humor

Happy New Year 2014: With or Without Resolutions

By Melany on December 31, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Happy New Year! Welcome 2014! I am so happy that I am not going to be hung-over, broke, waking up next to a goat or hungry from celebrating getting ripped off on New Years Eve (aka amateur hour). Not sure what the fascination is about going out to celebrate a day in the month of a calendar with 365 days? Yes, I realize that I sound like my parents. Cheers to getting another year older, wiser, and a little bit more in love with my couch. Shouldn’t we celebrate everyday? I know some of you reading this may be drunk,… Continue Reading

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Being Single for the Holidays-Yeah?!

By Melany on December 23, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Happy holidays MG fans! Wishing you the most wonderful holiday (whatever holiday it is that you celebrate without offending you). A fellow blogger asked me to write a piece about what it is like being single during the holidays and I know a thing or two about this topic (unfortunately or fortunately). Thanks Karen -for the great topic. This is one of my favorites! In a perfect world I would love to have a kickass companion, boyfriend, mate, or husband along with a perfectly trained dog to spend the holidays with (aren’t they the same? No? Oh). In… Continue Reading

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Dating Hall of Shame VIP

By Melany on December 16, 2013 in Relationships

Here is a SUPER special (I mean SPECIAL, but not in a good way) nod to this dipshit into the Dating Hall of Shame VIP Platinum club! I have to give this guy an A+ for effort and an F for being the F@#$#@ing most oblivious and annoying online and texting dater ever! DUDE – get a clue! I have not answered 1 text from you EVER and the first one here was dated back in September. If I didn’t live in LA, I would probably be married to a huge, successful, fantastic, man by now. We could be living… Continue Reading

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Back in LALAland: Hollyweird

By Melany on December 11, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

While you are reading this, there is a good possibility that I am still waiting for YouTube to upload a 5 minute video. You would think in this day and age I would just have to clap and it would be uploaded. You know like the clapper? Clap on, clap off. WTF is going on here? So, while I wait for one of the most painful experiences in life (waiting for a telephone/internet/cable repair man to show up and fix something properly the first time) you are going to have to watch this video I snuck through the internet waves… Continue Reading

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Color Me Bad: Naughty or Nice

By Melany on December 5, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Hello MG fans. So, I have been slammed since my return from Arizona and the holiday season madness. I am doing my best to catch up with publicist requests, tinder matches (separate blog post for this and there are more perverts to be discovered every day), training Teddy Brewski, thinking of YouTube videos for your viewing pleasure, not eating the entire house, and needing a wheelbarrow to go to the gym. As I have mentioned to you in the past, I will only write about things publicists send me that I find interesting and funny. About a month ago, two… Continue Reading

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Thanksgiving 2013 – Thanks & almost full

By Melany on November 28, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

So, it is time for me to write another Thanksgiving post. I can’t believe that I have been writing this blog long enough and with success to be able to do another installment of “What I am thankful for….” 2014 installment. I wish I could say this year has been easy but it has not. I work my ass off everyday on this entertainment thing and am so proud of what I have accomplished. I wish more people would actively support! Every bit helps. Yeah – I am talking to you and YOU! So, like, thumbs up, share, subscribe, and… Continue Reading

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Melany’s Movember Mutterings

By Melany on November 19, 2013 in LOL, Snarky

I have had a very busy week and wanted to blog about some of the highlights and things I observed along the way. These may be a bit random but welcome to the inner workings of my overactive brain. -Gyms are weird. People do strange things there. Like jump onto machines and look uncoordinated and uncomfortable performing physical motions at inappropriate speeds. When these motions look as they are injuring several parts of their bodies, it probably is injuring several parts of their bodies. If you look like a spaz on the machine, I am sure that you end up… Continue Reading

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Boot Camp: Dogs, Frienemies, Unfollowers, & Assholes

By Melany on November 13, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

I posted another video for your viewing pleasure. My educated guess is that more people like watching 3-4 minute clips of my animated self than reading 500-750 plus words of carefully, detailed, humorous stories. That’s Ok. I can be included in this majority sometimes so I won’t hold it against you. People always ask what my blog/vlog is about? It is humor people! Snarky humor! While on my vacation (what a joke – have not had one day without and appointment since I have been here) I took advantage of an amazing dog training school opportunity for my beloved Teddy… Continue Reading

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Guys Can be Sloppy Drunky-poo too!

By Melany on November 8, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

Some things just need a YouTube video and this story is one of them. This is not the correct way to get a date ladies and gentlemen. I would like to set the record straight that girls are not the only people that get sloppy drunk. Guys do too and it is not a good look. Beware of sloppy guys picking up on girls and snarky girls messing with drunky-poo guys while doing so. It was just too fun not to mess with, “blue guy, green, striped guy, plaid guy” and I had to and share with all of you…. Continue Reading

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Online Dating: What Not To Do (Again & Again)

By Melany on October 18, 2013 in Relationships

You all know that I have a plethora of online dating nightmare stories and it has not stopped but I have limited my reporting on such ridiculousness because it is depressing quite frankly. This one – I need to get off my chest. Please don’t make these mistakes while online dating or you will end up in the online dating nightmare category, which I should create on this here blog. The following are texts messages from a potential suitor from Sept 22, 2013 – Oct. 10, 2013 that went unanswered by me (I did answer the first week but he… Continue Reading

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The Hollywood Man: Hot, but Not Into Me

By Melany on October 14, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Just in case you missed my latest YouTube video – here it is! Let me offer you the real perspective on a Hollywood club. They are not the greatest places to meet men unless you are in fact, a man. There are a lot of hot guys but they are either: A. More interested at looking at themselves in the mirror B. More interested at looking at each other It is so frustrating. Oh and BTW – what was the name of that movie where Lily Tomlin is a small person? **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Online Dating Advice: Felony Melany Style

By Melany on October 10, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

It was a rainy day here in Los Angeles so I decided to play with YouTube a little more. There are so many instructional videos for your instructional video on how to make a YouTube video. They tell you what to do, what not to do, what lighting to use, that you should stand on your head and play a tuba while blowing another bubble out of your ass, wear a donkey suit with a big clown nose down to what to say and what not to say. It is overwhelming to say the least so I just say what… Continue Reading

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