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Do you Twit or Tweet?

I decided to take my own advice and “put on my big girl panties” and jump into the bloggers universe full force by attending the New Media Expo in Las Vegas. At first, I was a little hesitant to go to the convention, as I am fairly new to the blogosphere and thought that if the people were anything like the people in the music business they were not the friendliest in the world and there would not be much learning….just a lot of partying (which is Ok but I need to learn how to make some money with this blog eventually, RIGHT?)

Everybody was welcoming and I learned so much from the experience. There are so many social media people and sites out there that my brain is still running on the treadmill in my head and can’t stop.

dummies

I TWEET WHILE I SHEET

However, I was able to force my brain to stop long enough to write down some of the greatest hits (and blunders) from the conference:

I attended a lecture by a man who took too much acid in the 70’s. He spoke so fast that I could not keep up with him (and I think he could have doubled as an auctioneer). In between his psychotic ranting I managed to understand that this man is making millions with his relentless firing of blog content (about relentless firing of blog content). I still have no idea what he wrote about and neither did anyone else but we were certain that he blogged a lot. A LOT. Picture an old hippy worth millions dressed in his Sunday best. Your typical millionaire giving a lecture wearing shorts that were passed down to him by his great-grandfather (you could nearly see an ass imprint in the back), a Phil Lesh T-shirt that has almost outlived all of the Grateful Dead tours, and rocking long grey hair that had not been cut since he cursed Motley Crue taking over the 1980’s rock scene. I think they were piping Nag Champa incense into the room too because I left smelling like Haight Ashbury in San Francisco. This Rockstar discovered how to make money blogging while taking way too much Adderall. Fantastic combination. I walked out very awake and armed with a coupon to the local dispensary in my neighborhood (was on the back of Hippy’s card along with his 50,000,000 blog sites). Great marketing. I am more confused.

Thanks for stupid people!

Our lives would be so less entertaining without our stupid friends.

The next lecture that was noteworthy (not the correct word here) consisted of how 3 guys incorporating Rap and their belief in God. The first guy spoke in a monotone (at best) voice while telling us how excited he was about blogging. He continued his talk by reading his notes that were obviously written by someone else. He used informative words such as “blah, blah, blah” and explained to the audience full of bloggers that we should use “hyperbowl” in our writing.  At first, I thought maybe the “hyperbowl” was a game better than the Superbowl? Or, I thought it could be just a bunch of bloggers, hyped up on Adderall like the first lecturer. Still not sure what a “hyperbowl” is but I think he was referring to “hyperbole”.

This guy is a successful blogger but he never said that he knew how to read. Considering his audience was full of bloggers, maybe he should have reviewed his notes before lecturing.

As for the social aspect of the conference, there was a sponsored party at one of the Vegas clubs. These tech people can party (kinda)! But, I have to admit that I felt a little awkward when EVERY single guy I was talking to at the party hit on my guy friend. What am I chopped liver? Each person that came up to us at the bar took a picture (upon my request) and one by one, each guy commented how great my guy friend looked in the picture. Was I back in SF again? Shit! Maybe I should get back in the music business. In particular, there was a portly, bald guy wearing a grey sweater vest and light pink bow tie. I rubbed his smooth head glistening and reflecting rainbow lights of the Vegas club as if he was my own personal slot machine Buddha. I told Sparkly Buddha that I loved his outfit and asked if he was a blogger. His response to me was “Thanks Dear!” emphasis on the “r” and aka “Shut the F@#$#@ up I want to talk to your guy friend bitch move out of the way”. I decided to retire a bit early from the party.

Alas, as I was leaving the club with my tail between my legs, I was thrown a bone from a nice looking young man asking me where I was headed.  We spoke for a bit and after I began to restore some dignity, I glanced down and noticed that shiny gold, round thing on his digit. Yes-married. When I asked him about it he gave the cliché response “whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” unless you are at the same conference as the individual and see them the next day in between lectures. At least he had enough “chutzpah” to raise his hand and wave at me (while probably on the phone with his wife and kids). I smirked and waved back. ASSHOLE.

I was able to roll out of bed early enough the last day to attend the lecture by Dana White from the UFC. I love UFC. No, I really do. Please ask me anything (mom is embarrassed at how much I actually know). He spoke of his love of Twitter and it allowing him the ability to be properly quoted in real time. I am starting to like Twitter especially because people love to talk behind my back about what I say and do. Watch out for Twitter people!

