New Years Resolutions Are Lame: Snarky Guydlines Are Forever 2019

New Years Resolutions Are Lame: Snarky Guydlines Are Forever 2019

As I sit here on the eve of 2019, I take time to review my past New Years Eve posts full “guydlines-isms” and it is not surprising that I agree with 100% of what I have had to say in the past. I told you many times I am smarter than I look. Right? This year is no different.  It is time for us to ring in another year and I am very excited and optimistic for 2019 because it has to be better than 2018 and hope that I don’t repeat mistakes of the past. Like I always say, I don’t regret anything. Life is a learning experience and mine has been one crazy and super long semester.

I want to say thank you for giving me the opportunity to make you laugh with and my social media channels. This blog was created as a result of some of the hardest moments in my life but has served well as MY cathartic outlet. These past few years, I have not been able to sit down and write but promise to try and make writing an integral part of my day-for me. I need it. It is like a workout for my mind and I always feel so much better after tapping these keys super hard at the crack of dawn. Hello 5AM! You are my favorite writing hour. Coffee please.

“My tag line is that I have lived 9 lives, and I truly have. I have been blessed with loving and supportive parents and for that I am most thankful. Each of us have our own struggles and obstacles to overcome. I have not lived in your shoes nor have you lived in mine. Life is hard; no one said it would be easy. My family has been thrown more than our share of curveballs but we are fighters and persevere in the face of others who may have wronged us along the way. Another year, more challenging times ahead but I try to look at everything with a smile or I would not be able to keep strong. Put a damn smile on your face. It is the best accessory and not over priced. I checked.”

 – AMEN to this! Couldn’t have said it better myself.


I have been told that I have a way with words so here are (more than a) couple parting “melanysguydlines” for the end of 2018 (use these for reading my blog and life in general!) Words of wisdom created and learned from one of the most amazing people I ever knew. KISSEZZ.

1. You may not like my stories, but I probably don’t like you.

2. You say I’m A Bitch, like it’s a Bad Thing?

3. Love and cherish your parents! They are not as good as mine, but they are the only set you have. They are your only TRUE friends. Truly.

4. Chill out and get over yourself before you read what I have to say.

5. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

6. If you can’t handle the truth, it means you can’t speak the truth.

7. If you can’t handle it, don’t read it.

8. I wouldn’t dare talk about you behind your back. I will tell it right to your face or better yet, post it here.

9. Good rock n’ roll is MANDATORY for happiness.

10. Jealousy is not a good color on anyone.

11. Supporting people will not lessen your success.

12. Stop the bullshit! Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me who you really are.

13. The toes you step on today may be attached to the ass you will have to kiss tomorrow. TRUTH!

14. Don’t waste your time on people that don’t invest time in you.

15. Don’t get mad. It’s not worth it.

16. Forgive but don’t forget.

17. Take the time to smell those roses. Don’t just smell them in a vase. Get outside and enjoy the fresh air and then smell the roses. Smell all of the roses daily. Or in my case, the green grass on the golf course! FORE!

18. Ask. The worse someone can say is “no”.

19. Try new things. You might suck at them but at least you will have a funny story and maybe even a picture for Instagram.

20. It is OK to say NO!

21. Don’t regret anything. Life is a learning experience.

22. Talk is cheap.

23. Don’t expect people to be like me or work like me. They do not.

24. Actions speak way louder than words.

25. Take Uber! Always.

26. Don’t over pack for trips because that shit sucks to unpack and repack and unpack again.

27. Impress upon others that they should not mistake my kindness for weakness.

28. Dump or recycle excess baggage and users. You can always pick a hanger-on if you need someone for one night to make an entrance. This goes for friends, frienemies, dates and bags (douchebags too). **PS-Don’t flake on me in the 23rd hour. I will remember.

29. Do toot your own horn. If you don’t who is going to?

30. Be like a duck and let the water roll off your back. Also, start using more old phrases that still pertain to life today. QUACK?

31. Don’t hate haters. Haters hate but they keep me so motivated. I hope they can see what I am doing!

32. Listen to my brain and not my heart. My heart is dumb sometimes. My brain is not.

33. People love free shit and I love giving it away.

34. If my phone does not ring or there are no immediate plans in my future – travel out of town. Murphy’s Law: that is when it rings.

35. If someone wants to make the time for you, they will. No one is ever too busy – and that goes for me! I am never too bust to spend time with the people I care about. Priorities.

35. Keep your eyes open wide all the time and take notes.

36. It is better sometimes to just sit back and listen.

37. Don’t give away the farm for free. 

38. Turn that shit up louder!

39. If you can’t dance….just move to the back of the room.  Know what you know and know what don’t know.

40. Stop a list after #12. It is a good luck number and a logical place to stop because sadly, people don’t read anymore.

Melanysguydline #2019 – New Year’s Resolutions are lame. We are all a work in progress and should live like we want to be better everyday. With this I bid farewell to 2018. Been another interesting year but feeling excited for what this next year shall bring. Bring it on 2019!! I hope that you ALL (well, there are a few I don’t care about) have an amazing, healthy, prosperous, and 2019 full of laughter, joy, and fun.

Be good to one another.



XOXO Me and Teddy B

**Stay snarky my friends!**

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4 Responses to New Years Resolutions Are Lame: Snarky Guydlines Are Forever 2019

  1. Rochelle December 31, 2018 at 12:46 pm #

    Oh Melany, how I miss you Melany’isms. I know not many people read anymore but they are missing out. Stay true to yourself. When people criticize it’s just that they wish they had said it first. Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Melany December 31, 2018 at 12:48 pm #

      Awww thank you! Miss you too! Thank you for reading and the comment. Happy new year!

  2. Rob December 31, 2018 at 12:48 pm #

    Excellent post. Great ideas for 2019 especially you may not like my stories but I probably don’t like you.

    • Melany January 7, 2019 at 8:50 am #

      HAHA! Snark on! Happy new year and thanks for reading.

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