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Relationships

Will you go out with me (text or Facebook)?

By on November 13, 2012 in Relationships

It is that time of the week where I am compelled to sit down and write something funny but not too offensive because I would not want to alienate my people (trust me, some of the people I know I can DEFINITELY live without). My brain is tired from catching up last week. I did not go out or do anything exciting but still feel like a truck hit me. It could be the “annoyingness” of some of my “so called” friends that flit in and out of my life or the extreme magnetic force running through my body that… Continue Reading

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Bachelor Auction – cash or check?

By on October 23, 2012 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

I woke up this morning with the weirdest memory of the night before, or was it a nightmare? I think back on the night and wonder where the hell was I? It resembled some kind of circus with animal-like creatures but I know the circus is not in LA right now. Was it a real or just a dream? It was real and I am still frightened! It was a Bachelor Charity Auction in Beverly Hills, CA and the people watching were too much for my ADD medicine to control. At least I got a great dating story out of… Continue Reading

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“Coprophagia” – Guydline from the working world

By on August 28, 2012 in Relationships

I try not to blog about dating all the time, but there are so many ridiculously crazy men in this world (it is hard not to tie it back in and tell my crazy dating stories). So, another relationship bites the dust. I don’t know what happened.  The excessive calling, texting, and emails sent and suddenly, nothing. Not even a peep! What this time? (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Words of wisdom regarding e-masculating men…..

By on August 14, 2012 in Relationships

“And God promised men That good and obedient wives would be Found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round….and laughed and laughed and laughed…” …….and I laughed, and laughed and laughed because I have come to the conclusion that the more men I date, the more “de-masculinized” (not a word, but should be) they are and that in fact I am not the one that is emasculating them, they are taking care of that all on their own. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Matchmaker, Matchmaker – No more nightmare dates!

By on July 16, 2012 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, make me a match, and don’t make him a snatch. Please don’t show me a picture of a man wearing a black top hot, holding a cane (and try to convince me that he is cute-when it is not) or ask me if I would go on a date with the FATHER of a guy I did not want to date because HE looked too old for me (so of course his FATHER is WAY too old for me, OBVIOUSLY). I don’t want to date a man who weighs more than “Free Willy”, and… Continue Reading

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Internet Dating – Some Do’s and Dont’s

By on July 11, 2012 in Relationships

One day, I was working in my living room and all of a sudden hear a man’s voice saying “hello,” which was so scary considering I live alone. I look around and slowly move down the hall to my kitchen and say “hello” in a very timid, little voice. I hear “hello” again and get really scared. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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“Tannest” Party – Beginning New Relationships and Crazy Friendships

By on June 29, 2012 in Relationships

Attending the University of Arizona for college provided me with a lot of (great looking, TAN) friends and CRAZY (legendary) stories for my blog. One of my favorite funny true stories occurred during Freshman orientation.. I was just 18 years old, but the events that transpired during this weekend introduced me to THE (BEST PARTY) school and gave me a preview to my lifetime of unbelievable (somewhat incriminating) experiences with some truly AMAZING party people! (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Dating – The laws for a guide to a perfect relationship!

By on June 25, 2012 in Relationships

So, now that I have lost yet another Facebook Friend, (I am sure it is one of the John’s on my friend list or probably his sister) I am going to share another funny dating story that will not insult anyone (hopefully). I know that I had one police officer as a friend (but I think he is in jail) and does not count anymore (right?). Of course, I dated this guy for a split second until I noticed that he constantly referred to himself in the third person. He was a struggling actor (waiter) in LA and had “the… Continue Reading

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Dear John – The relationship “letter” for my ex-boyfriend

By on June 22, 2012 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

It pains me to tell you, John (if that is even your name) but I must move on without you in my life. I want to thank you for having a complete mental breakdown in my apartment (because it alerted me that you need some professional help and the need for this letter). I just texted you my therapist’s name and number and he will be expecting your call. He DEFINITELY knows who you are and that I referred you (I get $100 off for every person I refer, so I am getting free therapy for at least the next… Continue Reading

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