OK kids, as promised it’s time to throw a bone to the best friends a blog could ask for — our snarky Twitter followers! Last month we put together a little thank you once we reached the 3,000 benchmark. This time, you’ve stepped it up a notch with your love & loyalty, so we’ll reciprocate. In 2013, so it’s only polite to throw heaps of praise at individuals we’ll never meet. Did I develop crushes on some of you while I scoured your accounts for funny tweets? It’s possible….
Without further ado, our Melany’s Guydlines Twitter showcase, round 2.
Five Followers That Crack Us Up
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there's already been a wrist injury…but I should be ok in a couple days.
— maaaax (@0fficialTw4t) June 18, 2013
Don't text me a winky face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
— maaaax (@0fficialTw4t) June 17, 2013
Jess the Mess @juicedds
I can't trust anyone with my secrets…except in Twitter. You guys are all solid and never talk shit.
— Jess The Mess (@juicedds) February 8, 2012
My bedroom is where all the *magic happens ! *laughter, shame, guilt, regret, pizza
— Jess The Mess (@juicedds) June 6, 2013
My dad asks for stupid shit when he comes over to eat. Like take salt for instance. That's annoying.
— Mattie (@Mattiehearts2) June 15, 2013
I had to lift my foot so she could scrub my heel, and I'm pretty sure I pulled a stomach muscle. Probably rest a couple days.
— Mattie (@Mattiehearts2) June 13, 2013
Sonia Blade @soniaritaaa
Women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. the kitchen has food.
— Sonia Blade. (@Soniaritaaa) May 31, 2013
So if Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God… Did Mary have a little lamb?
— Sonia Blade. (@Soniaritaaa) May 26, 2013
Followers With Top Notch Handles
Arrogant Twat @arrogant_twat
– twat is just a funny word, I can’t help it
Sugar Tits @bitchymctits
– I haven’t been to McDonald’s in years, but McTits sound like the prize in some sort of wonderful adult Happy Meal
Ephie Taylor @goodballs
– From a male perspective, I can’t think of anything that would make balls “good”. Atrocious looking chandeliers of pain.
Whiskey River @69scootertrash
– Having lived in places where the DUI Mopeds accounted for about half the traffic, this handle conjures grizzly mental images of hillbilly sex acts. Why is this on here again?
Bourby McBourbon @bourbonmelikey
– mmmmm. Me too.
– The thought of a fake Red Lobster is giving my colon chills
Our Favorite Suggested Twitter Accounts
(that we probably won’t follow)
Beggin’ Strips @beggin
– Me thinks MGL First Puppy Teddy Brewski has been using our Twitter account…
Kim Kardashian’s Toe @KimKardashsToe
– This little piggy doesn’t give a shit
About 4 different accounts claiming to be Harry Styles
– I didn’t have a clue who this dude was until I googled him 10 minutes ago. Is this what getting old feels like?
3D TV Central @3dtvcentral
– Has the 3D TV phase not died out yet? Marijuana – keeping bad ideas afloat since the dawn of man.
and of course…
Followers We Love For Their Support & Snark!
Follow the Whole Melany’s Guydlines Team!