I have learned a few things navigating the dangerous shark infested dating waters along the West Coast and that is make sure you date a guy before, on and after the first of the month to make sure he sticks around for another month. Don’t get too close too fast because you never really know who or what you are dealing with. Just like the infamous “Dear John” who boasted that he created DSL and walked on water when in reality he couldn’t afford a bottle of Evian and slept on his sisters couch.
I am super picky but I have the worst taste in men. You would think that my own snarkiness would make me immune to bullshit but sadly ladies and gentlemen I have fallen victim to the dreaded “Big Hat No Cattle” guy act many times.
Besides Googling your date to make sure you don’t see any felonies, there are a few other tests you can perform (because we all know that if they are good at their craft, they could have a record expunged). Instead of wasting money on background checks, you can utilize these two tools to see if your new guy has a pot to piss in and whether or not you should shit or get off the pot.
After falling victim to this one more time, I have created the “First of the Month Test” to determine if this guy can stand the test of time. No matter how many glamorous dinners or trips the new dating prospect promises you, make sure he weathers the first of the month before packing a suitcase. When are bills due?
On more than one occasion I have dated someone for a few weeks and it goes great. He tells me all the internet businesses he’s acquired, Ferraris he’s driven, women he treated to shows, the foreign places traveled, and the wonderful life he has led. The underlying identifier (which I did not pick up on at first) is that all of these fantastic stories occurred in the past tense, with someone else. Past tense just like he will be. You know this type of guy – I have talked about him before and he exists all over. The scary and sneaky “Guy who drives his rent” aka “$30,000 millionaire” who has more air between his ears than he does any where else. Beware!!!
These guys are everywhere and prey on young available women. He may have had the access to the money then, but what about now? For example, John took me to the most beautiful restaurants for the weeks leading up to the first but once the credit card bill came in the mail, he was gone. He is not the first and not the last.
Don’t live above your means. Talk is just talk, so come on guys……we will find out that you don’t have a home or car. It is best just to be up front and not try and blow your bank account in the first two weeks of dating someone and retreat like a dog with tail between his legs.
The second good test is the clothing rule. If I have to wear different, pretty dresses to impress you then a guy needs to change his shirt. I did not realize this until I was looking back at that last guy I dated and realized he was wearing the same shirt in every single picture but still told me that he could fly me around the world. Do they not have clothing stores for guys in other parts of the world? Some of the coolest clothes I have seen lately are the fashion clothes by Eddie Edwards. I am sure you can find fashion clothes and quality dress shirts for men somewhere in the world. If you have such a hard time try Eddie Edwards or Nordstorms but just don’t wear the same shirt every single date. Especially, when you are dating a blogger who takes more selfies than most and it is a guarantee that your mug(shot) and worn out shirt will end up in more than one pic as proof.
MelanysGuydlines #?? Don’t blow your entire paycheck in the first two weeks of dating and make sure you don’t wear the same shirt every single date.
**Stay snarky my friends!**