Greatest Hits

19 Things That Make Moving Worse Than It Already Is

By Melany on July 14, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

It is 4:45 AM and I am writing to you from my mass exodus from a place called Cricketville. I have been there and none of you need to go there. Take my word for it. I have experience with creepy crawlies and in the past week I felt them crawling all over. You know? That horrible feeling you have when you can’t decide where to itch first because “something” is crawling ALL OVER YOUR BODY and won’t go away. Not to worry! I have found my salvation in a hotel called the Valley Ho until I can be safely… Continue Reading

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10 Snarky Rules for Dating My Owner: Woofed by Teddy Brewski

By Melany on July 5, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Happy day after the 4th of July aka July 5, 2014. I am writing to you from HOT Arizona and was supposed to be unpacking these past few days but my AC is non operable, neither toilets are working and I had more than enough creepy crawlies in my place that I had to check into a hotel. There is more to this story and is a contender for the Greatest Hits section but I wanted to post something super cute today. While I am in the process of shuffling clothes, shoes and purses from one area code to another,… Continue Reading

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41 Things Before The Alarm Rings

By Melany on June 26, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

I am up but the rest of my body is sleeping. You know when you get up and you should go back to bed but you don’t because you have 41 things on your mind for the day? Yeah – that’s me every day! I never said these things were important to everyone – don’t judge, or do, because we all do. This was written at 6:00AM so here is a little peak into my early morning mind for the day….. 1. Get up before the dog. If Teddy Brewski hears me walking around before 7AM I will never get… Continue Reading

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Dating & Relationships in Hollywood (Hollyweird): So Cliché, But This Is LA

By Melany on June 17, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

People always ask me how I decide what to write in my blog posts. It is sad to say but there is no lack of bad dating or “frienemy” stories of the past, present, (and am sure the future -at the rate I am going). All I really need to do is look in my backyard at this crazy world to start typing away on my laptop. If I could have a podcast recording device attached to my brain of what I really think in daily life navigating the over-packed and even bumpier roads on the way to my office… Continue Reading

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Do-Do’s & Don’ts of Dating: Don’t Pee On My Parade

By Melany on June 3, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Since I did win in the Sex, Dating and Relationships category yesterday I thought I would share with you a funny ditty. Here goes…. You know how bad and non-existent dating is in the city of angels because I have told you over and over again. So, why not import someone? I did just that with my last tour mate. He hailed from the desert and we had known each other for quite sometime so I thought that this could be a real keeper until our last rendez vous ended in disaster somewhere between the Boulevard of Broken Dreams and… Continue Reading

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Same Old Story: Too Much, Too Skinny, Too Dumb, or Too Too

By Melany on May 27, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

Random post. I wonder why every time I wear no makeup – I get hit on? But, if I am dressed to the nines guys seem to duck under tables. It is so weird. Does wearing makeup make me unapproachable? Or do guys just really like to pick up on girls that look young? I mean every time I am sans makeup I get carded. Thank you – this is awesome but I am totally confused by it. I get carded without makeup often (even though I think this is a quasi-creepy attempt for the bouncer to get all my… Continue Reading

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The Snark Tank: Bull’s Eye vs. Bull Sh*t

By Melany on April 8, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

I get asked, “What does a blogger do?” several times a day. It is shocking to me but some people still have the preconceived notion that bloggers are like digital scrap-bookers, sitting in large walk-in closets with laptops and piles of crate paper creating origami birds and posting them on the Internet for their friends and family to feel obligated to look at. Sure, there are foodie bloggers who are physically unable to stick any morsel of food in their mouth without documenting every moment of the experience (just eat it – don’t share unless I can actually taste the… Continue Reading

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16 Things Not To Do At (Any/Social Media) Conference

By Melany on April 2, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

1. Not knowing your competition. Know if anyone is dominating your niche in the market. I am 70% sure there may be someone doing what you think you have created. Can’t you hear Drunk Uncle from SNL saying “I’m prrrrrrrreetttttyyyy suuuuuurrrrrree…..” someone is already doing that? Do your research! 2. Do not wear high heels during the day so you look like a wounded stork walking through the hotel. This will make people notice you but not in a good way and then you can’t attend the rest of the conference and have to call in wounded the second day…. Continue Reading

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16 Things I Pack But Never Wear While Traveling

By Melany on March 25, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

Tomorrow, I leave for San Diego to attend Social Media Marketing World and excited to meet some more people in my field. What I am not looking forward to is packing. I mean let’s be honest – I am living out of a suitcase in my spare bedroom from my last trip. My bathroom products are still in protective double plastic bags in my other sink. I double bag all my products – I am a product whore – we have already established that but each lotion, remover and whatever else l think I am going to need while on… Continue Reading

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18 Things That Make Me Go “Huh?” While In Las Vegas

By Melany on March 15, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

1. The need for women to wear clothes they would never be caught dead in within a 500mile radius of their hometown. Just because you are in Vegas does not mean you need to dress like the hookers waiting for the unsuspecting and recently paid out nerd who just won the $6,000 progressive on his first time in Vegas. Listen buddy, lightening doesn’t strike in the same place twice and your luck is not THAT good. Oh and remember my Miss Piggy post ladies and gents? If you have a friend wearing a sausage casing doubling as a dress –… Continue Reading

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Insomnia: Top 12 Things (NOT) To Do When I Can’t Sleep

By Melany on March 7, 2014 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

Just woke up with a start and was thinking how can I write a blog post at 3:00AM without it sounding weird. Well, that already sounds weird so here is a list of the top things I do when abruptly interrupted from my much needed beauty rest. (Please note all of these are done while tip-toeing as not to wake up my sleeping beauty AKA – Teddy Brewski because once he starts barking, he will NEVER stop. Dogs don’t have internal alarm clocks. We are their clocks). 1. Pee- Don’t you? Usually the reason I wake up in the middle… Continue Reading

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Happy New Year 2014: With or Without Resolutions

By Melany on December 31, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Happy New Year! Welcome 2014! I am so happy that I am not going to be hung-over, broke, waking up next to a goat or hungry from celebrating getting ripped off on New Years Eve (aka amateur hour). Not sure what the fascination is about going out to celebrate a day in the month of a calendar with 365 days? Yes, I realize that I sound like my parents. Cheers to getting another year older, wiser, and a little bit more in love with my couch. Shouldn’t we celebrate everyday? I know some of you reading this may be drunk,… Continue Reading

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