Funny Lifestyle & Relationship Blog With A Snarky Twist: MelanysGuydlines

Happy Mothers Day!

By Melany on May 10, 2014 in Relationships

Happy Mothers Day! It is Mother’s Day weekend and I hit the jackpot in the Mom drawing! I am lucky to call my mother more than mom….she is my best friend. So, to my mom and the moms who read this blog, I want to wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day filled with family, laughter, and love. I would never be able to do this crazy social media thing without my mom. She is my #1 fan, editor, and most loyal supporter. Plus, she takes one for the team and responds to my online dating profile nightmare emails. She… Continue Reading

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Bringing Sexy Back: Enter & Win $190 Love Massage Box from Hello Cheri

By Melany on May 7, 2014 in Goodies

I always say I will never post anything on the blog that will embarrass my parents or I will look back in a few years and want to crawl under a table from OMG syndrome. With that said, I am all about finding love and cherishing the one you love (if I could ever find him-where is he hiding???) I also don’t think you need one specific day to show your partner that you love them like the Hallmark holiday of Valentines Day. You should appreciate each other every day and no one should tell you when, where and why…. Continue Reading

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Getting A Second Date: The Real Truth Part 2

By Melany on May 5, 2014 in Relationships

And without further ado…..PART 2 to Getting A Second Date: The Real Truth. If you did not read PART 1 – you should! 4. Manners/Doesn’t Know Shit/Full of Shit -She thinks that if she is indecisive and acts like she doesn’t know what to order while at dinner that it makes her date feel more like a man and being courteous to his wallet. Unfortunately, the only thing this does is annoy him and makes him want to jump out the nearest window (which is nearby their “best” table he has so cleverly arranged with the host while being early)…. Continue Reading

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Izola Style: Snarky Flasks & More, Plus Enter to Win

By Melany on May 1, 2014 in Goodies

After wading through tons of emails the past few weeks I came across one from a site that I absolutely love. The items that caught my attention first are the flasks (should not be surprising to any of you because I have to carry my Grey Goose in style). They are super cute, snarky and make a great addition to summer gifts or just as a gift to yourself (because you deserve it). I know I deserve one or five drinks after this nightmarish week I have had. Izola is not like any other run of the mill flask company…. Continue Reading

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Getting a Second Date: The Real Truth

By Melany on April 28, 2014 in Relationships

So, you want to know how to get a second date? Before you can “want” a second date you need to successfully survive and impress on the first one, right? I am willing to bet that no one willingly goes out on first dates just to go on one date. First dates are awkward no matter how drunk you get (and that could lead to a more awkward second date but that is a different post). They are by far one of the most uncomfortable situations so it is fair to assume most of us go on a first… Continue Reading

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Bikini Time: Enter To Win $165 from Lululemon

By Melany on April 25, 2014 in Goodies

I am partnering up with one of my favorite bloggers from HeleneInBetween to give you the opportunity to win $165 to Lululemon so you can make sure that you rock those itsy, bitsy bikinis in style (but please leave the makeup at home)! Read below to enter and win! GOOD LUCK and happy almost summer! Now, all I need is a drink with a little umbrella in it (but not too sweet a drink)…..oh, and a nice travel companion. While you are at it – check out some of the other ladies in the giveaway! Now, get to the gym!… Continue Reading

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Surviving Beverly Hills: Rockstars & Bitches

By Melany on April 24, 2014 in Snarky

Earlier this week, I was invited to a schmoozing event in Beverly Hills at the Four Seasons Hotel. I met some exciting people including chatting it up with Shirley Jones and Marty Ingel (just another evening hanging out with an Oscar winner and her comedian husband). They were great and he had me laughing! But, if I had a dollar for every time someone (especially older gentlemen) ask why I am still single or what I do working in social media, I would be filthy, stinking, snarking rich! So, I put Marty to the test and asked if he knows… Continue Reading

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Online Dating Nightmare #1,199

By Melany on April 21, 2014 in Relationships

Hope you all had more fun than I did yesterday. As some of you know, a virus has totally infected AOL in their server. Before, you make some smart-ass comment let me say that I have had AOL since I was 15. It was “MelB” but I hated the spice girls so that was not the premise behind the username. Anyway, I HIGHLY suggest you change passwords and keep up to date with old emails or accounts on websites. For the average person, this is annoying. For me it is a nightmare! Obviously, working in social media means I have… Continue Reading

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Happy Whatever Holiday You Celebrate Without Me Insulting You!

By Melany on April 16, 2014 in Snarky

I can’t believe it is already hump day, the middle of spring break for you lucky young people, 2 days into the trek through the desert for those who eat unleavened bread, and almost hipity-hopity time! I just bought some Bamboo plants at Lowes (they are good luck plants because they barely need to be watered to survive -this is already good luck in my book) and saw eggs that actually hatch flowers. I want one. I mean I do! How cool -eggs that hatch flowers. I either need sleep or need to get out more if eggs entertain me… Continue Reading

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The Snark Tank: Bull’s Eye vs. Bull Sh*t

By Melany on April 8, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

I get asked, “What does a blogger do?” several times a day. It is shocking to me but some people still have the preconceived notion that bloggers are like digital scrap-bookers, sitting in large walk-in closets with laptops and piles of crate paper creating origami birds and posting them on the Internet for their friends and family to feel obligated to look at. Sure, there are foodie bloggers who are physically unable to stick any morsel of food in their mouth without documenting every moment of the experience (just eat it – don’t share unless I can actually taste the… Continue Reading

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16 Things Not To Do At (Any/Social Media) Conference

By Melany on April 2, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

1. Not knowing your competition. Know if anyone is dominating your niche in the market. I am 70% sure there may be someone doing what you think you have created. Can’t you hear Drunk Uncle from SNL saying “I’m prrrrrrrreetttttyyyy suuuuuurrrrrree…..” someone is already doing that? Do your research! 2. Do not wear high heels during the day so you look like a wounded stork walking through the hotel. This will make people notice you but not in a good way and then you can’t attend the rest of the conference and have to call in wounded the second day…. Continue Reading

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10 Winners, 10 L’Essential Vapor Couture Kits Worth A Total $650

By Melany on March 29, 2014 in Goodies

You asked for it and here it is! Another giveaway! I love giving my readers snarky things and you can’t get much snarkier than the L’Essential kits from Vapor Couture. If you have been reading my past few posts you know that Vapor Couture is the only ecig exclusively designed for women. It’s about time. No more batons for me. Vapor Couture features an ultra-thin jewel tripped rechargeable ecig. Not only that, but they rock some super sexy accessories for you not to break your Vapor Couture ecigs. They offer leather clutches to sterling silver charm necklaces that epitomize modern… Continue Reading

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