So, many of you are probably wondering when my relationship with drama began? It loves me and I guess I love it (maybe that is why I am still single?) Lets take it WAY back? What do you think?
By the time I hit high school, I had my fair share of drama filled stories. Of course, I need to preface this funny true story with the fact that I grew up in a small town in the Bay Area – Belmont (a.k.a. Boremont). Being from the Bay, we were VERY close to Humboldt County. Humboldt County is known for just 1 thing (and no, it is not the type of skunk that is black, white, and furry running around spraying you if you get in its way). Skunk was everywhere for us (sorry mom)! One fateful night, a bunch of us were partying at a house, drinking, and smoking. In the front of this little house was a large, waist-high, concrete wall where the owner thought it would be a good idea to place his collection of large, cinder blocks (maybe the owners were friends with the skunks too?) So, a group of us were sitting around the front of this house and there was just no more room for any more people to sit. This guy named, “Chopper” decided to boost himself up on the wall to sit down. Now, “Chopper” was a duo –one part of a twin set (with a girl who was at the same party). As he boosts himself up on the wall to sit down, one of the cinder blocks falls onto his sister’s hand (who is reclining on the ground below). At first, she does not react (maybe the skunk got in the way) until a pool of blood surrounds her hand. It was EVERYWHERE! Everyone was a bit delayed in their reactions (that skunk again??), including the twins! Then, chaos breaks out! People are screaming and yelling and this girl is sitting in horror as she looks at her mangled hand and then notices she lost something! A FINGER!!!! What? Not only was her finger completely gone, but, one of her four remaining fingers was severed so badly that it was barely hanging by a string.
Everyone at the party was running around as if we were in a scene from one of those cheesy, scary, teen movies. My friend and I go into survival mode. This was SERIOUS! We searched all over for this finger. Then we see it standing straight up (like it was flipping us off) in a row of bushes in front of the house. I grab a piece of plastic and pick up the nub. I YELL (like I am on CSI and we need this finger to proceed in the most important police investigation EVER) “I need ice!!!!!!” So, my friend grabs ice and we place the finger into a cup to preserve it. The only cup we can find is decorated with little care bears. It was purple and pink but it totally needed to work to save this finger! (Note to self – you only preserve ORGANS in ice, not limbs!) This finger was not just any finger, it was her RING finger and my contribution to the most important CSI investigation in Boremont history.
One of our friends rushes the RING-finger-less girl in his beat up Volkswagen bug for a quick get away to the hospital! They take off as fast as that put-put will go. But, they forgot her finger!!!!!! So, we place the care-bear cup o’ice and finger into ANOTHER car and that car speeds off after RING-finger-less twin. Only problem with my impeccable CSI plan was that the FINGER went to the WRONG hospital!! Her RING finger was at a hospital DOWN the street and the RING-fingerless-girl was at the hospital UP the street! Poor girl! This (unfortunate) delay and skunk influenced mistake made it difficult for the doctors to attach the finger back to her hand. She was given a prosthetic finger that (continuously) fell off. But, at least the prosthetic looked better than the other mangled finger still attached to her hand. But, I am happy to report that this girl is married and she wears her ring on the other hand, so when her prosthetic falls off she does not have to worry about losing her ring. This experience obviously taught me a lot and was quite traumatic at the time.
A few years later while attending college at the University of Arizona, I dated a guy who decided that he wants to give me something special during a night of drinking for Taco Tuesday celebrations (so romantic?) He has me follow him as he stumbles outside our favorite bar (another winner) and searches around his trunk like he is looking for his most important, worldly possession. After throwing around empty beer bottles, a blanket, lamp and other junk in the trunk of his beat up black BMW, he finds a little black box. In all his glory, he decides to throw me the box (did not even open it up for me) and asks if I will be his girl. He begins to tell me that it is NOT an engagement ring (could have fooled me by the diamonds in the setting and the fact it was fitted for my ring finger) but that he wants me to wear it so that everyone knows I am his girl! I think about the wonderful times we had (for the last MONTH) and decide that I should watch my ring finger because you can never be to careful. So, I place this very important sparkler on my necklace (around my neck) and go back in the bar to grab my Grey Goose cranberry. Upon re-entering the bar, my friends ask what is around my neck and I tell them it is just a ring on a necklace (not my ring finger). At least I know I made the right decision because years later this ex has been to jail 5 times, has an aggravated DUI on his record, and no longer has a driver’s license to operate that beat up black BMW. (I wonder where he hides that little black box now??)
Today, my ring finger is indeed attached to my hand and still available…….
Melany’s Guydline # 8 – Watch where you put your ring finger!
**Stay snarky my friends!**