As I sit here on the eve of 2018, I take time to review my past New Years Eve posts full “guydlines-isms” and it is not surprising that I agree with 100% of what I have had to say in the past. I told you many times I am smarter than I look. Right? It is time for us to ring in another year and I am very excited and optimistic for 2018 (it may just be because I am cleansing and a little light headed but whatever).
First, I want to say thank you for giving me the opportunity to make you laugh with melanysguydlines.com and my social media channels. This blog was originally created as a result of some of the hardest moments in my life but has served well as MY cathartic outlet. This past year, I have not been able to sit down and write but promise that I have re-prioritized and need to make writing an integral part of my day-for me. Time for me! 2018 is a “Chai” year. It is to life. It is to my life! It is to yours too (well not you or you, but it is for you).
My tag line is that I have lived 9 lives, and I truly have. I have been blessed with loving and supportive parents and for that I am most thankful. Each of us have our own struggles and obstacles to overcome. I have not lived in your shoes nor have you lived in mine. Life is hard; no one said it would be easy. My family has been thrown more than our share of curveballs but we are fighters and persevere in the face of others who may have wronged us along the way. Another year, more challenging times ahead but I try to look at everything with a smile or I would not be able to keep strong. Put a damn smile on your face. It is the best accessory and not over priced. I checked.
I have been told that I have a way with words so here are (more than a) couple parting “melanysguydlines” for the end of 2017 (use these for reading my blog and life in general!) Words of wisdom created and learned from one of the most amazing people I ever knew. KISSEZZ.
1. You may not like my stories, but I probably don’t like you.
2. You say I’m A Bitch, like it’s a Bad Thing? Is it? Am I?
3. Love and cherish your parents! They are not as good as mine, but they are the only set you have. They are your only TRUE friends.
4. Chill out and get over yourself before you read what I have to say.
5. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
6. If you can’t handle the truth, it means you can’t speak the truth.
7. If you can’t handle it, don’t read it.
8. I wouldn’t dare talk about you behind your back. I will tell it right to your face or better yet, post on this here blog.
9. Good rock n’ roll is MANDATORY for happiness. (Side note: please do not take anymore of my favorite musicians in 2018!!!)
10. Jealousy is not a good color on anyone.
11. Supporting people will not lessen your success.
12. Stop the bullshit! Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me who you really are.
13. The toes you step on today may be attached to the ass you will have to kiss tomorrow. TRUTH!
14. Don’t waste your time on people that don’t invest time in you.
15. Don’t get mad. It’s not worth it.
16. Forgive but don’t forget.
17. Take the time to smell those roses. Don’t just smell them in a vase. Get outside and enjoy the fresh air and then smell the roses. Smell all of the roses daily.
18. Ask. The worse someone can say is “no”.
19. Try new things. You might suck at them but at least you will have a funny story and maybe even a picture for Instagram.
20. It is OK to say NO!
21. Don’t regret anything. Life is a learning experience.
22. When people ask me why I am still single it is OK to punch them in the nose. Hard.
23. Don’t expect people to be like me or work like me. They do not.
24. Don’t date a model or celebrity that is more interested in looking at themselves more than me.
25. Take Uber! Always.
26. Don’t over pack for trips because that shit sucks to unpack and repack and unpack again.
27. Impress upon others that they should not mistake my kindness for weakness.
28. Dump or recycle my excess baggage and users. I can always pick a hanger-on if I need something for one night to make an entrance. This goes for friends, frienemies, dates and bags (douchebags too). **PS-Don’t flake on me in the 23rd hour. I will remember.
29. Do toot your own horn. If you don’t who is going to?
30. Be like a duck and let the water roll off my back. Also, start using more old phrases that still pertain to life today. QUACK?
31. Don’t hate haters. Haters hate but they keep me so motivated. I hope they can see what I am doing!
32. Listen to my brain and not my heart. My heart is dumb sometimes. My brain is not.
33. People love free shit and I love giving it away.
34. If my phone does not ring or there are no immediate plans in my future – travel out of town. Murphy’s Law: that is when it rings.
35. Stop a list after #12. It is a good luck number and a logical place to stop because sadly, people don’t read anymore.
Melanysguydline #2018 – New Year’s Resolutions are lame. We are all a work in progress and should live like we want to be better everyday. We don’t need an overpriced bottle of champagne and ball to drop to tell us when we should start being rock stars (champagne does make everything better when it is not marked up and served by a guy that looks like Jared Leto). With this I bid farewell to 2017. Been another interesting year but feeling excited for what this next year shall bring. Bring it on 2018!! I hope that you ALL (well, there are a few I don’t care about) have an amazing, healthy, prosperous, and 2018 full of laughter, joy, and fun.
Happy New Year!
Melany Berger & Teddy Brewksi (of course)
**Stay snarky my friends!**