Guydlines for a Fun Labor Day Weekend

For most of you, it is a long weekend. For social media people, it is never a weekend. Social Media never sleeps and as you all know – neither do I. But, I am promising myself that this weekend will be different. I am a liar. But, I am going to TRY really hard. You read it here first and I hate to let you down.

At least I am tired this time from doing so many new things. I am “re-tired” after looking at all the pics I wanted to include in this post so let me try and make it brief. But, I highly recommend doing something new this long weekend and say “why not?” to new things. Here are some “guydlines” for you and some new things to try (or not).

Rocking out with crickets. I don’t recommend this. They are annoying, poop, mate like rabbits, attract scorpions and kicked me out of my first residence in Az.

Not my favorite band.

Move twice in one month. Again, not recommended especially for someone who is
OCD like me and had to pack, unpack, sort and design the layout of my closet twice. I have a lot of shoes.

Closet one – OCD

Closet 2: I know Teddy – again with the OCD and ADD!

Cleanse. I have done this before but never like Isagenix. This stuff rocks. There are a lot of powders and liquid but I just pretend I am a mad chemist. I need to make myself a hat. 

I am a mad chemist! Isagnenix pantry

Cook and post pics of food. I am totes not into food pics but everyone in the entire world is and I aim to please. Plus, I am a great cook and am doing it more often. What’s for dinner?

Say farewell to one of my all time favorite bands, Motley Crue. I hate goodbyes but as someone who comes from working in the music business, I am sure that Motley Crue will be back around and around (like Ratt – bonus points if you get this reference). What number farewell tour are we on for the Stones or the Eagles? I worked on the Eagles Farewell 2 Tour before they converted to using Roman numerals to confuse people because they had done so many farewell tours. Come on – creativity people?

Take selfies – well, IG demands it and it is kinda fun seeing how dumb I can be by myself. 

Attend a comedy show with new friends I did not know then but a month later are my go to people today! Meet a few comedians that night and end up hanging out and taking pics with people I don’t know but they walked me home in the rain – so that was nice. This was before the rain began….

Kim but not KIM-BO

Workout on a machine that is just like me – OCD, ADD and a multi-tasker. 

You have met your match

Watch a friend ride (fall off) a bull at a rodeo bar. 

Attend a tweet up at the VIP Cox Communication suite for a Diamondbacks baseball game. Kiss a weird mascot who I think may have actually been a little girl dressed up as a guy. I did not know that when I grabbed “herms” ass. 

BOOTY! #digeez

Golf. Yes. Me. Golf in a Metallica shirt.

Of course, Metallica shirts are always the proper attire.

Buy 2 cowboy boots and rock that shit on a dance floor while taking line-dancing lessons from a man older than my grandfather.

I am a little country but a whole lot rock n roll! Now these are shit kickers.

Be immortalized in Black and White by a very talented fan.

Pencil Portrait 10″ x 8″ of @Melanyb12 http://t.co/8bsZEI13IY pic.twitter.com/74EyroEtt8

— Tim (@qwertying) August 19, 2014

Selfie progress (I think they are getting better).

Single events (again something I don’t recommend and no pic needed – wrote an entire post about this).

Rent a boat and drive into a dock (in front of the guys we rented from) while trying to park said boat at the lake. Oh, get lost trying to get back to dock from the other side of lake – that was first.

WEEEEEE until I crashed.

Buy stock in Victoria’s Secret to replenish Teddy’s new favorite food of choice.

He used to only eat beige but I see his taste has matured to neon shades.

Go on 4 dates. One did not look anything like his pic, two left me to run in heels during a monsoon, three was stoned and still waiting on the outcome of four. (Pics damaged in monsoon rain and set on fire by the horrified look on my face during the dates).

Be introduced to comedian Colin Kane via a mutual friend on Facebook. Attend his show at the Tempe Improv and my ears will never be as innocent as they were prior to his set. Mom was right when I got a text from her saying, “he is dirty” and yes he was. All my friends are fans now. Check him out, you will love him -promise! 

Waiting for Colin Kane to go on at the Tempe Improv

Personally witness a couple propositioning my friend to “swing” via text message with this….. 

At least she was giving off some type of “vibe” but not sure this was the response she was looking for.

Go to a burlesque, circus show on acid (not me but probably them) and leave at intermission to play with the cement figures on the lawn because I have seen more talent in an eighth grade play. 

I got some head that night!

Go to a bar in Arizona with an ice hockey rink in the middle. It was awesome and special shout out to the lady behind the bar wearing the same jean skirt her daughter wore the first day of school for 5th grade (sadly no pic but I am sure you can use your imagination, right?)

Win BIG at an Indian Casino. Thank you chief.

Now you know what I am pointing at?

See mom twice in one month! YAY – I am a lucky cat. Love mom.

Wear shorts and a hat! Who am I?

Who am I?

Now what are you up to this weekend?

**Stay snarky my friends!**