Social Media rocks and advances in technology are cool but it is killing my dating life. I can’t remember the last time a guy actually picked up the phone and called me. Also, what is the deal with online dating and guys just wanting to be just texting or email pals? I have enough pals-PAL.
If we have been talking via the computer or some other typing device I want to meet before Teddy Brewski celebrates his next birthday. What the hell are we waiting for? Don’t you have enough people to text or are you so desperate for attention you need to turn to dating sites to build your Iphone book? I could sell you my old phone book from the 80s where I actually wrote down people’s names and numbers and you can play with that. Doodles cost extra.
How does that sound? It sounds as exciting as it is for me to waste my time with endless emails back and forth with some guy I will probably never meet in person.
The last guy I interacted online with just wanted to keep emailing back and forth and back and forth….and back and forth. I need my data usage for something that is actually going to be worthwhile (like shopping or tweeting) and as much as I love sharpening my snarky writing skills, my ADD and patience are over it.
No more than 3 emails are ever needed prior to digit exchange. Once digit exchange occurs no more than 48 hours should lapse prior to utilizing the digits by asking parties. These are guydlines and I should listen to myself more often.
There have been a few times recently where I gave a guy my number and all he wanted to do was text. I am all for interacting but I am a busy chick and not really into texting back and forth a million times with no date in sight. Plus, texting and driving are dangerous and apparently so is online dating.
It is bad for my health. I am not asking for an elaborate date, like a steak dinner because I never commit to eating with someone just in case I show up and he is frightening or sounds like Pee Wee. No commitment to dinner makes it much easier for me to do the side step out the back or side door.
Take the last date I went on. This guy took longer than it should ever take anyone to reply after first contacting me online. He took so long that I moved three times and changed zip codes twice before he actually asked for my number. Then, I could have gotten pregnant and birthed two children before he actually called me.
By the time he called, we set a date and I went with an open mind (kinda) but was one size smaller and had no new clothes to wear.
Strike 1 – He was late. I contacted him to let him know that I was sitting alone at our agreed upon watering hole and he told me he would be there shortly. Nope.
Strike 2 – Who the hell was the guy that came up to me at the bar? I looked like my picture because he found me but if it was reversed I would have never known it was him. Online dating 101. We will eventually find out that you look nothing like your picture.
Strike 3 – Checking out all the female bartenders and knowing their names. Also, when all the bartenders know my “date” and his drink order it means he is a Drunk.
Strike 4-Telling me about his acid trips in college. Did I ask?
Strike 5 – After we wrapped up (and I stayed a lot longer with this tripper than he deserved) not walking me to my car because he stayed to drink thus forcing me to run down the street in a white leather skirt while a monsoon swept over the entire city.
So, I need to pay more attention to the guydlines mentioned prior to agreeing to the date that turned out to be a waste of time but a somewhat entertaining story and blog post for my friends.
**Stay snarky my friends!**