This one gave me a laugh while writing because you know it is true. If you don’t, then you need to do a little more gambling, a lot more partying and experience Las Vegas with me (a snarky professional) at least one time. Are you up for that challenge? Sure.
I hate packing and unpacking as much as anyone else. But, I need to do it soon as my plane is going to leave with or without my suitcase and all of my unnecessary belongings that somehow creep into my suitcase leaving me with an overweight baggage charge. How does that always happen? Well, I may have the answer in this post. What to pack in a large black container called a suitcase? After “Googling” my closet here is what I came up with. Thought I would share this advice with all of you.
Ladies suitcases MUST include:
Band Aids – You will need them whether it is for blisters walking from casino to casino because you spent your last dollar on the slots and can’t afford a taxi or because you danced the night away at some club with a guy who looked much better in the dark.
Bathing suits –You will need a few options depending on where you are going and where you are going after. For example, little bikini for the pool parties but for the wave pool opt for a one-piece or something more secure that will not fall down. You don’t want to scar little boys for the rest of their lives, do you? If you are into that, I have a therapist’s number for you.
Cover Ups – Bring enough! Be prepared that days turn into nights very easily in Vegas and what you roll out of bed in at 11AM may very well be the same thing you will be eating dinner in at 7PM. The color depends how tan you are. If you look like you rolled in Doritos then choose black. It will lessen the orange glow. If you are pasty white, stay inside. You don’t want to burn and not be able to do anything else for the rest of the trip because your body is so sticky from the pounds of aloe you need to slather yourself in to not feel the excruciating pain of 3rd degree burns from the desert sun.
Flip and Flop –At least one pair. (Bonus for a little lift on the heel – at least 2 inches).
Stillettos – Bring a few though you will only wear one. Your feet will hurt and I promise by the end you will be hobbling around like you just ran across hot coals. You will want the choice.
LuLu Lemons – One pair of “cute” sweats that you will probably wear numerous times throughout your trip. Pack with the goal of actually hitting the gym in these workout pants but odds are not in your favor. (With this goal you should also pack a pair of tennis shoes unless you plan to run on the treadmill in stilletos– I have seen it).
Wife Beater – Not Ed Hardy (it is 2013 people). Points if you have a GSP beater or some other UFC fighter. If you don’t know who GSP is then you should Google him. He is the only man that can pull off white spandex shorts.
Dresses – Bring several (it is not like they take up any room and are the size of my friend’s little brothers baseball jerseys). You want to wear something tight but sometimes your tummy says you should wear something flowy instead. Drinking day and night is not great for the abs. If you need to buy something hit the shops because you know how I feel about girls stuffing themselves into sausage casings they call dresses. It is not a good look and don’t get caught on the other side of my camera. I have Twitter and I know how to use it.
Jeans – Just in case your body looks like you are going to feel after drinking all day. It is not cute. Plus a “Going out top” – something in a V neck and black because lets face it, if you can’t wear your dress then you are probably trying to cover up as much as possible. (Easy on the sequins ladies – I know it is Vegas but let the showgirls rock that stuff).
Guys – I wouldn’t leave you out! Don’t forget to bring:
Board Shorts – get a little creative here please. (No, no, no banana hammocks ever and I don’t care if you are European. That is no excuse).
Shirts with sleeves (please don’t ever wear sleeveless tanks EVER. I don’t care how much you work out. No.
Flip Flops (just for the daytime and leave your socks at home).
Tennis Shoes – I know you went to the gym but please do not wear the socks and shoes you worked out in to the pool. Ok?
Button down shirts – Pick something that matches your eyes. Also, black and white is a must. Make sure these fit. If the material between the buttons have tension or your sleeves don’t reach your wrists – then, YOUR SHIRT IS TOO SMALL!
Slacks and 1 pair of jeans (step it up!) – Bring at least a few pair of real pants just in case you get caught carrying some poor girl home and she decides to lose her lunch on your pants. You can put on a pair of real pants. This is Las Vegas. If your pants don’t hit the top of your shoes – then, YOUR PANTS ARE TOO SMALL! (You can always tell a single man by the sizing of his outfit. If he looks like he is wearing pants from a flood and his sleeves are scared of his wrists then he does not have a lady in his life to tell him that it is time to buy new clothes. So, I am telling you here).
Hat – Please cover up that bed head.
NO FLIP FLOPS AT DINNER OR CLUBS EVER! You will not get in and I don’t care who you think you are and neither do the bouncers.
** Don’t forget your sunglasses! You will need them both day and night depending on how much fun your having.
***Ladies – MAKEUP, makeup and more makeup! But, take a class because the last thing Las Vegas needs is another clown.
**Stay snarky my friends!**