DAMN! Just missed the phone! My initial reaction is if I don’t know the number, I don’t pick it up. If the person wants to talk, they will leave a message and I can call them back, if I actually want to talk to them. Besides, when I went to grab the phone, somehow I pushed all the buttons at the same time and took a picture of my lap, while raising the phone to my ear and saying hello with no one at the other end (I hate that – dumb I phone). Or dumb me, I am blonde. That happens to me a lot and I have a ton of pictures of the floor, rug, my toes, and just weird parts of my body. I digress….
My voicemail goes off 5 minutes later. “Hi Melany, It is (insert crazy friends name here)” in a super squeaky voice. BTW – I hate squeaky voices with a passion. Come on – your voice is not that high girl, tone it down to a level that dogs can hear. Anyway, the message starts with “Hi Melany (squeaky). Want to know how you are doing and what you are doing? I am in (not LA) and I wanted to see if we could meet up for drinks sometime.” I looked over at my sliding glass door and was fearful that it may crack into thousands of pieces from her piercing voice. Then “Squeaky” repeats the last sentence with the EXACT same information but inverts some words. “I am at my parents for dinner and wanted to say, Hi”. Then she repeats that again, twice and concludes with “I am doing really well, and wanted to catch up. I am living in a HALFWAY house, Bye”. Hmmm, I think to myself that a halfway house makes complete sense and does not surprise me that she lives there and wants to meet for a drink. Then, I wonder to myself if it is the same halfway house that the short-stop from my softball team used to live? Squeaky and I were friends in high school and she was a bit crazy then. Seems like a good fit. The short-stop, well….that is a whole other story. Teddy was howling at the phone and turning his head from side to side like dogs do.
Hearing that a friend (or 5) is in a halfway house would probably be weird for most people but is just a regular day in my life. Yes, I have had some interesting friends along the way and she was just another colorful character in my chaotic life. We used to have fun together, maybe that explains a bit more about me and the characters I have in and out of my life and maybe why I am still single.
Wait, she has a fiancé…wtf? What am I missing here?
Welcome another dummy from my past to try and crawl back into my life. I don’t know if she understands that when I do not return her phone calls, ignore her emails, and deny her 15 friend requests in the past 3 years, that I don’t want to be her friend. The last time I saw her she was beating up her boyfriend and trying to kiss me in a bar. I have had enough of halfway houses and squeaky girl friends. Give me someone who lives in an apartment with a baritone voice and we can talk.
Melany’s Guydline # 18 – Beware of those seemingly cute, little, squeaky girls because they could end up in a halfway house and “Single White Female” you.
**Stay snarky my friends!**