Grammys: Sink or Swim?

I wake up this morning and am super pissed that I don’t have a Master Card in my wallet. Actually, I am also a little irritated with my wallet staying out all weekend at a friend’s house. I left my wallet there on Thursday and have been confined to the house and sustaining on left over Halloween candy since I have no MONEY to buy any food. It is ok but I am going to be pissed if I can’t fit into my outfit for tonight. Oh that is right? A pair of tickets to the Grammys, preshow and after… Continue Reading

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SodaStream: Scarlett Johansson as Brand Amabassador

You know I get some very interesting press releases about new products and happenings in Hollywood but last week I got something super fun! I was given an exclusive invite to the red carpet event announcing the first Brand Ambassador for SodaStream! Of course, with a pitch like: “ SodaStream, the leading manufacturer and distributor of home carbonation beverage systems, is about to announce a new partnership with an A list celebrity that will give George Clooney (Nespresso) and Jennifer Aniston (smart water) a run for their money. The new brand ambassador will also be the star of the much anticipated SodaStream… Continue Reading

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Back in LALAland: Hollyweird

While you are reading this, there is a good possibility that I am still waiting for YouTube to upload a 5 minute video. You would think in this day and age I would just have to clap and it would be uploaded. You know like the clapper? Clap on, clap off. WTF is going on here? So, while I wait for one of the most painful experiences in life (waiting for a telephone/internet/cable repair man to show up and fix something properly the first time) you are going to have to watch this video I snuck through the internet waves… Continue Reading

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Color Me Bad: Naughty or Nice

Hello MG fans. So, I have been slammed since my return from Arizona and the holiday season madness. I am doing my best to catch up with publicist requests, tinder matches (separate blog post for this and there are more perverts to be discovered every day), training Teddy Brewski, thinking of YouTube videos for your viewing pleasure, not eating the entire house, and needing a wheelbarrow to go to the gym. As I have mentioned to you in the past, I will only write about things publicists send me that I find interesting and funny. About a month ago, two… Continue Reading

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The Hollywood Man: Hot, but Not Into Me

Just in case you missed my latest YouTube video  – here it is! Let me offer you the real perspective on a Hollywood club. They are not the greatest places to meet men unless you are in fact, a man. There are a lot of hot guys but they are either: A. More interested at looking at themselves in the mirror B. More interested at looking at each other It is so frustrating. Oh and BTW – what was the name of that movie where Lily Tomlin is a small person? **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Get Seriously Friendly: Say Hello & Grab Yourself a Date

hello oral care products to get a date

  It is Rocktober people and I want to encourage you to get back into the dating game this fall. If you are a little rusty let me offer you a “guydline” so that you can break the ice and not look like you are trying too hard. If batting your eyelashes, sticking out your chest, and giving a come hither stare does not work in getting you potential date’s attention then I suggest a few things. Pick a body part that you like and compliment his (get out the gutter ladies) eyes. Tell them they are as blue as… Continue Reading

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Under the Sheets with Antonio Sabato Jr. 2013: Relationship & Dating Tips Interview

Antonio Sabato Jr. relationship tips Interview with melanysguydlines 2013

Being a funny relationship blogger and dating advice giver, I am presented with various opportunities. Most of these things are ridiculous and barely make it into my inbox. But, I was given the chance to interview a total babe and of course I took it. You never know who you are going to meet or where, right? So, when I received an email from Antonio Sabato Jr.’s people of course I jumped at the opportunity to interview him regarding his new venture as a relationship blogger and online dating guru. “Enter celebrity serial dater turned online flirting guru, Antonio Sabato… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines joins the Kardashians & Tom Brady on the Lango App!

melanysguydlines on Lango

What do Kim Kardashian, Breaking Bad, Colin Kaepernick, Tom Brady, and Garfield have in common with (besides being awesome)? First, let me just say what an honor it is to be part of this amazing list. Second, the Lango App has immortalized us all in animation! I guess success can be measured by the amount of animated icons a person has. It is no longer just enough to have your own doll but the Lango App icons are where it is at and I have my very own pack.     What is Lango? Well, it is an App… Continue Reading

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Funny Relationship Advice: Tips from the MTV VMA Circus 2013

Wil smith looking at miley cyrus ass on mtv vmas

There are a few things I know and that is funny relationship advice and music! I have also been known to give funny relationship tips now and again, right? So, let me blend my favorite things into one post, shall we? Did any of you survive the madness of MTVs 2013 VMA’s last night? If you did not watch the show, then you missed a circus. That is the nicest way I can describe the monstrosity that used to be one of my favorite television nights of the year. The show started and I don’t think I really ever recovered… Continue Reading

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How to Party Like a Surfer: Don’t Yell & Leave Your Shoes At Home

Last weekend, I got a sudden urge and decided to pack (way too much and the problem with that, is unpacking sucks) put Teddy Brewski with his friends at day/night camp (I swear he has more friends than I do) and drive down to Huntington Beach for the US Open of Surfing. No one told me that I should not leave LA proper after 2:00PM because it would take me two and a half hours to get to the beach in traffic. But, so what? I am a great DJ and I knew there were clean beaches, sun, and surfers… Continue Reading

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Working Relationships in Hollywood: Top 12 things I LOL’d on the Boulevard

Each day, I am privileged to witness very strange relationships in Hollywood– oh LA, LA, land! Reviewing this list it is no wonder why I have so many online dating stories and remain single in the land of the stars. I am always surprised or maybe humorously entertained watching the people up and down the Boulevard. With these kinds of observations wouldn’t you want to live here? Or at least stay for a while? Promise you will never be bored and probably remain single as well. Let’s take a look at the top 12 snarky, funny things I was lucky… Continue Reading

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You Can’t Wash This Potty Mouth Out With Soap

It’s 3 AM.  You’re tired, you’re groggy, and it feels like someone is hammering an ice pick into your bladder.  You stumble out of the comfort of your bed, wandering your hallway like zombie on Walking Dead.  You find the bathroom and find that familiar feel of cold porcelain against your derrière.  Then you drop, what feels like 20 feet, because someone left the seat up.  You’re lucky you’re over a toilet because your built in sprinkler system might have gone off.  The truth is, stories like this occur everyday.  And those suffering PTTE, post-traumatic toilet experience, are wondering if… Continue Reading

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