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Funny Sayings That Make You Go HUH? In The Night

funny old saying

I was sitting at a bar last night, drinking my goose and soda while Bret Michaels sang to me, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” and I wondered what the hell is he talking about because roses have way more than just one thorn? The cliché sayings that sound beautiful screeched in a high pitch tone, out of longhaired rocker’s mouths don’t always make sense. Yet, we sing and say things like these all the time. We use weird sayings to make sense of situations when we don’t understand or can’t explain what the hell is going on in any other way. Old sayings have been around forever and still apply today because people are weird and do stupid shit. History repeats itself (and there is another one) but so do stupid people who do stupid things so these terms come in handy. Here are some sayings and the immediate random thoughts that populate in the squishy, overthinking, ADD and OCD thing between my ears. -Karma is a bitch! So am I. But, if she is such a bitch – where has she been hiding… Continue Reading

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Got Wrinkles? Win $290 of Nerium AD Face & Body Firm Cream

WIn Nerium AD

Got wrinkles? There is an app for that and Melanysguydlines has an exclusive opportunity for you to get rid of your wrinkles without sticking needles in your face. People always card me and I tell them to limit their botox consumption because too much of anything is not a good look. Talking to you Mr. Manilow and Mrs. Kidman. But, after my moving ordeal with Jiminy, I felt like I was looking a little “worked” and worn out. My friend told me about this cream she was using on her face to reduce wrinkles, fine lines, redness and sent me… Continue Reading

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Dating: 16 Reasons I Swiped & X’d Your Face on Tinder

I first heard about Tinder, the dating app, a few years back when I saw a super risqué AD on a billboard driving down Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. Someone told me that it was just a hook up site for guys that were not interested in me – just interested in each other. So, I disregarded this little app for quite sometime until a friend suggested I give it a try a few months back. To my surprise there were a lot of guys looking for girls and I threw my hat in the ring. Why not? Right? It really… Continue Reading

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Pepper Spray, My New Accessory: As Seen On The Steve Harvey Show

pepper spray accessories

It is no secret that I deal with creeps on a daily basis. I had enough of the guys who “drive their rent” in LA and decided to relocate to the dessert in the middle of the summer for a little while. Yes, I know it is 115 degrees and hot but I love it here. I am a Wildcat for life and Arizona holds a special place in my heart for so many reasons. This time around, I am in Scottsdale checking things (and MEN) out to see if I like it. So far, I love Arizona and the… Continue Reading

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10 Snarky Rules for Dating My Owner: Woofed by Teddy Brewski

dating tips

Happy day after the 4th of July aka July 5, 2014. I am writing to you from HOT Arizona and was supposed to be unpacking these past few days but my AC is non operable, neither toilets are working and I had more than enough creepy crawlies in my place that I had to check into a hotel. There is more to this story and is a contender for the Greatest Hits section but I wanted to post something super cute today. While I am in the process of shuffling clothes, shoes and purses from one area code to another,… Continue Reading

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Calling ALL Psycho Friend/Frienemy stories for new video series!

pyscho friend stories

Calling all psycho friends stories!!!! You know that friend or frienemy? We all have one person that went cray-cray on us a time or two or three (and for some of us lucky people even more than that). I want you to tell me your story about a friend who turned crazy because I am filming a series with fellow humor blogger and twitter celeb- D.J. Paris of Thoughts From Paris. We have been discussing how we can meld our funnies together for a long time now and one of the first “thoughts” we had were “guydlines” for dealing with… Continue Reading

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Do-Do’s & Don’ts of Dating: Don’t Pee On My Parade

Do-Do’s & Don’ts of Dating: Don’t Pee On My Parade

Since I did win in the Sex, Dating and Relationships category yesterday I thought I would share with you a funny ditty. Here goes…. You know how bad and non-existent dating is in the city of angels because I have told you over and over again. So, why not import someone? I did just that with my last tour mate. He hailed from the desert and we had known each other for quite sometime so I thought that this could be a real keeper until our last rendez vous ended in disaster somewhere between the Boulevard of Broken Dreams and… Continue Reading

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UGallery – Online Art Gallery Fit For Everyone

Unsweetened by Michela Mussera

I don’t know about you but I move a lot! I mean I have moved quite a bit throughout my adult life and in college a total of 5 times in 4 and a half years. Yeah, dad was not too happy about that but the moving company loved me. There was a guy who looked like pop-eye and would literally throw 3 huge boxes on his back and walk backward up flights of stairs. It was awesome. With all the moving I did I always needed a piece of art to go on a wall and I could never… Continue Reading

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The Movie Network: Dedicated To You!

The Movie Network - Neighbors

I do live in LALAland aka Hollywood and everyone here wants to be a star. I meet Writers, Directors, Producers, Actresses, Actors and the combination of all of the above on a daily basis. I hear about so many movies and never really know what is good or bad until I actually see the film. With the advent of social media influencers holding the key to introducing audiences to exciting and great new brands I am happy to introduce you to The Movie Network. The Movie Network is not your average Fandago – type website. You can find local movie… Continue Reading

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Same Old Story: Too Much, Too Skinny, Too Dumb, or Too Too

Random post. I wonder why every time I wear no makeup – I get hit on? But, if I am dressed to the nines guys seem to duck under tables. It is so weird. Does wearing makeup make me unapproachable? Or do guys just really like to pick up on girls that look young? I mean every time I am sans makeup I get carded. Thank you – this is awesome but I am totally confused by it. I get carded without makeup often (even though I think this is a quasi-creepy attempt for the bouncer to get all my… Continue Reading

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Billboard Music Awards 2014: What Music?

Well, that wraps up another Billboard Music Awards show in Las Vegas for moi and the final one I attend until Metallica, Godsmack, Shinedown, KORN, Soundgarden, Staind, Drowning Pool, Black Sabbath, Dokken, Disturbed, Ratt, Guns N Roses, Tesla, Otherwise, Def Leppard, Aerosmith, Sevendust, Scorpions, ACDC, Van Halen, Motley Crue (just to name just a few) are all in the same room rocking out and receiving REAL music awards. Coming from a music business background and working with real rock groups, it disappoints me the lack of rock and good music out there for young people to digest! I mean I… Continue Reading

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It’s Hot in Here: Snarky Summer Top Picks

ACTTOP Picks

……(Try and say that title fast – I dare you!) Well, time is flying by this year. The older I get the faster it goes. I have been blogging and social media– ing away and now it is post Mother’s Day, a few weeks closer to another 30ish’ish Bday, Father’s Day and my awesome (and patient) parent’s anniversary. If you keep up with me on social media (you should if you don’t because you are missing out on great stuff) you can see that I have been traveling like crazy. But, never fear I am here to combine the best… Continue Reading

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