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Stay off my online profile MOM

By on May 31, 2013 in Relationships
moms embarassing

I wanted to write something about dating but again, my dating life is slightly boring and totally protected at this point in time. There are a few people I promised I would never write about (unless they did something so ridiculous that it would make it on the “guydlines”) so, unfortunately (for you and not me) there is no fantastic new entry into the hall of shame. Don’t worry; I am sure it won’t be that way for long knowing my amazingly unlucky, luck. However, I have a mother that likes to pry into my business in every which way… Continue Reading

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A Salute to Our Favorite Twitter Followers!

By on May 29, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

Tonight, Melany’s Guydlines (@melanyb12) will hit 3,000 followers, and we here at the office are shamelessly proud.  What’s better than having scores of hilarious “friends” to bolster your internet notoriety?  It’s 2013 man, if you don’t have an online posse, you’re a nobody. Seriously though, we’ve been lucky enough to read some funny shit thanks to some snarky virtual companions.  From this point forward we’re going to make a habit of throwing some of our favorite twitter accounts a bone to show our appreciation for your follow. Five Followers That Crack Us Up @chucklesdowner https://twitter.com/ChucklesDowner/status/339479031940530176 https://twitter.com/ChucklesDowner/status/339479707613556737 @SmashAshSmash https://twitter.com/SmashAshSmash/status/339496656074600449 https://twitter.com/SmashAshSmash/status/339792745923223552 @lwhit_the_boss… Continue Reading

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Spoof on Hot Guy Marketing Trend- Meet Josh Button

By on May 23, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Before you embark on your long Memorial Day weekend festivities, I wanted to leave you with a big smile on your face and I know exactly how to do that! This may be my favorite request so far and I could not turn down this opportunity. I am single (still)! Here you go….. Introducing, Josh Button – model, spicy food addict, dog lover, and a HOT GUY. I’m sure you’ve noticed all of the companies using hot guys to market to women, even when their products don’t seem to require a hot guy.  DIET Dr Pepper’s new spot, “Josh Button,”… Continue Reading

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Relationships, matchmakers, babies and aliens?

By on May 21, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Matchmaker make me a match!

I just can’t get on top of my work but am so excited to be presented with a lot of snarky opportunities that I will be able to share like my upcoming interview with a top Matchmaker for VIP and celebrity clients. Her name is Sherri Murphy and her Elite agency matched up the infamous Latoya Jackson on the OWN network (heard of Oprah before?).  I am a little leery of matchmakers. You remember my experience with a matchmaker and how I was set up with a guy who played for the other team? Hope Sherri does a better job… Continue Reading

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MG’s Billboard Music Awards Recap

By on May 20, 2013 in Music Biz, Snarky

I’ll be completely honest with you, I had absolutely no plans of the Billboard Music Awards even registering on my conscious this morning.  On occasion, I’ll pull up the award results in the days following and snicker at media I’ve never consumed earning trophies for their supposed brilliance.  A few awards will always carry some social significance – the Grammy, the Oscar, or the Emmy – and even a few performances have managed to carve out some space in my memory.  For the most part, however, we’re thrown corporate fodder at a runtime well north of a Yankees/Red Sox game…. Continue Reading

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Strange Celebrity Endorsements : Headphones

By on May 16, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

It’s no secret that branding makes the world go round.  On a daily basis, we’re exposed to up to 20,000 marketing messages, and most pass right under our nose without us even realizing it.  There’s the obvious ones, like the clothes we wear or the car we drive.  But how about the laundry list of celebrity hot sauces?  Or Shannon Doherty pledging the merits of an online education?  I know my dog only eats food that passed Rachael Ray’s rigorous quality standards. For whatever reason, one product that has become synonymous with the celebrity endorsement in recent years are the headphones…. Continue Reading

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Hairstyles of the Stressed Celebrity

By on May 16, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Like a naturally occurring phenomenon, it looks like we have another celebrity meltdown on our hands.  The sudden collapse of Amanda Bynes is predictable, yet fascinating.  Of course, these things aren’t actually a force of nature, but a product of our perpetual infatuation with stars, particularly those we watch grow up in front of our eyes.  Recall your awkward teenage years?  Imagine if every day, that stage was under a microscope for snarky housewives to digest like rice cakes.  I stumble through cases of writers block without the pressures of constant public attention, so imagine how it must feel to… Continue Reading

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This Rocks – Monster Energy Outbreak College Nor/So Cal dates

By on May 15, 2013 in Music Biz, Snarky

As most of you know, my heart pumps to the beat of music and I bleed rock n roll! My background is rock music and I have been blessed to work with some very cool (and some not so cool) bands along the way. I know you enjoy reading about my trials and tribulations working in music business and I can tell you that there are a lot more blog posts about past music experiences to follow. But, one of the coolest parts about this blogging journey is that new and amazing opportunities present themselves each and every day. Some… Continue Reading

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Create a Match.com Summer Singles Event & WIN – CONTEST

By on May 13, 2013 in Goodies

You know how much melanysguydlines.com loves giving away free stuff! So, here is another opportunity for you! I am so excited to have been asked to promote the one- year anniversary Stir Events by Match.com contest “What stirs you? Create a Match.com Summer Singles Event and Win” opportunity! Wow – that is a long title, but do you know what that means? It means that you have the chance to celebrate Stir’s successful singles events by entering to win the prospect of being an event planner for the day and create the most amazing singles event for eligible men and… Continue Reading

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Congratulations to Alison Maria aka relation_shits

By on May 13, 2013 in Goodies

CONGRATULATIONS to our winner of the Las Vegas contest! She really hit the Jackpot!! I love her snarky attitude and appreciate her entry! Thank you so much. I am pleased to announce the following person has won a long and hard fight for the amazing Las Vegas weekend prize. Help me congratulate – Alison Maria aka @relation_shits from Twitter!! Here is the winning/snarky/humorous #guydline: Always ending up with the brides bouquets but never the man. Flowers, those are easy to catch. Guys, not so much… (49%, 321 Votes) Thank you so much for your participation and I wish you lots… Continue Reading

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An Ode to the Intern : Libby Graduates!

By on May 11, 2013 in LOL, Snarky

This weekend while you sit at your local dive and try to make sex eyes at the only person in the room that’s remotely passable, our intern Libby will be donning the cap and gown on the big stage at Loyola Marymount University.  A momentous occasion for any young adult.  Take for instance this tasteful tweet from yours truly on the day of my graduation. (Cover your eyes Melany’s Mom) Purdue commencement : Why the fuck didn't any of you tell me to skip this? — Matt Bailey (@SonofHilljack) August 4, 2012 Forewarning Libby, everything changes when you step off… Continue Reading

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One hit wonder- Dummy Wins Rasta Banana

By on May 9, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

To most of you, Henry Gribbohm, is not a household name.  But this week’s One Hit Wonder spent his entire lifesavings; all $2,600 of it on a game call “Tubs of Fun”.  Gribbohm, was trying to win an X-box Kinect, but what this dummy didn’t realize was that he could have bought about 13 Kinects with his so called life savings.  Now all this poor soul has to show is a banana with dreadlocks that he seems to take better care of than this 2 year old. I’m trying to figure out what everyone else here is thinking, how does… Continue Reading

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