BTW. The God and Rap guy kept calling what you do on Twitter “Twits”. Guy – they are TWEETS and you are a Twit! Dummy. Do you Twit or Tweet?

Melany’s Guydline #31–Whatever happens in Vegas does not stay in Vegas (especially with the advent of Twitter). You can TWEET about all the TWITS you meet in real time without missing a beat.

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Follow me on Twitter @Melanyb12!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Stay snarky my friends!**

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20 Responses to Do you Twit or Tweet?

  1. Esther B January 16, 2013 at 9:32 am #

    Wow. You are truly a funny lady. I can really picture what you describe and can’t stop laughing. Keep it up.

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

      Thanks! It runs in the family I guess!

  2. miguel nolasco January 16, 2013 at 9:42 am #

    DANG MELANY when I finally get to meet you in person some where on this planet. I will never hit on YOUR friend. Even if your friend would happen to look like a”Diane LANE type of woman” which is my DREAM WOMAN. . I would also hang on everyone of YOUR words coming out of your mouth even when YOU would talk nonstop about your BELOVED 49ders and GIANTS. because you’re are the most interesting person whoever has written a BLOG on this planet.You will have me at “HELLO” and “GOOD MORNING” the next day, When you ask ME if my head is pounding after all the SHOTS of JACK DANIELS you dare me to DRINK to prove my LOVE for YOU and YOUR BLOG.. And I will say, “HELL NO bring more on.”

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

      Happy you like it! Thanks for the support!

  3. Kristen January 16, 2013 at 10:49 am #

    Married!!! Eww what a fucker!!!! It’s funny how all the secrets to Vegas somehow surface one way or another;))

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 12:53 pm #

      Right! Seems to be in the air right now – shame on him! Vegas secrets do surface one way or another. You are so right!

  4. Green January 16, 2013 at 11:51 am #

    Acid-Hippy-guy, ultra-boring God-Rapper, and UFC… wonderful!!
    love it!

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 12:53 pm #

      It was eventful! But, I did learn a lot about social media!

  5. Eli@coachdaddy January 16, 2013 at 2:23 pm #

    Your description of these guys is hilariously vivid. Of course, we men are pretty much caricatures of ourselves, so we serve it up on a platter! Still, you have to love a woman who can paint us in all our twitty glory.

    I’m feeling Ravens/49ers, Melany. Which nearly guarantees a Patriots/Falcons Super Bowl.

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

      I am happy you liked it! Vivid – is what I am trying for here. Happy that I can paint you in your “twitty” glory. (you = men).
      49ers! Superbowl! Watch it!

  6. Dave Kevoe January 16, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    Not really sure of the point of this particular blog. All I heard was blah blah blah, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and another hardship of attracting gay men into your universe. Thanks for sharing. So how do you think the 49ers are going to do this coming weekend? I think they will be in the Superbowl vs New England, where you should host a Superbowl Party. 🙂

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

      As always Dave – the point is for a laugh and to make fun of the idiots out there! It made me laugh! Yes, 49ers are going to super bowl. I am watching the game early this sunday – interested?
      Unfortunately, no party here as I will be in Phx for the Phx open!

  7. Ariel January 16, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

    Hi Melany! Sound like you had an adventure at #NMX From excited lecturers who may or may not “twit” to photo op after parties. Wait until you start going to the LA Tech scene events and parties. Can’t wait to read your blog post about those.

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 7:48 pm #

      HEY! Ariel! HAHA! Was an entertaining evening at NMX. Looking forward to the LA events…..I am sure they will be full of great content! Thanks for the comment!

  8. Patricia January 16, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    Great site, gave me a good chuckle.

    • Melany January 16, 2013 at 7:49 pm #

      Patricia – happy you came to my site! Thanks for the comment.

  9. Crystal Spraggins January 17, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    Soooo, I’m guessing I should skip this next year?

    • Melany January 18, 2013 at 6:46 am #

      Actually – it was great! I learned a lot and got some great contacts from the social media expo. These were just the funny moments.

  10. Robert January 20, 2013 at 8:10 am #

    I think you hit it out of the ball park. This is so true. And we are all at fault for communicating this way. You do have a funny way of presenting it. I’ll be back. Ha, Ha.

    • Melany January 21, 2013 at 6:57 am #

      Thanks for the comment! Please come back often!

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