snarky

19 Things That Make Moving Worse Than It Already Is

By Melany on July 14, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

It is 4:45 AM and I am writing to you from my mass exodus from a place called Cricketville. I have been there and none of you need to go there. Take my word for it. I have experience with creepy crawlies and in the past week I felt them crawling all over. You know? That horrible feeling you have when you can’t decide where to itch first because “something” is crawling ALL OVER YOUR BODY and won’t go away. Not to worry! I have found my salvation in a hotel called the Valley Ho until I can be safely… Continue Reading

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Pepper Spray, My New Accessory: As Seen On The Steve Harvey Show

By Melany on July 10, 2014 in Goodies

It is no secret that I deal with creeps on a daily basis. I had enough of the guys who “drive their rent” in LA and decided to relocate to the dessert in the middle of the summer for a little while. Yes, I know it is 115 degrees and hot but I love it here. I am a Wildcat for life and Arizona holds a special place in my heart for so many reasons. This time around, I am in Scottsdale checking things (and MEN) out to see if I like it. So far, I love Arizona and the… Continue Reading

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10 Snarky Rules for Dating My Owner: Woofed by Teddy Brewski

By Melany on July 5, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Happy day after the 4th of July aka July 5, 2014. I am writing to you from HOT Arizona and was supposed to be unpacking these past few days but my AC is non operable, neither toilets are working and I had more than enough creepy crawlies in my place that I had to check into a hotel. There is more to this story and is a contender for the Greatest Hits section but I wanted to post something super cute today. While I am in the process of shuffling clothes, shoes and purses from one area code to another,… Continue Reading

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Calling ALL Psycho Friend/Frienemy stories for new video series!

By Melany on June 30, 2014 in Relationships

Calling all psycho friends stories!!!! You know that friend or frienemy? We all have one person that went cray-cray on us a time or two or three (and for some of us lucky people even more than that). I want you to tell me your story about a friend who turned crazy because I am filming a series with fellow humor blogger and twitter celeb- D.J. Paris of Thoughts From Paris. We have been discussing how we can meld our funnies together for a long time now and one of the first “thoughts” we had were “guydlines” for dealing with… Continue Reading

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Top 9 Snarky Tweets, Social Media Funnies & Guydline “Get Lucky” # 69

By Melany on June 23, 2014 in Snarky

Time flies! Welcome to Guydline post #69 -lets hope this is a lucky number for us all! Seriously, it feels like I just pulled into Scottsdale, Arizona and I am leaving tomorrow to drive back to LA. These past 5 days flew by but not to worry because I will be back soon-really soon. I am going to change things up a little and get rid of all that trash I told you all about in my B-day post. Happy to share that I am keeping my Birthday present to myself and it will be the BEST present ever. Since… Continue Reading

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Dating & Relationships in Hollywood (Hollyweird): So Cliché, But This Is LA

By Melany on June 17, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

People always ask me how I decide what to write in my blog posts. It is sad to say but there is no lack of bad dating or “frienemy” stories of the past, present, (and am sure the future -at the rate I am going). All I really need to do is look in my backyard at this crazy world to start typing away on my laptop. If I could have a podcast recording device attached to my brain of what I really think in daily life navigating the over-packed and even bumpier roads on the way to my office… Continue Reading

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My Birthday Date: A Little Ass

By Melany on June 12, 2014 in Snarky

Melanysguydlines gets some ass for birthday

It is 7:45PM on my 30ish ish ish Birthday. YEAH ME! It has not been as snarky as I would have hoped because I am feeling a little under the weather. I am totally sure it has nothing to do with the Madness that ensued in Las Vegas in my last post?? Right? Read it. It’s funny and entertaining. I did want to say a big “THANK YOU” to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday today and the entire week before! One of my bff’s said she was wondering if she lost her mind when people started wishing… Continue Reading

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Relationship Status: Viva La “Rock N’ Roll” Vegas

By Melany on June 11, 2014 in Snarky

I just got back from Las Vegas and my Birthday is tomorrow so I thought I would do a review in pics and video for you snarky people. Isn’t it so much fun to view the madness in living color? Here goes. The first night in Las Vegas, I went Beacher’s Madhouse at the MGM with a friend who lives in Sin City. Please note, that she has a little bit of a fear (not of clowns) but of little people. I’ll let the pics do the talking! I recommend going to this club, which is super popular with celebs,… Continue Reading

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Win $300 of Art from UGallery – Your Choice!

By Melany on June 4, 2014 in Goodies

HI! Happy one week before my B’day….and I am off to Las Vegas. I am packed. If I don’t have it – I will buy it. But, before I leave I have more gifts for all of you! I wouldn’t leave the snarky people without something fun to chew on for the weekend. You know me better than that! I promised you something different last week and I am here to deliver the good news! Remember that cool site UGallery I introduced you to a few posts back? Well, Melanysguydlines and UGallery are bringing you a special chance to win… Continue Reading

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Do-Do’s & Don’ts of Dating: Don’t Pee On My Parade

By Melany on June 3, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Since I did win in the Sex, Dating and Relationships category yesterday I thought I would share with you a funny ditty. Here goes…. You know how bad and non-existent dating is in the city of angels because I have told you over and over again. So, why not import someone? I did just that with my last tour mate. He hailed from the desert and we had known each other for quite sometime so I thought that this could be a real keeper until our last rendez vous ended in disaster somewhere between the Boulevard of Broken Dreams and… Continue Reading

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UGallery – Online Art Gallery Fit For Everyone

By Melany on May 28, 2014 in Goodies

I don’t know about you but I move a lot! I mean I have moved quite a bit throughout my adult life and in college a total of 5 times in 4 and a half years. Yeah, dad was not too happy about that but the moving company loved me. There was a guy who looked like pop-eye and would literally throw 3 huge boxes on his back and walk backward up flights of stairs. It was awesome. With all the moving I did I always needed a piece of art to go on a wall and I could never… Continue Reading

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Same Old Story: Too Much, Too Skinny, Too Dumb, or Too Too

By Melany on May 27, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

Random post. I wonder why every time I wear no makeup – I get hit on? But, if I am dressed to the nines guys seem to duck under tables. It is so weird. Does wearing makeup make me unapproachable? Or do guys just really like to pick up on girls that look young? I mean every time I am sans makeup I get carded. Thank you – this is awesome but I am totally confused by it. I get carded without makeup often (even though I think this is a quasi-creepy attempt for the bouncer to get all my… Continue Reading

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