Happy Fourth of July to all of my Melanysguydlines.com readers! Thank you for your support and being the best readers ever! A few dating tips for you on this day of fireworks and bad eating! Always remember to stay snarky.
Here are few reasons why the Fourth of July is not the best idea for a first date! Take these guydlines and trust me- I have experience in the dating arena (unfortunately).
1. Don’t ever use the pick up line “You want to make fireworks with me?” unless it is on Twitter because you can get away with saying anything there. My new favorite site BTW. Follow me @Melanyb12.
2. You will probably want to wear a tight fitting outfit or bathing suit. This is going to be a problem when shoving your face with hamburgers, hotdogs, cupcakes and whatever parts of animals you can fit nicely into a presentation pretty enough to eat. Remember you never want to look like a sausage in a tight fitting casing no matter how thin you are. Now, go chow! It is the fourth of July and you deserve it.
3. It is going to be hot. You don’t want to worry that you are sweating like a pig and probably even smelling like one too. Just sweat – it is good and maybe you will even lose a pound or two. It will also help you absorb the alcohol faster so that you can save your money buying alcohol. This is an economical reason.
4. Drinking and drunk. You want to and you should. Your wasted self is not as cool as you think you are. Trust me. Not the best first impression.
5. You will want to be drunk and meet that fellow, single, drunk stuffed co-ed next to you and kiss under the fireworks at night. It is like New Years Eve – do it and don’t look back. Getting the phone number is optional. It depends how drunk you are and if your glasses are bottle bottom. That person may have been cute at 11PM but 11AM is a different story.
6. Passing out early. You can’t drink all day if you don’t start early and you don’t want to disappoint anyone if you just need to pass out. Make sure you find a comfy spot and have your keys, wallet, and phone before you do.
7. Lastly, don’t get arrested! It is not a good look ever. Be safe! Don’t drink and drive! Try Uber – it rocks!
**Stay snarky my friends!**
@EMCEENUG and I took to the bikes today and rode around downtown Manchester by the Sea, Massachusetts, as the parade was going by. Fun times… we got all Norman Rockwell on everyone… and are now sitting in front of the fan as the 100 degree heat boils over. Enjoy. I know we will!
hope you had a happy 4th! Of course you don’t need my #guydlines! Ms. Cheevious knows!
I hope you survived the 4th of July. However, I heard er was a terrible accident with fireworks. A little minus I think. But mostly that you had a good day!!! I know what this holiday means to you Americans! Bye Bye Melanie. Speak to you soon with TWITTER!!
Thanks for the comment and coming over from twitter land! You rock –
Ahhhh Melany, this was so me on the 4th! I was sweaty and ugly and full of beer, so logically I totally made out with a guy. (Apparently drinking for 9 hours didn’t make me totally ugly in his beer-goggled eyes.) Let freedom ring!
HAHA – good for you! Yes, let freedom ring!!