Digital Pen Pals: Online Dating Time Wasters

Social Media rocks and advances in technology are cool but it is killing my dating life. I can’t remember the last time a guy actually picked up the phone and called me. Also, what is the deal with online dating and guys just wanting to be just texting or email pals? I have enough pals-PAL. 

If we have been talking via the computer or some other typing device I want to meet before Teddy Brewski celebrates his next birthday. What the hell are we waiting for? Don’t you have enough people to text or are you so desperate for attention you need to turn to dating sites to build your Iphone book? I could sell you my old phone book from the 80s where I actually wrote down people’s names and numbers and you can play with that. Doodles cost extra. 

How does that sound? It sounds as exciting as it is for me to waste my time with endless emails back and forth with some guy I will probably never meet in person.


Digital Pen Pals: Online Dating Time Wasters

Yeah, basically.

The last guy I interacted online with just wanted to keep emailing back and forth and back and forth….and back and forth. I need my data usage for something that is actually going to be worthwhile (like shopping or tweeting) and as much as I love sharpening my snarky writing skills, my ADD and patience are over it.

No more than 3 emails are ever needed prior to digit exchange. Once digit exchange occurs no more than 48 hours should lapse prior to utilizing the digits by asking parties. These are guydlines and I should listen to myself more often.

There have been a few times recently where I gave a guy my number and all he wanted to do was text. I am all for interacting but I am a busy chick and not really into texting back and forth a million times with no date in sight. Plus, texting and driving are dangerous and apparently so is online dating.

It is bad for my health. I am not asking for an elaborate date, like a steak dinner because I never commit to eating with someone just in case I show up and he is frightening or sounds like Pee Wee. No commitment to dinner makes it much easier for me to do the side step out the back or side door.

Take the last date I went on. This guy took longer than it should ever take anyone to reply after first contacting me online. He took so long that I moved three times and changed zip codes twice before he actually asked for my number. Then, I could have gotten pregnant and birthed two children before he actually called me.

By the time he called, we set a date and I went with an open mind (kinda) but was one size smaller and had no new clothes to wear.

Strike 1 – He was late. I contacted him to let him know that I was sitting alone at our agreed upon watering hole and he told me he would be there shortly. Nope.

Strike 2 – Who the hell was the guy that came up to me at the bar? I looked like my picture because he found me but if it was reversed I would have never known it was him. Online dating 101. We will eventually find out that you look nothing like your picture.

Strike 3 – Checking out all the female bartenders and knowing their names. Also, when all the bartenders know my “date” and his drink order it means he is a Drunk.

Strike 4-Telling me about his acid trips in college. Did I ask?

Strike 5 – After we wrapped up (and I stayed a lot longer with this tripper than he deserved) not walking me to my car because he stayed to drink thus forcing me to run down the street in a white leather skirt while a monsoon swept over the entire city.

So, I need to pay more attention to the guydlines mentioned prior to agreeing to the date that turned out to be a waste of time but a somewhat entertaining story and blog post for my friends.

**Stay snarky my friends!**

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24 Responses to Digital Pen Pals: Online Dating Time Wasters

  1. Craig September 2, 2014 at 11:32 pm #

    I don’t get it. You are so beautiful. Maybe these guys are threatened by your looks. Or is it your brain? What a bunch of wimps. You deserve better.

    • Melany September 3, 2014 at 7:09 am #

      Thank you so much. Not sure wtf is going on!

  2. Helene September 3, 2014 at 11:27 am #

    I think guys just suck. i think i would have thrown said drink in his face!

    • Melany September 4, 2014 at 5:34 pm #

      They do! I should have done that! Why didnt I think of that?

  3. Jennifer September 3, 2014 at 1:55 pm #

    It drives me nuts, about the whole texting thing. The guy I’m seeing right now will text off and on all day……I wish he would call one night. I’m so sick of texting. Annoyes the heck out of me…….just freaking call.

    • Melany September 3, 2014 at 9:41 pm #

      YES! I agree. Want me to tell him? LOL

  4. Boston Single Girl (@BostnSingleGirl) September 3, 2014 at 1:56 pm #

    OMG it’s horrible isn’t it?? I used to use the 3 message rule. If we had gone back and forth for 2 messages each: initial message, response, etc.. and we hadn’t exchanged numbers then my final email to them was asking them what they were looking for and what they hoped to gain from using X site.This usually either sent them away or they would respond with: I’m just checking it out” (aka they’re looking to see who will immediately fuck them) or they would actually respond with something genuine about wanting to meet people. Since I’m very straight forward, if I liked their answer and felt it was more than just a guy looking for a quick fuck or a pen pal, I’d give my number. I barely have time for the friends I already have, sorry, I don’t need a dating site to find pen pals! LOL

    • Melany September 4, 2014 at 5:33 pm #

      TOTES! I hate the just checking in. I am not Southwest!

