tips

Color Me Bad: Naughty or Nice

By Melany on December 5, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Hello MG fans. So, I have been slammed since my return from Arizona and the holiday season madness. I am doing my best to catch up with publicist requests, tinder matches (separate blog post for this and there are more perverts to be discovered every day), training Teddy Brewski, thinking of YouTube videos for your viewing pleasure, not eating the entire house, and needing a wheelbarrow to go to the gym. As I have mentioned to you in the past, I will only write about things publicists send me that I find interesting and funny. About a month ago, two… Continue Reading

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Melany’s Movember Mutterings

By Melany on November 19, 2013 in LOL, Snarky

I have had a very busy week and wanted to blog about some of the highlights and things I observed along the way. These may be a bit random but welcome to the inner workings of my overactive brain. -Gyms are weird. People do strange things there. Like jump onto machines and look uncoordinated and uncomfortable performing physical motions at inappropriate speeds. When these motions look as they are injuring several parts of their bodies, it probably is injuring several parts of their bodies. If you look like a spaz on the machine, I am sure that you end up… Continue Reading

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DatingAdvice.com: Me, An Expert?

By Melany on October 24, 2013 in Relationships

This week has been insane for me but in a great way! This dating and relationship blogosphere is full of information, tips, advice, experts and people who think they are experts. I have learned so much and in no way claim to be an expert but feel that I am heading in that direction (especially when it come to dating this blog and not going on any real dates). What does it mean to be an expert on love and relationships anyway? We all have both of these things (hopefully) in our lives and are full of experiences both good… Continue Reading

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Online Dating: What Not To Do (Again & Again)

By Melany on October 18, 2013 in Relationships

You all know that I have a plethora of online dating nightmare stories and it has not stopped but I have limited my reporting on such ridiculousness because it is depressing quite frankly. This one – I need to get off my chest. Please don’t make these mistakes while online dating or you will end up in the online dating nightmare category, which I should create on this here blog. The following are texts messages from a potential suitor from Sept 22, 2013 – Oct. 10, 2013 that went unanswered by me (I did answer the first week but he… Continue Reading

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Online Dating Advice: Felony Melany Style

By Melany on October 10, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

It was a rainy day here in Los Angeles so I decided to play with YouTube a little more. There are so many instructional videos for your instructional video on how to make a YouTube video. They tell you what to do, what not to do, what lighting to use, that you should stand on your head and play a tuba while blowing another bubble out of your ass, wear a donkey suit with a big clown nose down to what to say and what not to say. It is overwhelming to say the least so I just say what… Continue Reading

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Get Seriously Friendly: Say Hello & Grab Yourself a Date

By Melany on October 6, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

It is Rocktober people and I want to encourage you to get back into the dating game this fall. If you are a little rusty let me offer you a “guydline” so that you can break the ice and not look like you are trying too hard. If batting your eyelashes, sticking out your chest, and giving a come hither stare does not work in getting you potential date’s attention then I suggest a few things. Pick a body part that you like and compliment his (get out the gutter ladies) eyes. Tell them they are as blue as… Continue Reading

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Not a Certified Relationship Expert: Going Certifiably Insane Dating!

By Melany on October 4, 2013 in Relationships

Since I started writing this blog, many people ask me so many questions regarding relationships, dating and online dating. I never said I was a certified expert in dating or relationships but I have a hell of a lot of experience in this arena (unfortunately)! I have dated every idiot from the top to the bottom of California (a little in Arizona, Washington, Texas, Florida and New York but who is keeping track?) and am looking for someone to save me from the horrible dating party and online dating predicament I am in! I am not a certified relationship expert… Continue Reading

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Funny Dating Advice: Tips From The Blogging Trenches

By Melany on September 24, 2013 in Relationships

Blogging is a lot like a relationship. There are many things to learn and it does not come easy. (Maybe I need to listen to my funny dating advice and learn from my own relationship tips-just a thought?) Anyway, blogging doesn’t just consist of writing alone just like dating does not consist of going out to dinner with no desert. Blogging and social media are very special relationships. Each blog and social medium has unique characteristics, which make him or her one of a kind and special. Special, like the way you are supposed make your date feel. Not all… Continue Reading

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Under the Sheets with Antonio Sabato Jr. 2013: Relationship & Dating Tips Interview

By Melany on September 16, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Antonio Sabato Jr. relationship tips Interview with melanysguydlines 2013

Being a funny relationship blogger and dating advice giver, I am presented with various opportunities. Most of these things are ridiculous and barely make it into my inbox. But, I was given the chance to interview a total babe and of course I took it. You never know who you are going to meet or where, right? So, when I received an email from Antonio Sabato Jr.’s people of course I jumped at the opportunity to interview him regarding his new venture as a relationship blogger and online dating guru. “Enter celebrity serial dater turned online flirting guru, Antonio Sabato… Continue Reading

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Funny Relationship Stories: Sporty Sports Chick

By Melany on September 4, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships

Funny relationship stories come in many creative forms and I am a bit of a whiz at relating most parts of my life back to funny relationship stories. Recently, I was asked by a fellow blogger to write a guest post about being a “sporty chick” and how it relates to my life today. Well, I give funny relationship advice and write about funny relationship stories, but here is a post all about funny life experiences. Of course, I have to relate all of my “sportiness” back to funny relationship stories and what would my post be if it weren’t… Continue Reading

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Funny Relationship Advice: Tips from the MTV VMA Circus 2013

By Melany on August 26, 2013 in LALA Land, Music Biz, Snarky

Wil smith looking at miley cyrus ass on mtv vmas

There are a few things I know and that is funny relationship advice and music! I have also been known to give funny relationship tips now and again, right? So, let me blend my favorite things into one post, shall we? Did any of you survive the madness of MTVs 2013 VMA’s last night? If you did not watch the show, then you missed a circus. That is the nicest way I can describe the monstrosity that used to be one of my favorite television nights of the year. The show started and I don’t think I really ever recovered… Continue Reading

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