relationships

Happy New Year 2014: With or Without Resolutions

By Melany on December 31, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Happy New Year! Welcome 2014! I am so happy that I am not going to be hung-over, broke, waking up next to a goat or hungry from celebrating getting ripped off on New Years Eve (aka amateur hour). Not sure what the fascination is about going out to celebrate a day in the month of a calendar with 365 days? Yes, I realize that I sound like my parents. Cheers to getting another year older, wiser, and a little bit more in love with my couch. Shouldn’t we celebrate everyday? I know some of you reading this may be drunk,… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 22

Being Single for the Holidays-Yeah?!

By Melany on December 23, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Happy holidays MG fans! Wishing you the most wonderful holiday (whatever holiday it is that you celebrate without offending you). A fellow blogger asked me to write a piece about what it is like being single during the holidays and I know a thing or two about this topic (unfortunately or fortunately). Thanks Karen -for the great topic. This is one of my favorites! In a perfect world I would love to have a kickass companion, boyfriend, mate, or husband along with a perfectly trained dog to spend the holidays with (aren’t they the same? No? Oh). In… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 18

Dating Hall of Shame VIP

By Melany on December 16, 2013 in Relationships

Here is a SUPER special (I mean SPECIAL, but not in a good way) nod to this dipshit into the Dating Hall of Shame VIP Platinum club! I have to give this guy an A+ for effort and an F for being the F@#$#@ing most oblivious and annoying online and texting dater ever! DUDE – get a clue! I have not answered 1 text from you EVER and the first one here was dated back in September. If I didn’t live in LA, I would probably be married to a huge, successful, fantastic, man by now. We could be living… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 16

Color Me Bad: Naughty or Nice

By Melany on December 5, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Hello MG fans. So, I have been slammed since my return from Arizona and the holiday season madness. I am doing my best to catch up with publicist requests, tinder matches (separate blog post for this and there are more perverts to be discovered every day), training Teddy Brewski, thinking of YouTube videos for your viewing pleasure, not eating the entire house, and needing a wheelbarrow to go to the gym. As I have mentioned to you in the past, I will only write about things publicists send me that I find interesting and funny. About a month ago, two… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 2

Thanksgiving 2013 – Thanks & almost full

By Melany on November 28, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

So, it is time for me to write another Thanksgiving post. I can’t believe that I have been writing this blog long enough and with success to be able to do another installment of “What I am thankful for….” 2014 installment. I wish I could say this year has been easy but it has not. I work my ass off everyday on this entertainment thing and am so proud of what I have accomplished. I wish more people would actively support! Every bit helps. Yeah – I am talking to you and YOU! So, like, thumbs up, share, subscribe, and… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 6

Melany’s Movember Mutterings

By Melany on November 19, 2013 in LOL, Snarky

I have had a very busy week and wanted to blog about some of the highlights and things I observed along the way. These may be a bit random but welcome to the inner workings of my overactive brain. -Gyms are weird. People do strange things there. Like jump onto machines and look uncoordinated and uncomfortable performing physical motions at inappropriate speeds. When these motions look as they are injuring several parts of their bodies, it probably is injuring several parts of their bodies. If you look like a spaz on the machine, I am sure that you end up… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 4

Boot Camp: Dogs, Frienemies, Unfollowers, & Assholes

By Melany on November 13, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

I posted another video for your viewing pleasure. My educated guess is that more people like watching 3-4 minute clips of my animated self than reading 500-750 plus words of carefully, detailed, humorous stories. That’s Ok. I can be included in this majority sometimes so I won’t hold it against you. People always ask what my blog/vlog is about? It is humor people! Snarky humor! While on my vacation (what a joke – have not had one day without and appointment since I have been here) I took advantage of an amazing dog training school opportunity for my beloved Teddy… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 4

DatingAdvice.com: Me, An Expert?

By Melany on October 24, 2013 in Relationships

This week has been insane for me but in a great way! This dating and relationship blogosphere is full of information, tips, advice, experts and people who think they are experts. I have learned so much and in no way claim to be an expert but feel that I am heading in that direction (especially when it come to dating this blog and not going on any real dates). What does it mean to be an expert on love and relationships anyway? We all have both of these things (hopefully) in our lives and are full of experiences both good… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 2

Online Dating: What Not To Do (Again & Again)

By Melany on October 18, 2013 in Relationships

You all know that I have a plethora of online dating nightmare stories and it has not stopped but I have limited my reporting on such ridiculousness because it is depressing quite frankly. This one – I need to get off my chest. Please don’t make these mistakes while online dating or you will end up in the online dating nightmare category, which I should create on this here blog. The following are texts messages from a potential suitor from Sept 22, 2013 – Oct. 10, 2013 that went unanswered by me (I did answer the first week but he… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 13

Online Dating Advice: Felony Melany Style

By Melany on October 10, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

It was a rainy day here in Los Angeles so I decided to play with YouTube a little more. There are so many instructional videos for your instructional video on how to make a YouTube video. They tell you what to do, what not to do, what lighting to use, that you should stand on your head and play a tuba while blowing another bubble out of your ass, wear a donkey suit with a big clown nose down to what to say and what not to say. It is overwhelming to say the least so I just say what… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 12

Not a Certified Relationship Expert: Going Certifiably Insane Dating!

By Melany on October 4, 2013 in Relationships

Since I started writing this blog, many people ask me so many questions regarding relationships, dating and online dating. I never said I was a certified expert in dating or relationships but I have a hell of a lot of experience in this arena (unfortunately)! I have dated every idiot from the top to the bottom of California (a little in Arizona, Washington, Texas, Florida and New York but who is keeping track?) and am looking for someone to save me from the horrible dating party and online dating predicament I am in! I am not a certified relationship expert… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 8

Melanysguydlines on YouTube – Snarky, Golden Nuggets of Twitter

By Melany on October 3, 2013 in Relationships

Hello people! So, I always said that I would never be in front of the camera. Well, I lied. I will admit it when I do. If I can’t criticize and make fun of myself then I should not be writing this snarky blog. Should I? I admit that my dating mishaps and relationship blunders are a good reason that I was given this outlet to spout, so why not put a face and voice to my golden nuggets of “guydlines” for you? Right? Welcome to the Melanysguydlines snarky world of YouTube. I am excited to show you this first try… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 12