I like to think of myself as a real man – I drink beer, watch my fair share of sports and I can actually grow a beard.
But just because I traipse around my bachelor pad in pressed chinos and the occasional smoking jacket (you know you’re jealous; don’t hate) doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy spending time in the diviest bars in town for my favorite sports events. In fact, one of my preferred activities is going to these aforementioned dive bars to hook up with a few ladies. And by ladies, I mean real women.
I’m not going to lie to all of you, I appreciate a woman who knows how to wear her clothes. If we’re being totally honest, though, more often than not, I’d prefer you weren’t wearing anything at all, no matter the situation. But there is a time when I do notice what beautiful women are wearing, and it is rarely a good thing.
Let’s get one thing straight: You are not my dream girl if you’re sporting a little black dress and high heels in a dive bar. You and your natural gifts might look fantastic, but I don’t want to have to worry about you falling and spraining your ankle when we all jump out of our chairs to root for the Cowboys, Celtics or 49ers – any team that isn’t the damn Denver Nuggets, actually – nor do I want to chug a celebratory PBR alone as you sit back and worry about smudging your makeup.
Sure, in other circumstances, I would love to see you in and – forgive me, I’m a man – out of that little black dress. But at my favorite dive bar? Please. If you need all of that makeup and garb as camouflage in a dimly-lit bar that smells like my grandpa’s basement and has peanut shells, broken pretzels and shattered dreams on the floor, I certainly don’t want to know what you’re going to look like in the bright sunlight waking up in my bed the next morning.
Is it harsh? Sure. But I can assure you – Ryan Gosling probably feels the same way.