Ahhh, Las Vegas! My third home. I was born in a casino (I wasn’t but with my innate ability to schlep around the Las Vegas strip, casino, hotels and clubs you would think I was). It is like I was born with a map of the MGM casino in my hand.
Well, I Just got back from my trip where I went with the intention to rock out like a maniac for 48 hours straight. This was interrupted by a little bump in the road but I rallied as best I know how to make the trip a success! Put on my big girl panties and some black eyeliner and went on my merry way. I have been through so much that this was just another chapter in the Book o’ Melany. Nothing surprises me anymore. But, I know for sure that I still have some lessons to learn in life. It was nothing so bad that I could not figure out a way to enjoy myself and win along the way on my slots! Those little “pussys” at the MGM love me! Hopefully, the other “pussys” will STOP FOLLOWING ME. I would take that as my next jackpot any day!
The rock show was great! I love my Godsmack, Shinedown, Staind, Adelitas Way, Buckcherry, Marilyn Manson, and all the other bands that made me bang my head (still nursing a stiff neck), lose my voice, and swear off drinking (for about a day). My body does NOT bounce back like it used to. But, my passion for rock is still “Burning Bright” – Shinedown. If you don’t know it – you should. Another band you should watch for is Otherwise! The Las Vegas local band on the cusp of greatness-trust me. I have a blog.
And a brand new blog for that matter!!!!!!
I am so excited to
say write – Welcome to my NEW and IMPROVED Melany’s Guydlines for all of you people that have a sense of humor and are not scared of your own shadow. Read it and laugh because you think it is funny, agree or not. This blog is here for me! It is my cathartic outlet to release all of the crazy thoughts that run on a constant treadmill in my mind. I know that some of you may have a hard time keeping up or do not agree but wish you could. It’s ok. You don’t have to agree with everything I write (I am right) but you can still read and chuckle to yourself in agreement or disbelief. A blog is a beautiful thing because you can read it and no one can see what you are reading behind your cubicle, laptop, iphone and/or while sitting on the pot.
I think the new look represents me completely. It is bright, loud, rocks, in your face, with a little glitter and kiss to soften. I have worked my ass off on this and you better enjoy it and PASS along to your friends and enemies. (If you don’t know how – ask?) Don’t worry; I pass on to everyone, including my enemies. They love it! BTW…love all the gentlemen who private message me that they read as well! Keep it coming. There are A LOT of you and maybe you all should be friends. You guys rock! And…would you like to go out sometime? I am free all this weekend!
There are a few key things I have learned while writing this blog.
-If you take your computer to a coffee shop to write, bring earphones to drown out sounds of the most annoying people in the world (including but not limited to, high pitch voices).
-Look cute and put on a little lipstick. Mom always tells me, “You never know WHO you are going to meet and WHERE so, just throw on your sunglasses and a little lip gloss and your set”. She is right, unless you have bad skin, frizzy hair, ugly clothes, and awful shoes. Then, you need more help than I can give you in this list. You are in the wrong place – Reference a beauty blog.
-If people tell you they like your blog, individually ask them to please comment, like and pass along your links. If they don’t, get new friends! (Just kidding…kinda) Or, you can tell them you are going to write about ALL of them in your next entry. No one is safe! Teddy, watch out!
-Offer a lifeline to those who are closest to you by promising that you won’t write about them! (KEEP THIS PROMISE)
-Explain to your readers that the funny stories you write are real. Tell them over, over, over and over again because they just don’t understand.
-Only let your parents proofread and pass along to their friends if your posts are PG-13 and involve legal activities. (BONUS: Create a password-protected area for the really juicy stuff – ask me).
-When asked if I am worried writing so candidly may keep people out of my life because they are scared that they will be the subjects of my next blog? I tell them not to do stupid things. I have A LOT more that is just not appropriate to write at this time. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Also, tell them that I don’t need up-tight people in my life. I have been through enough. I was born a bitch, maintained bitchiness through college, had a few years of weakness, but now I am back and have a blog!
-When asked if I am worried that guys won’t date me because they are concerned that they may be part of my next post? If they don’t think what I am writing about is crazy, then I don’t want to date them. STAY AWAY. This could work to my benefit to weed out the idiots I do not need to date. If you can’t see the ridiculousness in all of these stories, we are not meant to be in each other’s lives. Actually, Match.com should use people’s reactions to reading my blog to guide them and act as a measurement for how to pair future couples. If you think the things done by the guys written about here are acceptable, then, sorry to tell you, we are NOT a match! This applies to people like Miss Piggy and Squeaky as well.
-If you take yourself too seriously – don’t write! Or read for that matter. Just go shrivel up in a corner for the rest of your life with all of your thoughts and opinions stored in your little head.
-If you get a nasty comment from someone with a fake email address and hides behind the initials of their name, use it in your next blog post. If you have something to say, be a man or a woman and tell me your name! If you don’t have a sense of humor, then don’t read any further. But, thank you for stopping by and helping my traffic.
-Promote, promote, promote to anyone who has hands and can take your cards, ears and can hear what you are telling them, eyes, and lips so they can help you promote.
PS…best part is that dad said, “I wish you could have gotten this shot from the back.”
**Stay snarky my friends!**