Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, make me a match, and don’t make him a snatch. Please don’t show me a picture of a man wearing a black top hot, holding a cane (and try to convince me that he is cute-when it is not) or ask me if I would go on a date with the FATHER of a guy I did not want to date because HE looked too old for me (so of course his FATHER is WAY too old for me, OBVIOUSLY). I don’t want to date a man who weighs more than “Free Willy”, and… Continue Reading
One day, I was working in my living room and all of a sudden hear a man’s voice saying “hello,” which was so scary considering I live alone. I look around and slowly move down the hall to my kitchen and say “hello” in a very timid, little voice. I hear “hello” again and get really scared. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**
Workout #1 complete following successful Bday celebrations (a.k.a. celebrations lasted way too long and was part of the process of taking years off my life). (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**
Attending the University of Arizona for college provided me with a lot of (great looking, TAN) friends and CRAZY (legendary) stories for my blog. One of my favorite funny true stories occurred during Freshman orientation.. I was just 18 years old, but the events that transpired during this weekend introduced me to THE (BEST PARTY) school and gave me a preview to my lifetime of unbelievable (somewhat incriminating) experiences with some truly AMAZING party people! (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**
So, many of you are probably wondering when my relationship with drama began? It loves me and I guess I love it (maybe that is why I am still single?) Lets take it WAY back? What do you think? (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**
So, now that I have lost yet another Facebook Friend, (I am sure it is one of the John’s on my friend list or probably his sister) I am going to share another funny dating story that will not insult anyone (hopefully). I know that I had one police officer as a friend (but I think he is in jail) and does not count anymore (right?). Of course, I dated this guy for a split second until I noticed that he constantly referred to himself in the third person. He was a struggling actor (waiter) in LA and had “the… Continue Reading
It pains me to tell you, John (if that is even your name) but I must move on without you in my life. I want to thank you for having a complete mental breakdown in my apartment (because it alerted me that you need some professional help and the need for this letter). I just texted you my therapist’s name and number and he will be expecting your call. He DEFINITELY knows who you are and that I referred you (I get $100 off for every person I refer, so I am getting free therapy for at least the next… Continue Reading
Dear John, This funny dating story is entertaining to me because I just ran into ex-boyfriend #2 from last year after not seeing, hearing, or receiving smoke signals of his existence for almost a year! For ex-boyfriend #2 , we will call him John. I think that protects him enough. I mean come on John, and when I saw him he was running so fast that he was probably being chased by the police, another girl, huge man from the Castro named Fifi who wanted his money back or by someone else he sold his pretend life story too. So, he… Continue Reading
There is one person I did not hear from this Birthday, my ex-boyfriend (he must have missed my last few blog entries). I wasn’t expecting to hear from him, but it is always interesting who crawls out of the woodwork on days like Birthdays. But, I did run into last year’s ex-boyfriend #2 and that funny blog story will follow after ex-boyfriend # 1. It begins a bit like a bad joke. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**
Hello! Is this thing on? As most of you know, I have been celebrating my Birthday week! Yes, I celebrate for a week because that is how long it took my parents to decide whether they were going to keep or trade me in for another baby (just kidding)! I was the devil’s spawn, an absolutely horrific baby. Can you imagine? I am the easiest person to get along with all the time, right? Anyway, in all of my preparation for this joyous occasion, I broke the first rule of blogging (according to the bloggers bible; Blogging for Idiots) and… Continue Reading
Yes! I woke up this morning and saw that my Facebook “friend” list was only at 1,069 people. I lost someone. Maybe it was “bad fashion“. I think it was. But didn’t she run away? Anyway, life goes on with one less Facebook “friend”. I will miss her and her 5 other personalities. I have spent all day thinking about how I can get one more friend to make up her spot. I feel such a sense of urgency to “make” a new friend! They are not the biggest shoes to fill with the only requirements being “bad fashion”, crazy,… Continue Reading
Everyone always tells me to write a book, so this is the closest thing to it. I have been around the block once or twenty times in relationships, friendships, working in the music business and dealing with absolute morons in my daily life. So here goes….. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**
