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Online Virtual Dating App: At First Sight- will you accept this rose?

I think I might have to eat my words and try this new dating app from Chris Harrison of “The Bachelor”. You know who he is right? You think he would know a little about dating after doing so many years on that show (which I don’t watch – but my mom loves it???) I obviously (unfortunately) know about dating and online dating nightmares which are not snarky or fun. But, lets weigh my options for trying this new dating app that was launched last week! Something has to work well eventually, right? The new dating app – fittingly called… Continue Reading

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Are you a video star? Enter for your chance to win up to $15,000 in CASH!

I get a lot of weird PR requests for the blog, Twitter and Facebook and it takes me a long time to go through all of them. Some of them are just ridiculous. Seriously –I will revisit this at another time. Talking about getting requests regarding topics like Hitler, aliens, fat burning wraps, bullying, depression, mental illness and so much more. I mean – do these PR people read my blog? Not snarky and not humorous topics. Do your research PR people. But, no matter how weird the request are I pride myself on replying to each and every one… Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, All Nerds Part 3: Don’t extinguish my flame

AllTwitter, AllFacebook, All Nerds Part 3: Don’t extinguish my flame For my last and final installment of the AllFacebook AllTwitter Social Media conference I will give a few snarky “guydlines” to the professionals on the panels. They need all the help they can get to try and keep these people attending the conference awake! I know this was a long-winded blog post series but these points needed to be made and I needed to make them! Come on? You know what I am talking about. I am totally OCD, ADD and forgot what the first post was about by now… Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, ALL Nerds Part 2 – Billy Idol should host the next one

Here is the second installment for “guydlines” to the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Social Media Conference in San Francisco (first part here).….come on, if you are going to attend a social media conference and drop the dough (or have your boss drop the cash)  at least make it worth your while or pretend to be interested or just ACT like your interested. I mean you had to get dressed and go to the conference – don’t make it a wasted good makeup or great hair day.  Do something people – look alive. Tweeting incessantly during a lecture about Twitter is probably… Continue Reading

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Twitter Follower Appreciation pt. 2 : 5,000!

Twitter Birds

OK kids, as promised it’s time to throw a bone to the best friends a blog could ask for — our snarky Twitter followers!  Last month we put together a little thank you once we reached the 3,000 benchmark.  This time, you’ve stepped it up a notch with your love & loyalty, so we’ll reciprocate.  In 2013, so it’s only polite to throw heaps of praise at individuals we’ll never meet.  Did I develop crushes on some of you while I scoured your accounts for funny tweets? It’s possible…. Without further ado, our Melany’s Guydlines Twitter showcase, round 2. Five… Continue Reading

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Snarky thank you to you snarky bitches!

Well, I made it through another birthday celebration with only 1 more wrinkle, right? Life has been a crazy roller coaster ride and I am not sure which out of my 9 lives I am on, but they are getting more entertaining each and every day. Thank you again for all the love and snarky support for my blog! You all rock! I know that I have a lot of pics of Mel G on here so I thought I would invite you to see some actual photos of my friends and moi. Oh, and some kick ass shoes too…. Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, ALL Nerds Part 1 – #nerdsdoitbetter or not?

Not paying attention at the conference.

I decided to take a break from LALA land to attend the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Marketing conference in the land of people who make too much money and feel extremely entitled (a.k.a. I would never touch them with a 10 foot pole because I am not attracted to nerds who are assholes because they were so nerdy when they were young and have to overcompensate now that they have money) or the social media community. After spending almost a week in San Francisco I did not conclude that in fact #nerdsdoitbetter. They just don’t. I thought I should give you… Continue Reading

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IT’S MELANYSGUYDLINES AND MY BIRTHDAY WEEK SNARKY BITCHES!

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND WE ARE CELEBRATING ONE YEAR FOR MELANYSGUYDLINES.COM!! I CANT BELIEVE HOW FAR WE HAVE COME IN A SHORT YEAR. IT HAS BEEN A LOT OF HARD WORK, SWEAT, TEARS, LAUGHTER, AND SOME OTHER (@!@#$#$%) WORDS! “What a Long Strange Trip It Has Been”  – ain’t that the truth? But only SNARKY bitches get an entire birthday WEEK!   Hope you have taken away a few good “guydlines” for your life that make you laugh! They have helped me digest this crazy life that CHOSE me. It keeps getting weirder every day and I never have a… Continue Reading

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Stay off my online profile MOM

moms embarassing

I wanted to write something about dating but again, my dating life is slightly boring and totally protected at this point in time. There are a few people I promised I would never write about (unless they did something so ridiculous that it would make it on the “guydlines”) so, unfortunately (for you and not me) there is no fantastic new entry into the hall of shame. Don’t worry; I am sure it won’t be that way for long knowing my amazingly unlucky, luck. However, I have a mother that likes to pry into my business in every which way… Continue Reading

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A Salute to Our Favorite Twitter Followers!

Tonight, Melany’s Guydlines (@melanyb12) will hit 3,000 followers, and we here at the office are shamelessly proud.  What’s better than having scores of hilarious “friends” to bolster your internet notoriety?  It’s 2013 man, if you don’t have an online posse, you’re a nobody. Seriously though, we’ve been lucky enough to read some funny shit thanks to some snarky virtual companions.  From this point forward we’re going to make a habit of throwing some of our favorite twitter accounts a bone to show our appreciation for your follow. Five Followers That Crack Us Up @chucklesdowner Take your old rickety tweet from… Continue Reading

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Spoof on Hot Guy Marketing Trend- Meet Josh Button

Before you embark on your long Memorial Day weekend festivities, I wanted to leave you with a big smile on your face and I know exactly how to do that! This may be my favorite request so far and I could not turn down this opportunity. I am single (still)! Here you go….. Introducing, Josh Button – model, spicy food addict, dog lover, and a HOT GUY. I’m sure you’ve noticed all of the companies using hot guys to market to women, even when their products don’t seem to require a hot guy.  DIET Dr Pepper’s new spot, “Josh Button,”… Continue Reading

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Relationships, matchmakers, babies and aliens?

Matchmaker make me a match!

I just can’t get on top of my work but am so excited to be presented with a lot of snarky opportunities that I will be able to share like my upcoming interview with a top Matchmaker for VIP and celebrity clients. Her name is Sherri Murphy and her Elite agency matched up the infamous Latoya Jackson on the OWN network (heard of Oprah before?).  I am a little leery of matchmakers. You remember my experience with a matchmaker and how I was set up with a guy who played for the other team? Hope Sherri does a better job… Continue Reading

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