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relationships

Relationships, matchmakers, babies and aliens?

Matchmaker make me a match!

I just can’t get on top of my work but am so excited to be presented with a lot of snarky opportunities that I will be able to share like my upcoming interview with a top Matchmaker for VIP and celebrity clients. Her name is Sherri Murphy and her Elite agency matched up the infamous Latoya Jackson on the OWN network (heard of Oprah before?).  I am a little leery of matchmakers. You remember my experience with a matchmaker and how I was set up with a guy who played for the other team? Hope Sherri does a better job… Continue Reading

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Beware of the “Frienemy”

“Frienemy”. Do you know what that is? Unfortunately, I am sure you do. It is an epidemic in society and has been running rampant for many years. My mother, sister, and I have dealt with it for as long as we can remember and it has probably run in your family as well (if it hasn’t then you are probably THE FRIENEMY and you suck and are dumb so you better take notes). This disease has been infecting poor, sheep-like individuals for so long that Wikipedia has the word in its glossary. That is sad. “Frenemy” (alternately spelled “frienemy”) is… Continue Reading

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Proud to be chosen as the Why Not Girl of the Week! – yours truly

A fellow Arizona alumnus has chosen me to be the Why Not Girl of the week on her blog, Why Not Girl! The premise behind the blog is to feature and embrace women who take chances and follow their dreams. I think there is a special message here to any woman choosing to try something new in their lives. It may be taking a new class, moving cities or in my case, starting my own business. Life is about risks and taking chances and we need to embrace change and move forward! Thanks Lauren for choosing me for this week’s… Continue Reading

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I am dating my blog

Be nice or I will blog about you!

There are people who blog like scrapbooking and people who are working their ass off to TRY and make a living doing it. I never knew that you could make a living from blogging and started with Melanysguydlines.com as a creative and cathartic outlet. But, I really needed a job and guys, I have to make a living and Teddy is hungry. It is not as easy as you think. People ask me what I am doing and trust me – I am working 19+ hour days. I wake up to Melanysguydlines at 5:30 AM, we eat breakfast, shower, shit,… Continue Reading

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The Guidelines For a #Guydline

Guydlines for life.

What happens when you combine a tablespoon of snark, a dash of cynicism and heaps of truth?  You get a delicious little nugget of credence called the “Guydline”. Guydlines are theories rooted deeply in life’s greatest successes and failures.  They’re words to live by, wisdom to share, and if you can find a cool font or latin translation– perhaps something to permanently tattoo on your body. As my father would say, “Big hat, no cattle” or in other words “when they say they are, they are not” (and consider it a friendly warning to ALL of you not be taken… Continue Reading

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Don’t take a chance on dating reunion tours

not with my ex anymore

  After a quick look through the latest posts it is depressingly obvious that my dating life is non-existent due to the lack of material posted recently. I can’t remember the last time I was actually asked out. I get a lot of  “aren’t you worried that no one will ask you out because of your blog” and requests from guys from my past asking to meet for lunch but no follow up. I just don’t understand men today. Even if we are to become friends, shouldn’t you still follow up after the initial email? Are you all really scared… Continue Reading

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Oops I did it again…via text

Drunk dialing is never a good thing for dating or in any situation, no exceptions. I’m still waiting for some 15-year old computer super genius to create the “Breathalyzer app” that only allows me (and the rest of the 20 something population) the privilege of operating my iPhone only if I blow within the legal limit.  I am a firm believer that if I cannot legally drive a car, I should not be legally allowed to call or text anyone. While a late night drive-through or the DiGiorno in my freezer usually consumes my thoughts as my friends and I… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines.com Team: Snarky true life experts

Snarky team of melanysguydlines.com

Yesterday, the Melanysguydlines.com team met for the fist time at the Roosevelt Hotel Pool in Hollywood for a windy and long lunch (with beer and grey goose sodas). I am so proud of what has been accomplished here in under a year! This process has been hard work but I am starting to see it pay off! I hope that you have enjoyed my journey thus far and continue to laugh with us about the stupidity of people, craziness of life, chaos of dating and navigating this totally trippy world with a huge helping of snark. Life is too hard… Continue Reading

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Matt’s Guydlines : Dating Dos and Don’ts From Someone Who Shouldn’t Date

It’s Sunday night and I’m caught in a deep internet rabbit hole.  You know, the kind of night where you spend two hours recollecting the demise of Pauly Shore or scaring yourself into believing that Andrew W.K. is the antichrist.  This time, it’s a much darker and more shameful place — checking up on ex-girlfriends on various forms of social media. This one has a new dog.  This one has a new….HUSBAND!?  I’m happy to see everyone’s moved on here…(Seriously Matt, it was junior year of high school.  Did you think she was going to propose to you sometime soon?)… Continue Reading

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Hall of Shame-Dating Story #1

Hall of shame dating story #1

A little follow up to my last post about Valentines Day possibly being the worst dating holiday of the year (promise not to discuss this for another year). Of course, me being ME – I did receive a weird pre-Valentine message from some dumb guy that would not stop texting me from the moment I (accidently) gave him my number (months ago). (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Money Date in Vegas – Valentines Day

Here is a little piece I wrote for Travelvegas.com. Now, these are what I call great Valentines Dates! HELLO – YOU! Are you ready to be my Valentine this year? Come on! I don’t always bite (only unless you ask). These dates will get you where you want to go. Trust me and take notes! I am accepting applications now. GO! (Hopefully it will not take me that long to get a GREAT date). (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Super Bowl XLVII-Die Hards v. Bandwagon fans

Yeah! My 49ers are in the Super Bowl. I am very excited – but, for REAL. I was born and raised a San Francisco 49er fan and cheer them on win, lose, or draw. I have never been a fair-weather fan. Actually, I am not fond of bandwagon jumpers, period.  Sure, it sucked standing outside last year in a full body sized, clear, condom, doubling as a rain parka with ripped pockets allowing the pouring rain in and soaking (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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