Insomnia: Top 12 Things (NOT) To Do When I Can’t Sleep

Just woke up with a start and was thinking how can I write a blog post at 3:00AM without it sounding weird. Well, that already sounds weird so here is a list of the top things I do when abruptly interrupted from my much needed beauty rest. (Please note all of these are done while tip-toeing as not to wake up my sleeping beauty AKA  – Teddy Brewski because once he starts barking, he will NEVER stop. Dogs don’t have internal alarm clocks. We are their clocks).

Oh wow. That must be the true definition of REM sleep! JELLY!

Oh wow. That must be the true definition of REM sleep! JELLY!

1. Pee- Don’t you? Usually the reason I wake up in the middle of the night. No other alternative except to get up and take care of business. I am too old for Pampers and too young for Depends. I will just have to deal with it.
2. Drink – I like to stick to non-alcoholic beverages especially in the wee hours. You know, I might need to drive soon or in 7 hours. Wee and pee?
3. Chow – My fridge directly communicates with my stomach via hi- tech noises referred to as “rumbling” or “growling” and they have an exclusive relationship at 3:00AM.
4. “OMG What did I forget to do thoughts nagging at my brain” – Well, this can vary to uber important tasks such as scheduling my nail appointment or facial to “oh shit” I didn’t answer the email from the President.
5. “OMG What did I do thoughts nagging at my heart”- This does not happen as often as it used to. Kinda miss that….in a weird way.
6. “OMG What am I going to do thoughts in my soul?”-Only occurs when I never actually achieve the bliss of REM sleep that people tell me exists.
7. Temperature problems – Turn up the heat and then turn on the AC. What is the best temp to sleep in anyway? Well, I obviously just told you that I am bi-polar in this department and have no idea if I am more comfortable baking or defrosting. I believe this could be an ongoing problem.
8. Work. I need to write a blog post. Hence, why I am doing it now. If not now, I will forget because this is a dream (or nightmare) and they always say to write those sleeping activities down immediately, right? I will just blame “them” whoever “they” are.
9. Check my online dating – Always leads to a nightmare.
10. Shop-Retail therapy in the middle of the night is never a good idea. You know? I thought that dress looked a little short but when I received it in the mail my thoughts are confirmed, as it is more suitable for a 9-year-old boy or lady of the night on Sunset and LA Brea. It may also break the bank. My math skills are not that stellar when I am 100% awake so you work the numbers (please).
11. Check social media – Root of all evil. Just look where this ended up.
12. Remote Control – Where is it? Hiding within the sheets I just lost a wrestling match with an hour ago.

Melanysguydlines #6 ? Go back to bed. Sleeping is not overrated (and don’t forget to save blog post written in the wee hours of the morning to make sure it is written in English and not yawn or bark). Also, hide credit cards and passwords after 12AM.

**Stay snarky my friends!**

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16 Responses to Insomnia: Top 12 Things (NOT) To Do When I Can’t Sleep

  1. AJ March 7, 2014 at 9:37 am #

    I have always suspected my fridge was telepathic.

    • Melany March 7, 2014 at 11:49 am #

      Me too! Maybe we have the same kind?

  2. Mary March 7, 2014 at 9:59 am #

    So much love & light to you! & great post <3

    • Melany March 7, 2014 at 11:49 am #

      Thank you!

  3. Libby March 7, 2014 at 12:57 pm #

    Whatever you do, don’t start watching Breaking Bad! You will dream in spanish, think you’re in the cartel and become so addicted to the show you’ll be up all night!

    • Melany March 7, 2014 at 1:09 pm #

      I will keep that in mind! LOL

  4. Wendy Byde March 7, 2014 at 10:18 pm #

    I’m sorry but many of these ARE what I do when I can’t sleep! 🙂

    • Melany March 8, 2014 at 11:01 am #

      hahaahah! true true

  5. Steph March 8, 2014 at 7:07 am #

    #4 and # 5 are close to my heart. That and the countdown. If I don’t fall asleep in 10 minutes I will have only slept x hours and be miserable tomorrow. 30 minutes later still staring at alarm clock…

    • Melany March 8, 2014 at 11:01 am #

      The countdown is the WORST. Maybe I need to do a part 2?

  6. lionel sellers March 11, 2014 at 8:28 pm #

    12 things that you don’t do when you can’t sleep 1.dont eat no food you will really be up.2 don’t drink no coffee. You will go crazy. 3 don’t drive your car late at night. The police officer will stop you. 4dont watch no tv you will never get to sleep. 5 no talking on the phone cell phone. Battery will go dead and u won’t know if uwon.6 get rid of timewarner andget direct TV better channels and no reruns. 7.dont do no running fast u might catch heart attack. Just walk around in a circle until you get tired. 8.cut your grass and if the neighbors say something tell them you were sleep working and didn’t notice the time. 9.if you can’t sleep .play the piano loud. 10.if you can t sleep grab a beer and some wine and cheese and party with your self. 11.if you can’t sleep wash your walls. 12.if you can’t sleep pop some valuime.somers, zany. Play the music. And just sit back and enjoy the benefits of waiting.

    • Melany March 18, 2014 at 10:47 am #

      Thanks for the comment – but BE CAREFUL!

  7. Kayla March 25, 2014 at 1:11 am #

    Loved your blog post!

    It’s currently 4:08 AM. I’ve been hanging out with my wide awake self sense 2:00 AM… And it started with me having to pee.

    Honestly I’m thinking about cheesecake.. How I should work for the CIA and how I’d like to be a plane crash investigator.

    Happy I am not alone when the hours of insomnia strike!


    • Melany March 25, 2014 at 9:06 am #

      AHAHAHA!! Thank you – you are def not alone!

  8. Mindy May 27, 2014 at 11:12 pm #

    Things (NOT) to do when I can’t sleep…well, even tho my children are asleep, like normal people should be, in the middle of the night, my mind is very loud with all the things I need to get done. So, while it seems like a great idea to sit up and get some of those tasks completed, it is probably not such a great idea to try to multitask when I should be sleeping. Proof of this would be as follows: while having the ingredients to my salsa from my shopping list might help others plan their weekend menu, and as proactive as providing a good workout list of exercises promised to re-shape ones legs, these things, along with the other ‘to-do’ lists I may have screaming at me in my head, often are not so valuable that they would get me a good grade on a literary review for one of my courses in communication about new media. LOL luckily, I never turned this master piece in 😉

    • Melany May 28, 2014 at 9:52 pm #

      HAHAAHA! I should do another one of these posts. People seem to really relate to it. Or better yet? We should all have a party online when we can’t sleep! LOL

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