Look Both Ways Before Taking Selfies In Bathrooms

Last week I attended a holiday party and a girl stopped me as I was washing my hands after using the facilities. She asked if I could take a photo of her in the bathroom. We were at the W Hotel in Scottsdale with a plethora of places to capture her impromptu photo shoot in her dress or shirt (wasn’t quite sure which one) but sure the bathroom works. Why not?

So, I took more than a few pictures of her like a seasoned blogger does, holding the phone above my eyes with the mandatory downward angle ensuring maximum flattering skinniness for instagram posts deserving of 1,000’s of likes. She proceeded to move around and give me duck lips, the “ I have to pee” pose and various versions of come hither eyes which would have possibly worked except she was a bit tipsy and was giving me cross eyes instead. I went with it because she was having a blast.

I made sure to get her shoes in every pic and not cut off her head. Earlier that evening, I was captured by some photogs who cut me off at the most inopportune and largest place on my 5’3 frame and nixed my 6 inch, red, sparkle-y shoes from the image. Like any fashionista, I requested a re-do and told them “I don’t wear shoes like this for my health” and politely asked them to make sure that they capture every single last inch in the picture. As we all know, I am vertically challenged and appreciate every single inch from the point of my stiletto stilts I wear concubine-ing my feet to the volume in my hair at the tiptop of my blonde head. All of these details are pre-planned and mandatory to achieve maximum successful images for posting.

I digress…

Back to the girl in the bathroom, ok? I made sure to capture every single inch of her tipsy little ass in the pic and handed her back her phone after taking about 20 shots. She asked how they turned out and I replied, “Great except for next time you might want to close the bathroom stalls so that the porcelain toilets don’t outshine you and make sure you move at least 4 feet away from the tampon dispenser. Byeeeee” and applause rang out for the snark queen as I exited the bathroom.


MelanysGuydlines #??? Make sure to close all bathroom stall doors and step away from personal dispensary machines prior to asking a stranger for a photo shoot.


Look Both Ways Before Taking Selfies In Bathrooms:

Past experience.

It happens to the best of us.

**Stay snarky my friends!**

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6 Responses to Look Both Ways Before Taking Selfies In Bathrooms

  1. Miguel Nolasco December 19, 2017 at 9:42 am #

    Melany, you are the most photogenic person i know, other than my Swedish girlfriend.

    When, i take pictures of her. They are liking taking pictures of a painting. She has 4-5 poses that she loves. And uses over and over.

    In your case, you have many poses. I’ve lost count .
    And You look beautiful in each and everyone.

    Stay beautiful my Good Friend !!!

    Peace out

    • Melany December 20, 2017 at 6:15 am #

      Awww you are so sweet! Thank you so much!

  2. Esther December 19, 2017 at 10:08 am #

    I have had the same experience more than once. I enjoy your writing. It is too bad that you don’t do more of it. You are truly funny

    • Melany December 20, 2017 at 6:14 am #

      HAHA! Thanks! Will try to do more in 2018!!

  3. Bren Lee December 20, 2017 at 12:26 pm #

    LOL Girl! This is too funny! I took some selfies in my own bathroom and that damn toilet was right in the damn pic! Oy vey……………………


    • Melany December 21, 2017 at 9:54 am #

      LOL! Right it always seems to sneak in there! Thanks for reading and the comment! SNARK ON!

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