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relationships

Beware of Squeaky!

Ring Ring DAMN! Just missed the phone! My initial reaction is if I don’t know the number, I don’t pick it up. If the person wants to talk, they will leave a message and I can call them back, if I actually want to talk to them. Besides, when I went to grab the phone, somehow I pushed all the buttons at the same time and took a picture of my lap, while raising the phone to my ear and saying hello with no one at the other end (I hate that – dumb I phone). Or dumb me, I am blonde…. Continue Reading

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Miss Piggy – Guydline for a better looking USA

Upon returning to Los Angeles from San Francisco via automobile, with Teddy Brewski as co-pilot, a few thoughts popped into my head (there were more than that but don’t want you to know all of them)…. Why does everyone driving long distances look as if they could be relatives of the people from “Fragle Rock”? **Stay snarky my friends!**

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First Jackasses in my life – Music lessons

People ALWAYS ask me what I do. My answer is A LOT. But, my background and professional experience is in music. I love music! Music is the soundtrack to my life (it is). I know that sounds cheesy but it is. I have a hard time relating to people if we have different taste in music. I am totally “audio-ly A.D.D.” meaning if the music is not good in a bar, club, at a party, in a supermarket, elevator- I have to leave. I find myself to be one of very few (people with good taste in music) blonde, Jewish… Continue Reading

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Words of wisdom regarding e-masculating men…..

“And God promised men That good and obedient wives would be Found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round….and laughed and laughed and laughed…” …….and I laughed, and laughed and laughed because I have come to the conclusion that the more men I date, the more “de-masculinized” (not a word, but should be) they are and that in fact I am not the one that is emasculating them, they are taking care of that all on their own. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Matchmaker, Matchmaker – No more nightmare dates!

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, make me a match, and don’t make him a snatch. Please don’t show me a picture of a man wearing a black top hot, holding a cane (and try to convince me that he is cute-when it is not) or ask me if I would go on a date with the FATHER of a guy I did not want to date because HE looked too old for me (so of course his FATHER is WAY too old for me, OBVIOUSLY). I don’t want to date a man who weighs more than “Free Willy”, and… Continue Reading

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“Tannest” Party – Beginning New Relationships and Crazy Friendships

Attending the University of Arizona for college provided me with a lot of (great looking, TAN) friends and CRAZY (legendary) stories for my blog. One of my favorite funny true stories occurred during Freshman orientation.. I was just 18 years old, but the events that transpired during this weekend introduced me to THE (BEST PARTY) school and gave me a preview to my lifetime of unbelievable (somewhat incriminating) experiences with some truly AMAZING party people! **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Dating – The laws for a guide to a perfect relationship!

So, now that I have lost yet another Facebook Friend, (I am sure it is one of the John’s on my friend list or probably his sister) I am going to share another funny dating story that will not insult anyone (hopefully). I know that I had one police officer as a friend (but I think he is in jail) and does not count anymore (right?). Of course, I dated this guy for a split second until I noticed that he constantly referred to himself in the third person. He was a struggling actor (waiter) in LA and had “the… Continue Reading

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Dear John – The relationship “letter” for my ex-boyfriend

It pains me to tell you, John (if that is even your name) but I must move on without you in my life. I want to thank you for having a complete mental breakdown in my apartment (because it alerted me that you need some professional help and the need for this letter). I just texted you my therapist’s name and number and he will be expecting your call. He DEFINITELY knows who you are and that I referred you (I get $100 off for every person I refer, so I am getting free therapy for at least the next… Continue Reading

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Dear John

Dear John, This funny dating story is entertaining to me because I just ran into ex-boyfriend #2 from last year after not seeing, hearing, or receiving smoke signals of his existence for almost a year! For ex-boyfriend #2 , we will call him John. I think that protects him enough. I mean come on John, and when I saw him he was running so fast that he was probably being chased by the police, another girl, huge man from the Castro named Fifi who wanted his money back or by someone else he sold his pretend life story too.  So, he… Continue Reading

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PERFECTION!

Hello! Is this thing on? As most of you know, I have been celebrating my Birthday week! Yes, I celebrate for a week because that is how long it took my parents to decide whether they were going to keep or trade me in for another baby (just kidding)! I was the devil’s spawn, an absolutely horrific baby. Can you imagine? I am the easiest person to get along with all the time, right? Anyway, in all of my preparation for this joyous occasion, I broke the first rule of blogging (according to the bloggers bible; Blogging for Idiots) and… Continue Reading

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