……over and over?
“I don’t get it”. I think I say that phrase more than any other phrase besides “I am tired”. Seriously, I am traveling through this world wondering why so many parents have dropped their children on their heads, more than once with, all the stupid shit I observe people doing on an hourly basis. They should provide gloves laced with glue for prevention of parental dropping of children once your babies are handed over from the Doctor. Why don’t people need to have licenses to have children? This is a great question.
I just don’t get it. Some other things I don’t get in the last 2 hours of awaking are:
Why when walking my dog would a man have one dog on the leash and one dog off? Then when I (as a responsible dog owner) approach him to ask if he is friendly and he replies, the one on the leash is friendly but the one charging my dog and me, ferociously with drool dripping from his face like Kujo, was not. Grab Teddy and exit stage right?
Why are people flakes? Yet, they tell you over and over and over again that they hate people that flake? I know people that preach up and down they are not flakey but they would give any buttered croissant from France a run for their money.
Why are the lights so unflattering in the dressing rooms at the mall? I don’t care how skinny, thin you are – those lights suck. And, why are they even more unflattering in the dressing rooms for undergarments or bathing suits? Get on that!
Why is it so damn hard to fold that bottom sheet? In this day and age, shouldn’t we have the technological capacity to create a washing machine that automatically folds them for us? That is my idea and I already have it on Kickstarter – so, don’t even try and steal it. I mean it.
Why do people paint their walls every color of the rainbow including black and grey? If I wanted to live in a cave, I would.
Why is there a girl named Ariana Grande “making” music? That girl sounds like she is being tortured by little animals pulling every single strand of her fake hair on her 10 year old boy body in clothes more suited to give a lap dance. She needs to stop! Plus, I think she could be signaling for help but we would never know because you can’t understand a word from her half-rate Mariah Carey impression which literally results in my skin crawling off my body.
Why does it take so damn long for some people to lose one pound? Why can some people gain 5 lbs just by glancing a piece of cake and others not gain an ounce by devouring a 3000 calorie meal from McDonalds?
Why can’t we bottle happiness and sell it online? I mean you can get everything there besides an automatic sheet folder?
Why can’t we take a pic of a $100 bill with a 3D printer and it be acceptable as currency?
Why is there always one grunter at the gym? Can’t that ape lift his weights without a primal scream?
Why is the same guy stinking up the gym? Do they not sell deodorant at his local Walgreens?
Why is there a “Do Not Call Registry” yet I get a million calls that I did not want and was the reason why I listed myself on the directory in the first place?
Why are there directions on the garbage cans for dogs poop? If you can’t figure out how to use one you should not have a dog or anything on a leash.
Why was Murphy such an asshole that they named a law after him and the bullshit he pulls every day? Like when trying to paint my toes with pink polish and of course the drops get the bathtub, sink, carpet, my clothes but no where near my nails? One wasn’t enough Murph?
Why when you get one thing fixed, two others break? Like, I have a compressor that went bad in an AC unit and the sink decided to leak at the same time? Are these inanimate objects just assholes conspiring against us?
Why do people come out of nowhere and expect me to do things for them for free when I haven’t seen, spoken, or inhaled oxygen in the same 10mile radius as them in over 10 years?
Why is it OK for him or her to do it but never OK for me? (This applies to everyone all the time).
Why are people so dumb?
Why do I have to clean my place before and after the cleaning lady comes? Isn’t that what she is coming to do?
Why does cheese grow mold after a few weeks in the fridge yet it has been aged forever before you buy it?
Why did I just realize I have already written a post called why?
**Stay snarky my friends!**