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Stupid people

AllTwitter, AllFacebook, ALL Nerds Part 1 – #nerdsdoitbetter or not?

By on June 13, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky
Not paying attention at the conference.

I decided to take a break from LALA land to attend the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Marketing conference in the land of people who make too much money and feel extremely entitled (a.k.a. I would never touch them with a 10 foot pole because I am not attracted to nerds who are assholes because they were so nerdy when they were young and have to overcompensate now that they have money) or the social media community. After spending almost a week in San Francisco I did not conclude that in fact #nerdsdoitbetter. They just don’t. I thought I should give you… Continue Reading

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Strange Celebrity Endorsements : Headphones

By on May 16, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

It’s no secret that branding makes the world go round.  On a daily basis, we’re exposed to up to 20,000 marketing messages, and most pass right under our nose without us even realizing it.  There’s the obvious ones, like the clothes we wear or the car we drive.  But how about the laundry list of celebrity hot sauces?  Or Shannon Doherty pledging the merits of an online education?  I know my dog only eats food that passed Rachael Ray’s rigorous quality standards. For whatever reason, one product that has become synonymous with the celebrity endorsement in recent years are the headphones…. Continue Reading

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One hit wonder- Dummy Wins Rasta Banana

By on May 9, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

To most of you, Henry Gribbohm, is not a household name.  But this week’s One Hit Wonder spent his entire lifesavings; all $2,600 of it on a game call “Tubs of Fun”.  Gribbohm, was trying to win an X-box Kinect, but what this dummy didn’t realize was that he could have bought about 13 Kinects with his so called life savings.  Now all this poor soul has to show is a banana with dreadlocks that he seems to take better care of than this 2 year old. I’m trying to figure out what everyone else here is thinking, how does… Continue Reading

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Beware of the “Frienemy”

By on May 7, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

“Frienemy”. Do you know what that is? Unfortunately, I am sure you do. It is an epidemic in society and has been running rampant for many years. My mother, sister, and I have dealt with it for as long as we can remember and it has probably run in your family as well (if it hasn’t then you are probably THE FRIENEMY and you suck and are dumb so you better take notes). This disease has been infecting poor, sheep-like individuals for so long that Wikipedia has the word in its glossary. That is sad. “Frenemy” (alternately spelled “frienemy”) is… Continue Reading

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Guydlines for Coachella… How avoid Looking Like a Stupid White Boy

By on April 24, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

Amongst a sea of Urban Outfitters and white kids dressed as Indians was the world’s largest music festival.  Hosting over 80,000 people and bands most of us have never heard of, we decided Coachella goers needed a few guydlines to help them survive the weekend. Coachella Guydline #1: Go with an open mind, but please, beware of any guy who wants to show you his “wand”. Coachella Guydline #2: Find sensible shoes, you might step on acid and wake up 5 days later in the middle of the desert wondering what the hell happened to you. Coachella Guydline #3: Opt… Continue Reading

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One hit wonder of the week: Reese Witherspoon

By on April 23, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky
Reese Witherspoons mugshot

Why, Reese? Why? You had everything. You had a well-deserved title as an all-American girl, the healthiest blonde locks in Hollywood and the best Southern twang I’ve heard in a long time. Then you dyed your hair dirt brown, married a no name and got yourself arrested for being a rude, inconsiderate drunkard. I never thought you’d be on my one hit wonder list, but your behavior earns you a top spot on today’s agenda. I’ll give it to you straight, Reese. I expected better from you. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s celebrities who think they’re above… Continue Reading

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Don’t take a chance on dating reunion tours

By on April 11, 2013 in Relationships
not with my ex anymore

  After a quick look through the latest posts it is depressingly obvious that my dating life is non-existent due to the lack of material posted recently. I can’t remember the last time I was actually asked out. I get a lot of  “aren’t you worried that no one will ask you out because of your blog” and requests from guys from my past asking to meet for lunch but no follow up. I just don’t understand men today. Even if we are to become friends, shouldn’t you still follow up after the initial email? Are you all really scared… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines.com Team: Snarky true life experts

By on April 9, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Snarky team of melanysguydlines.com

Yesterday, the Melanysguydlines.com team met for the fist time at the Roosevelt Hotel Pool in Hollywood for a windy and long lunch (with beer and grey goose sodas). I am so proud of what has been accomplished here in under a year! This process has been hard work but I am starting to see it pay off! I hope that you have enjoyed my journey thus far and continue to laugh with us about the stupidity of people, craziness of life, chaos of dating and navigating this totally trippy world with a huge helping of snark. Life is too hard… Continue Reading

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Go Hack Yourself

By on March 21, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

Dear hacker losers that have nothing better to do than try and hack my blog: Get over it! I am no longer playing these dumb games and have moved on to super duty protection on melanysguydlines.com. The Secret Service has been notified and we are taking very good care of those boys (they like their Grey Goose sodas and techno music – just saying). Consider this a little warning to you (or multiple shitheads) trying to hack my site. My dog does bite. He might look cuddly and fluffy but when instructed he will take off a limb (I choose… Continue Reading

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I’m not making this up

By on March 18, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

I want a girl I can wake up next to the next morning and not be horrified to see in daylight. After reading Melany’s post about dumb people and terrible beauty advice the other day, I’d like to offer some makeup tips of my own: ladies, ditch the clown paint.

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Beware of dumb people bleach: It is bad for my health

By on March 6, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky
Some blondes can't even spell college!

Here is a little story I could not resist telling you. Today, I went and got my hair done at a salon in Beverly Hills and overheard a conversation that solidifies the need to have a dumb person category on the blog. There are just way too many dumb people in this world and I seem to attract all of them! The bright side of being a dumb person flytrap is that all of the dumb people offer me great funny dumb people stories for all of you to enjoy. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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