funny

The Guidelines For a #Guydline

By Matt Bailey on April 14, 2013 in Goodies

What happens when you combine a tablespoon of snark, a dash of cynicism and heaps of truth? You get a delicious little nugget of credence called the “Guydline”. Guydlines are theories rooted deeply in life’s greatest successes and failures. They’re words to live by, wisdom to share, and if you can find a cool font or latin translation– perhaps something to permanently tattoo on your body. As my father would say, “Big hat, no cattle” or in other words “when they say they are, they are not” (and consider it a friendly warning to ALL of you not be taken… Continue Reading

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Don’t take a chance on dating reunion tours

By Melany on April 11, 2013 in Relationships

After a quick look through the latest posts it is depressingly obvious that my dating life is non-existent due to the lack of material posted recently. I can’t remember the last time I was actually asked out. I get a lot of “aren’t you worried that no one will ask you out because of your blog” and requests from guys from my past asking to meet for lunch but no follow up. I just don’t understand men today. Even if we are to become friends, shouldn’t you still follow up after the initial email? Are you all really scared… Continue Reading

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Paranormal Movie Out Today: So funny it’s scary

By Melany on April 9, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

“Hello – yeah, ummmm WHAT? You want to film a movie at my house, uhhhh YEAH –hello?’ True conversation that happened right before my life got weird(er) and Kevin Farley’s film, “Paranormal Movie” moved into my home. Yes, the entire movie and everyone in my house, with ME. The producers told me the movie was going to be easy and that they didn’t need to bother the city of Beverly Hills with “all that crap”. So, when I opened my front door and saw a Pepsi semi-trailer-truck in my driveway preparing to unload enough soda to quench the thirst of… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines.com Team: Snarky true life experts

By Melany on April 9, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Yesterday, the Melanysguydlines.com team met for the fist time at the Roosevelt Hotel Pool in Hollywood for a windy and long lunch (with beer and grey goose sodas). I am so proud of what has been accomplished here in under a year! This process has been hard work but I am starting to see it pay off! I hope that you have enjoyed my journey thus far and continue to laugh with us about the stupidity of people, craziness of life, chaos of dating and navigating this totally trippy world with a huge helping of snark. Life is too hard… Continue Reading

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MG’s house of snark: Welcomes intern Libby D

By Melany on April 7, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

I am so proud to tell you all that the Melanysguydlines.com family is growing in leaps and bounds. Since I only lasted in my sorority for a week (because I didn’t care what way food needed to be passed around a table and was a horrible follower) it is only fitting that I have a pledge in the MG house. I am going to rush her like she should be rushed and groom her to be the best MG mini me ever! We hope that she can stay a while but are happy to have her for as long as… Continue Reading

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Sweet Sixteen Ain’t So Sweet For Me

By Melany on April 1, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

So, as you all know my Arizona Wildcats lost (got robbed by terrible officiating) in the Sweet Sixteen last week. But, just attending such sporting events always makes for good people watching (bashing). I need to send a special shout out to the couple in front of me (who probably paid $1000 a ticket). The woman was more interested in reading the Wall Street Journal by holding the paper directly above her head to read it (holding it straight in front of her eyes was just not good enough). I can tell her exactly what she was reading and she… Continue Reading

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Beware of dumb people bleach: It is bad for my health

By Melany on March 6, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

Here is a little story I could not resist telling you. Today, I went and got my hair done at a salon in Beverly Hills and overheard a conversation that solidifies the need to have a dumb person category on the blog. There are just way too many dumb people in this world and I seem to attract all of them! The bright side of being a dumb person flytrap is that all of the dumb people offer me great funny dumb people stories for all of you to enjoy. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Melanysguydlines 2.0 Oscar Style -All snark, all true. One hit wonder too!

By Melany on February 24, 2013 in Music Biz, Snarky

You all already know me from melanysguydlines.com but I thought it was about time that I step out from behind my avatar’s shadow and introduce the REAL Mel G and Teddy B. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Hall of Shame-Dating Story #1

By Melany on February 23, 2013 in Relationships

A little follow up to my last post about Valentines Day possibly being the worst dating holiday of the year (promise not to discuss this for another year). Of course, me being ME – I did receive a weird pre-Valentine message from some dumb guy that would not stop texting me from the moment I (accidently) gave him my number (months ago). (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Do you Twit or Tweet?

By Melany on January 16, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

I decided to take my own advice and “put on my big girl panties” and jump into the bloggers universe full force by attending the New Media Expo in Las Vegas. At first, I was a little hesitant to go to the convention, as I am fairly new to the blogosphere and thought that if the people were anything like the people in the music business they were not the friendliest in the world and there would not be much learning….just a lot of partying (which is Ok but I need to learn how to make some money with this… Continue Reading

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What are you for 2013?

By Melany on December 26, 2012 in Relationships

Why does the song go “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me”? Are there more than 2 days of Christmas? I am confused. Anyway, I know there are 8 days of Hanukkah. Maybe someone got that mixed up in the song. And what did your other love give you? What other kind of love is there if it is not true? Hmmmmm……Anyway – I am looking forward to my New Years Resolution! I have new office space for 2013! I am so excited that I can write and make you laugh all day long in… Continue Reading

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“Girl Can’t Help It”

By Melany on December 14, 2012 in Greatest Hits, Music Biz, Snarky

Fa la la la la….la..la..la..la! The inundation of Christmas music from every open orifice in the Los Angeles area makes me think of my beginnings in the music business, though it did not always include the jolliest of feelings. When people ask me what I want to do (when I grow up) I still tell them something involving music. No, I do not want to sing the Driedel song or tell you that imaginary Santa is kissing mom under the Christmas tree (cheating? no wonder there are so many confused men in this world because we give them the wrong… Continue Reading

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