  5. Steve B. September 3, 2014 at 2:35 pm #

    M – which is worse: online dating pen pals, or those who just write looking for a hookup (such as on Tinder?)

    • Melany September 3, 2014 at 9:41 pm #

      they both suck but if the person is up front from the get go on tinder – it is better than the other!

  6. Ms. Cheevious September 3, 2014 at 3:21 pm #

    We’ve all had long email and text streaks. In my book that always meant tweaking my profile was in order. I would change things to read as such: I don’t email back and forth, and back and forth… and back and forth. If we don’t know we want to date after the first few emails, it’s time to move on. —- Then again, I never used apps like Tinder or whatever, which may or may not allow for huge amounts of information. Just turn these guys off. Follow your guydlines and be done with the losers. NOT WORTH THE TIME and EFFORT. 🙂

    • Melany September 4, 2014 at 5:32 pm #

      Yep – next. Dont worry – you didnt miss anything not having Tinder. LOL

  7. Alison McIlroy September 3, 2014 at 9:13 pm #

    Can I borrow your skirt?

    • Melany September 3, 2014 at 9:18 pm #

      Huh? Which one? LOL!

  8. Marrie September 4, 2014 at 11:07 am #

    No sh*t! Your guydlines for email are pure perfection! It does seem to be a growing trend with men and women on dating sites. I don’t get it? Who’s got the time? Don’t you have any real friends? Ummm, maybe that’s it! Or perhaps, maybe dude was married, or underage, or frankly, who cares at this point…NEXT!

    • Melany September 4, 2014 at 5:32 pm #

      I always think the dude is married. Always -so frustrating! AS much as I LOVE social media – I loathe it some times 🙁 We dont know how to communicate anymore.

  9. Elli Raine (@1SingleLadyBug) September 4, 2014 at 7:35 pm #

    Hahahahahaha, oh this is SO true. I seriously don’t understand these “pen pals”… like what are you getting out of just texting me? Why WOULDNT you want to meet in person? So frustrating. If you don’t want to meet within the first day or two of messaging, I’m done! (And I would assume he seriously lacks confidence and is just looking to gain it through talking to women? I don’t know..)

    • Melany September 5, 2014 at 6:02 am #

      Exactly! or married? or living with someone? or hiding something else weird!

  10. Kristyne Kaye September 6, 2014 at 10:33 am #

    This post! Yassssss! Keeping woman on an e-hook. I recently learned about this and blogged about it too! It’s quite fascinating, if not incredibly frustrating. It’s how a guy keeps you into him, but sits you on the sidelines while he dates other women. He’ll never actually ask you out, just send quick, casual messages to keep you hooked and interested so, when he wants, he can come back to you.

    I definitely agree social media and smartphones have made people WORSE at dating. It’s given time-wasters, commitment phobes, players and cheaters better ways to waste your time, avoid commitment, play and cheat. Just say not, ladies! Ignore those messages. They’ll get the point!

    • Melany September 8, 2014 at 6:04 pm #

      But, sometimes you don’t know they are time wasters in the beginning – so how do you know when to ignore? So frustrating – thanks for the comment!

  11. Single Dating Diva September 9, 2014 at 2:38 pm #

    I completely agree!!! SOOOOO many time wasters out there. It’s insane. They just want to “chat” and it leads to nothing, but you can usually tell because guys who actually want to meet will mention it pretty early on, the rest will just chat and chat and chat. That’s why I’ve taken dating OFFLINE … it may be slower on the intake but quality is so much better. You just have know your limit and stick to it. Great post!!

    • Melany September 9, 2014 at 8:38 pm #

      Awww thanks! So frustrating but I am happy that I am not alone in this!

  12. October 3, 2014 at 1:13 pm #

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      AWw thanks so much! Happy you found me! Thanks for the comment and I have a lot of tips…..doubt it will fit here! Follow me on Twitter or Facebook-I try to answer everything. LMK! Thanks so much!

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