humor

The Snark Tank: Bull’s Eye vs. Bull Sh*t

By Melany on April 8, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

I get asked, “What does a blogger do?” several times a day. It is shocking to me but some people still have the preconceived notion that bloggers are like digital scrap-bookers, sitting in large walk-in closets with laptops and piles of crate paper creating origami birds and posting them on the Internet for their friends and family to feel obligated to look at. Sure, there are foodie bloggers who are physically unable to stick any morsel of food in their mouth without documenting every moment of the experience (just eat it – don’t share unless I can actually taste the… Continue Reading

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16 Things Not To Do At (Any/Social Media) Conference

By Melany on April 2, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

1. Not knowing your competition. Know if anyone is dominating your niche in the market. I am 70% sure there may be someone doing what you think you have created. Can’t you hear Drunk Uncle from SNL saying “I’m prrrrrrrreetttttyyyy suuuuuurrrrrree…..” someone is already doing that? Do your research! 2. Do not wear high heels during the day so you look like a wounded stork walking through the hotel. This will make people notice you but not in a good way and then you can’t attend the rest of the conference and have to call in wounded the second day…. Continue Reading

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Wellness® Pet Food: The only food for Teddy Brewski

By Melany on March 24, 2014 in Goodies

You know that Teddy Brewski is my number one fan and the second most important male in my life (besides my father). So, when I saw the opportunity to post about Wellness® Pet Food and the importance of healthy nutrition for my best friend – I needed to chime in. When he was just a baby puppy I was totally overwhelmed with the choices of dog food. After trying several all natural foods (and surviving the stench that followed) I finally found Wellness® Pet Food. Well, Wellness dog food is good for Teddy Brewski, his tummy and for my nose…. Continue Reading

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Vanity Fair Social Club: Melanysguydlines Makeover

By Melany on March 1, 2014 in Goodies

Happy Saturday! I am so happy that it is the weekend because I NEED to catch up on rest. I felt like I was a walking zombie yesterday completely deprived of sleep because I had a crazy week! Vanity Fair hosted a Social Club for bloggers where we were able socialize and grab free stuff! People are starting to recognize the importance of social media influencers and I love every minute and freebie of it. Vanity Fair and the sponsors had the most amazing creation. Picture a vending machine stocked of full adult size products from Vanity Fair, Lancome, Clarasonic,… Continue Reading

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When Animals Attack: Dating Interference

By Melany on February 19, 2014 in Relationships

The Shorty Awards nominations are over and I hope I did not miss the honor by one spot. I will be ok with it (I will not, but my vodka is chilling and ready for consumption at 4:59PM to soothe my soul -just in case). Stay tuned as they are calculating right NOW! If I did not win, I am convinced outside forces in which I had no control over affected the outcome. Animals. You know? When animals attack? In the past week, I had interference from all of the following “animals”, which prevented proper promoting, blogging, (and successful… Continue Reading

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Dating & Sex with Patti Stanger & Perez Hilton for Match.com

By Melany on February 12, 2014 in Relationships

As most of you know, I drove to Arizona a few weeks ago for relaxation and to step away from my keyboard. And….I failed miserably at relaxing plus got a speeding ticket along the way. So, not the most fun trip but, I did take part in a discussion with the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger and Perez Hilton discussing love, dating and sex findings from Match.com 2014 study. The event looked Ah–mazing in New York and I am bummed that I could not actually be at there in RL. However, I was selected to represent the West Coast blogging community… Continue Reading

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Mel’s Hits & Misses Valentines Day 2014-PART 1

By Melany on February 5, 2014 in Goodies

It is that time of year and since people think I am some sort of a relationship expert –ish, I have received many awesome and not so awesome product reviews/requests. I wish my dating prospects were as good as some of these items. I hope my chubby, cherub a.k.a. cupid has been going to the shooting range. I will pay for him to have lessons to improve his aim and stop hitting all the asses of assholes. At this point, I would rather have Ted…..ehh Teddy Brewski than any other prospects. Cupid – you listening? 1. Ted Doll (I found… Continue Reading

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Cupids Bullseye: $545 Exclusive ICJUK Giveaway

By Melany on February 3, 2014 in Goodies

Happy pre-Valentines Day (another- Don’t dress like a slut day). If you heard my interview on The Modern Dater, then you know I don’t love this holiday. It is not because I am single and bitter because when I had a hot boyfriend – I hated the holiday. You can ask him? He is probably still sitting in the same chair, with the same shocked looked on his face when I left him at a five star restaurant some years back. People – we do not need Hallmark to tell each other when we should be nice. It should happen… Continue Reading

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Grammys: Sink or Swim?

By Melany on January 26, 2014 in LALA Land, Snarky

I wake up this morning and am super pissed that I don’t have a Master Card in my wallet. Actually, I am also a little irritated with my wallet staying out all weekend at a friend’s house. I left my wallet there on Thursday and have been confined to the house and sustaining on left over Halloween candy since I have no MONEY to buy any food. It is ok but I am going to be pissed if I can’t fit into my outfit for tonight. Oh that is right? A pair of tickets to the Grammys, preshow and after… Continue Reading

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Bye Cold But, I’m Keeping the Funny, Sexy Voice!

By Melany on January 15, 2014 in Relationships

I am back from Vegas and have a cold. It is not fantastic because I am still hungry but can’t taste anything so forget about losing weight while sitting here with my thumb up my ass. It is not awesomely dehydrating like the stomach flu where you magically lose 5 pounds. It is more like I am bloated like a puffer fish from the sodium in soup I have been ordering from the local LA Delicatessens. At least I have been able to catch up on taxes, which may actually be the worst thing in life besides moving or a… Continue Reading

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