I decided to take my own advice and “put on my big girl panties” and jump into the bloggers universe full force by attending the New Media Expo in Las Vegas. At first, I was a little hesitant to go to the convention, as I am fairly new to the blogosphere and thought that if the people were anything like the people in the music business they were not the friendliest in the world and there would not be much learning….just a lot of partying (which is Ok but I need to learn how to make some money with this blog eventually, RIGHT?)
Everybody was welcoming and I learned so much from the experience. There are so many social media people and sites out there that my brain is still running on the treadmill in my head and can’t stop.
However, I was able to force my brain to stop long enough to write down some of the greatest hits (and blunders) from the conference:
I attended a lecture by a man who took too much acid in the 70’s. He spoke so fast that I could not keep up with him (and I think he could have doubled as an auctioneer). In between his psychotic ranting I managed to understand that this man is making millions with his relentless firing of blog content (about relentless firing of blog content). I still have no idea what he wrote about and neither did anyone else but we were certain that he blogged a lot. A LOT. Picture an old hippy worth millions dressed in his Sunday best. Your typical millionaire giving a lecture wearing shorts that were passed down to him by his great-grandfather (you could nearly see an ass imprint in the back), a Phil Lesh T-shirt that has almost outlived all of the Grateful Dead tours, and rocking long grey hair that had not been cut since he cursed Motley Crue taking over the 1980’s rock scene. I think they were piping Nag Champa incense into the room too because I left smelling like Haight Ashbury in San Francisco. This Rockstar discovered how to make money blogging while taking way too much Adderall. Fantastic combination. I walked out very awake and armed with a coupon to the local dispensary in my neighborhood (was on the back of Hippy’s card along with his 50,000,000 blog sites). Great marketing. I am more confused.
The next lecture that was noteworthy (not the correct word here) consisted of how 3 guys incorporating Rap and their belief in God. The first guy spoke in a monotone (at best) voice while telling us how excited he was about blogging. He continued his talk by reading his notes that were obviously written by someone else. He used informative words such as “blah, blah, blah” and explained to the audience full of bloggers that we should use “hyperbowl” in our writing. At first, I thought maybe the “hyperbowl” was a game better than the Superbowl? Or, I thought it could be just a bunch of bloggers, hyped up on Adderall like the first lecturer. Still not sure what a “hyperbowl” is but I think he was referring to “hyperbole”.
This guy is a successful blogger but he never said that he knew how to read. Considering his audience was full of bloggers, maybe he should have reviewed his notes before lecturing.
As for the social aspect of the conference, there was a sponsored party at one of the Vegas clubs. These tech people can party (kinda)! But, I have to admit that I felt a little awkward when EVERY single guy I was talking to at the party hit on my guy friend. What am I chopped liver? Each person that came up to us at the bar took a picture (upon my request) and one by one, each guy commented how great my guy friend looked in the picture. Was I back in SF again? Shit! Maybe I should get back in the music business. In particular, there was a portly, bald guy wearing a grey sweater vest and light pink bow tie. I rubbed his smooth head glistening and reflecting rainbow lights of the Vegas club as if he was my own personal slot machine Buddha. I told Sparkly Buddha that I loved his outfit and asked if he was a blogger. His response to me was “Thanks Dear!” emphasis on the “r” and aka “Shut the F@#$#@ up I want to talk to your guy friend bitch move out of the way”. I decided to retire a bit early from the party.
Alas, as I was leaving the club with my tail between my legs, I was thrown a bone from a nice looking young man asking me where I was headed. We spoke for a bit and after I began to restore some dignity, I glanced down and noticed that shiny gold, round thing on his digit. Yes-married. When I asked him about it he gave the cliché response “whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” unless you are at the same conference as the individual and see them the next day in between lectures. At least he had enough “chutzpah” to raise his hand and wave at me (while probably on the phone with his wife and kids). I smirked and waved back. ASSHOLE.
I was able to roll out of bed early enough the last day to attend the lecture by Dana White from the UFC. I love UFC. No, I really do. Please ask me anything (mom is embarrassed at how much I actually know). He spoke of his love of Twitter and it allowing him the ability to be properly quoted in real time. I am starting to like Twitter especially because people love to talk behind my back about what I say and do. Watch out for Twitter people!
BTW. The God and Rap guy kept calling what you do on Twitter “Twits”. Guy – they are TWEETS and you are a Twit! Dummy. Do you Twit or Tweet?
Melany’s Guydline #31–Whatever happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas (especially with the advent of Twitter). You can TWEET about all the TWITS you meet in real time without missing a beat.
**Stay snarky my friends!**