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“Welcome to the Jungle”-which one?

After successfully arriving in Arizona for a much-deserved vacay with Teddy Brewski, I feel compelled to write another post about long distance driving trips and the people who inhabit the armpit towns along the way since my last post on this topic was so controversial to some of my readers. This post is especially aimed at the citizens residing in the desert towns between Los Angeles and Phoenix. What in the hell is going on in these places that people look as if they have never seen a mirror in their entire lives? Every time I enter these truck stops… Continue Reading

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Online Dating: What Not To Do (Again & Again)

You all know that I have a plethora of online dating nightmare stories and it has not stopped but I have limited my reporting on such ridiculousness because it is depressing quite frankly. This one – I need to get off my chest. Please don’t make these mistakes while online dating or you will end up in the online dating nightmare category, which I should create on this here blog. The following are texts messages from a potential suitor from Sept 22, 2013 – Oct. 10, 2013 that went unanswered by me (I did answer the first week  but he… Continue Reading

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Get Seriously Friendly: Say Hello & Grab Yourself a Date

hello oral care products to get a date

  It is Rocktober people and I want to encourage you to get back into the dating game this fall. If you are a little rusty let me offer you a “guydline” so that you can break the ice and not look like you are trying too hard. If batting your eyelashes, sticking out your chest, and giving a come hither stare does not work in getting you potential date’s attention then I suggest a few things. Pick a body part that you like and compliment his (get out the gutter ladies) eyes. Tell them they are as blue as… Continue Reading

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Not a Certified Relationship Expert: Going Certifiably Insane Dating!

Not a Certified Relationship Expert: Going Certifiably Insane Dating!

Since I started writing this blog, many people ask me so many questions regarding relationships, dating and online dating. I never said I was a certified expert in dating or relationships but I have a hell of a lot of experience in this arena (unfortunately)! I have dated every idiot from the top to the bottom of California (a little in Arizona, Washington, Texas, Florida and New York but who is keeping track?) and am looking for someone to save me from the horrible dating party and online dating predicament I am in! I am not a certified relationship expert… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines on YouTube – Snarky, Golden Nuggets of Twitter

Melanysguydline You tube

Hello people! So, I always said that I would never be in front of the camera. Well, I lied. I will admit it when I do. If I can’t criticize and make fun of myself then I should not be writing this snarky blog. Should I? I admit that my dating mishaps and relationship blunders are a good reason that I was given this outlet to spout, so why not put a face and voice to my golden nuggets of “guydlines” for you? Right? Welcome to the Melanysguydlines snarky world of YouTube. I am excited to show you this first try… Continue Reading

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Funny Dating Advice: Tips From The Blogging Trenches

blogging isnt easy and dating isnt easy

Blogging is a lot like a relationship. There are many things to learn and it does not come easy. (Maybe I need to listen to my funny dating advice and learn from my own relationship tips-just a thought?) Anyway, blogging doesn’t just consist of writing alone just like dating does not consist of going out to dinner with no desert. Blogging and social media are very special relationships. Each blog and social medium has unique characteristics, which make him or her one of a kind and special. Special, like the way you are supposed make your date feel. Not all… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines joins the Kardashians & Tom Brady on the Lango App!

melanysguydlines on Lango

What do Kim Kardashian, Breaking Bad, Colin Kaepernick, Tom Brady, and Garfield have in common with Melanysguydlines.com (besides being awesome)? First, let me just say what an honor it is to be part of this amazing list. Second, the Lango App has immortalized us all in animation! I guess success can be measured by the amount of animated icons a person has. It is no longer just enough to have your own doll but the Lango App icons are where it is at and I have my very own pack.     What is Lango? Well, it is an App… Continue Reading

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MG Welcomes An0maly (with a zero) – Social Media Ninja

Hey MG fans! It has been a rough day for me but I am so excited to officially introduce you to the new member of our family. I was looking for a rockstar, social media, ninja and I found him – well, he is actually a rapper, social media, ninja. Seriously! MG fans meet AJ aka “An0maly” with a zero. Don’t get into a word match with him because he will win. I am so impressed with him already – check him out. Here he is in his words….. AJ Faleski is a seasoned wizard/black belt ninja (That’s actually completely… Continue Reading

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How to Party Like a Surfer: Don’t Yell & Leave Your Shoes At Home

Last weekend, I got a sudden urge and decided to pack (way too much and the problem with that, is unpacking sucks) put Teddy Brewski with his friends at day/night camp (I swear he has more friends than I do) and drive down to Huntington Beach for the US Open of Surfing. No one told me that I should not leave LA proper after 2:00PM because it would take me two and a half hours to get to the beach in traffic. But, so what? I am a great DJ and I knew there were clean beaches, sun, and surfers… Continue Reading

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Worst date idea: 4th of July while shoving your face & doing other unattractive things

Happy Fourth of July to all of my Melanysguydlines.com readers! Thank you for your support and being the best readers ever! A few dating tips for you on this day of fireworks and bad eating! Always remember to stay snarky. Here are few reasons why the Fourth of July is not the best idea for a first date! Take these guydlines and trust me- I have experience in the dating arena (unfortunately). 1. Don’t ever use the pick up line “You want to make fireworks with me?” unless it is on Twitter because you can get away with saying anything… Continue Reading

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Snarky thank you to you snarky bitches!

Well, I made it through another birthday celebration with only 1 more wrinkle, right? Life has been a crazy roller coaster ride and I am not sure which out of my 9 lives I am on, but they are getting more entertaining each and every day. Thank you again for all the love and snarky support for my blog! You all rock! I know that I have a lot of pics of Mel G on here so I thought I would invite you to see some actual photos of my friends and moi. Oh, and some kick ass shoes too…. Continue Reading

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Stay off my online profile MOM

moms embarassing

I wanted to write something about dating but again, my dating life is slightly boring and totally protected at this point in time. There are a few people I promised I would never write about (unless they did something so ridiculous that it would make it on the “guydlines”) so, unfortunately (for you and not me) there is no fantastic new entry into the hall of shame. Don’t worry; I am sure it won’t be that way for long knowing my amazingly unlucky, luck. However, I have a mother that likes to pry into my business in every which way… Continue Reading

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