I get asked, “What does a blogger do?” several times a day. It is shocking to me but some people still have the preconceived notion that bloggers are like digital scrap-bookers, sitting in large walk-in closets with laptops and piles of crate paper creating origami birds and posting them on the Internet for their friends and family to feel obligated to look at. Sure, there are foodie bloggers who are physically unable to stick any morsel of food in their mouth without documenting every moment of the experience (just eat it – don’t share unless I can actually taste the FOOD) mommy bloggers who think all readers genuinely care about their children’s daily big or little bathroom habits (no one cares – trust me) or DIY fanatics desperately trying to recreate masterpieces by some miracle and determined to take the perfect photograph of said miracle to prove they in fact recreated that miracle. Those people do exist (and I am honestly baffled by how much traffic some of those bloggers get, but to each their own). Alas and thankfully, there are other types of bloggers who cover entertaining topics in comedic fashion like my snarky self.
I am approached via every social medium (plus smoke signals and Morse code) by people with the next best idea that they want covered by me no matter how far off topic it is. Just in the past few weeks, I have been introduced to products ranging from a Tofu Press Square (I’m allergic to soy and don’t know why one would need to press their own tofu anyway and what happens if I like circles?), Kosher Lubricant for all people concerned the jelly they are licking off their mates body is Parve (I doubt too many Rabbi’s bless lube and where would the lube go because aren’t they supposed to be having sex with a sheet with hole in between them anyway?) Then there was the Puff Puff Give Board Game (that sadly never appeared in my mailbox because that could have been super funny and a great prize) to Frigo Underwear for men needing to separate their twig and berries for max temperature comfort and support (or something like that). TRUE STORY. I was even pitched THIS just today – isnt’ it….well WTF is it?
I guess 4:20 is coming up so if you want a stone around your neck for the event and willing to pay your monthly rent for it – here is a press release snippet….“Ranging from $200-$3,000, Designs by Moro offers a piece for every style. The collection reflects essential jewelry that complements to create a one-of-a-kind keepsake accessory.” Your very own POT STONE – Pot and stoned. Nevermind.
Oh and just today I got something that every infant needs.
“The Mustchifier” = you definitely NEED 3 of these bad boys and if shipping is free, why not go for 6 or 9?
The power of influencers and the desire for brands and products to hit the viral pop culture Bull’s Eye is insatiable. I have a steady following of Rockstar readers and thought that I should give back with the opportunity to snark in The Snark Tank. This is not for uptight people or for those who reside in Snoresville . So, put on your big girl panties or big boy Frigos and hit me with your best shot. I promise to always be snarky. And since we are super duper creative here at Melanysguydlines and finding laughs in life at the people we come across each day – we thought, OMG….BULLSEYE! THE SNARK TANK!
And here you go……
Welcome to “The Snark Tank” and we hope you brought your snark screen and lots of don’t take this shit or yourself too seriously! There are definitely no millions, billions or trillions (on my end) just lots of smart ass, cheeky, brassy, witty but younger and better looking-esque commentary for the bat shit crazy things people create and we (as consumers) eat up like crack candy or Pinkberry yogurt (do they still exist btw and what was that magical secret ingredient?) I will admit it – I buy stuff like this all the time and so do you. Calling all creators, publicists, inventors, consumers, shoppers, and just hysterical people with the next best product or idea to have featured on Melanysguydlines -The Snark Tank on our YouTube channel, this blog and all social mediums.
Listen people, all publicity is good publicity. I can promise that if you send your product or idea we will “honestly” and “snarkily” feature in the The Snark Tank. Do you have what it takes? Let me make this clear: I am not expecting a Prada bag or Chanel purse (but I am accepting good boyfriend material – PLEASE) but for the love of …. send me conversation pieces.
Not only will your product get mass exposure on all of our social media, but the winner will get a prize. We are still deciding on the exact prize but you know I have kick ass taste so you will want to win. It is a win, win. GO – (the Bulls-Eye is over here btw).
This is a mutually beneficial opportunity to all of you out there. The premise is simple. You pitch, I catch it with snark. If you are ready for honest reviews than you have come to the right place. It is not for the fainthearted though. We will feature your product in living color and I will promote the shit out of it like I do any and every post on all of my social media. Any publicity is good publicity. There is a reason why old sayings like these exist – BECAUSE THEY ARE TRUE!
**Stay snarky my friends!**
fucking brilliant. ~
THANK YOU! Best first comment to this post or to any post ever! YOU ROCK!~
Brilliant. Can’t wait to see what you do with it. There is so much SHIT out there and your snarky best will show us the way. Ha.
Thanks for the comment! You are right – there is a lot of SHIT out there! Hope we find some funny things!
Nothing is hotter than a brilliant babe with a plan!!! Freakin’ wicked genius shit over here!
Love that! Thanks girl – any suggestions? Send my way!
Sweet, great concept!
Love the Mustache Pacifiers .
Thanks! Me too – send any ideas my way!
first of all I want those mustaches! second of all i have so much to submit for this!
I know you do! Submit or refer! Thanks girl.
Great idea. I think I can send lots your way… But isn’t there already a website for this: http://www.thinkgeek.com 🙂
WeWork Wonderbread, Washington, DC
Thanks! Not sure what that website it but I know they are not SNARKY like Melany! Send some stuff on over!
So it’s thousands of dollars for pot you can’t even smoke? I’m not high enough to understand this.
HAHA! Right! I feel that way about most of the items sent to me. Thanks for the comment.
First time reader, love the premise, love the writing style. Rock on!
Awesome! Thanks for the note. I need to do this! Snark on!