Happy New Year! Welcome 2014! I am so happy that I am not going to be hung-over, broke, waking up next to a goat or hungry from celebrating getting ripped off on New Years Eve (aka amateur hour). Not sure what the fascination is about going out to celebrate a day in the month of a calendar with 365 days? Yes, I realize that I sound like my parents. Cheers to getting another year older, wiser, and a little bit more in love with my couch. Shouldn’t we celebrate everyday? I know some of you reading this may be drunk, broke, hung-over or laying next to a farm animal so I will make this easy for you. (Don’t get me wrong – I love partying but I am waiting to enjoy myself in Vegas in a few days for the entire 7 days).
Last years recap Good Riddance to 2012 was a good post. Actually it was a great post and I am not sure I can top it but I am going to attempt here. Thank God Facebook offers a recap of my greatest moments in 2013 or I would have forgotten them myself. I looked like I had fun, though and it is very appropriate for Facebook to be the friend sharing those moments with me (I only live on Facebook 20 hours a day).
As the Grateful Dead said, “What a long strange trip it’s been” and it has.
My life has taken many unexpected turns, twists and if you would have asked me about blogging a year ago – I knew nothing! This trip to Vegas for the New Media Expo marks my one-year anniversary of being a professional social media person and I love it! It is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. My blog is my husband, child, confidant, and best friend. I can say whatever I want here and you can choose to read or leave! I hope you stay though, because I need to feed Teddy Brewski.
Isn’t it weird when you look back on something years later and it all makes sense? Well, before moving back to Los Angeles, I lived in San Francisco. I spoke with a medium that told me that my sister did not want me to live in SF any longer and that I should go write a book. For some reason, I did not remember this until the other day because a few years ago that statement made no sense but now it does. So, I am happy that my sister is guiding me from above and remains to give me the best advice. Thank you. Miss you everyday and celebrating is NEVER the same without you.
This year I don’t say good riddance (to all of the parts of my life) from 2013 because I kicked some ass in the social media aspect of my job if I do say so myself. And with that I give you the following as I bid adieu to hard work that I am very proud to have done in 2013. Here are a few bonus guydlines for you!
-Don’t regret anything. Life is a learning experience.
-When people ask me why I am still single it is OK to punch them in the nose.
-Don’t expect people to be like me or work like me. They do not.
-Don’t date a model or celebrity that is more interested in looking at them more than me.
-Take Uber! Always.
-Don’t over pack for trips because that shit sucks to unpack and repack and unpack again.
-Never drink alcohol labeled with the words or any variation of “Demon” and “Killer”. If you do, make sure to have Vita Water on hand the next day.
-Impress upon others that they should not mistake my kindness for weakness.
-Dump or recycle my excess baggage and users. I can always pick a hanger-on up if I need something for one night to make an entrance. This goes for friends, frienemies, dates and bags (douchebags too).
-Toot your own horn. If you don’t who is going to?
-Be like a duck and let the water roll off my back. Also, start using more old phrases that still pertain to life today.
-Don’t hate haters. Haters hate but they keep me so motivated. I hope they can see what I am doing!
-Cherish thy mother and thy father. They are your only TRUE friends.
-Listen to my brain and not my heart. My heart is dumb sometimes. My brain is not.
-If I see a user from a mile away, don’t think I am the exception and they won’t use me. Cross the street.
-People love free shit and I love giving it away.
-If my phone does not ring or there are no immediate plans in my future – travel out of town. My phone will ring.
-Dethrone Perez Hilton as the queen of media. Be careful bitch – I am coming after your crown.
Breakdown of Melanysguydlines 2013 by stats (top channels)–
Facebook – 11,029 REAL Likes in 1 year
Twitter – 11,029 REAL Followers in 6 months (& weird that I am at the same number on Facebook and Twitter?)
Linked in – over 600+ connections
YouTube – 3,589 subscribers in 3 months
Melanysguydlines – approx. 30,000 page views a month
And more stats for 2013
1 – Puppy that bit my finger.
2 – Ex boyfriends marrying women who look like men.
3 –Decent dates (decent?).
4 – Number of frienemies breaking up with me via Facebook unfollow (LAME).
5 –Drink it takes to make me blackout with a complete BLANK TAPE.
6 – Number of lbs I lost watching my food intake and eating out of plastic containers.
7 – Number of days and nights I work to make this SHIT happen!
Melanysguydline #60 – New Years Resolutions are lame. We are all a work in progress and should live like we want to be better everyday. We don’t need an overpriced bottle of champagne and ball to drop to tell us when we should start being rock stars (champagne does make everything better when it is not marked up and served by a guy that could be Jared Leto).
**Stay snarky my friends!**