funny

Happy Halloween aka #dresslikeaslutday

By Melany on October 31, 2016 in Snarky

I can’t believe it is #dresslikeaslutday already. Where did 2016 go? It is almost 2017. WHAAAA? This Halloween, I’m hiding and going to TRY and catch up a little at home. If you have been following along I moved – again. I am never, ever moving again. So, with that said I am super far behind and won’t be strutting my “stuff” this Halloween. Bummer. I do love Halloweenie and so does Teddy Brewski! They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your price. Does this count? They said you have to kiss a lot of… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 2

Which Snarky Pool Floatie Are You?

By Melany on September 16, 2016 in Goodies, Snarky

Before this post fades away with the pool weather I better get it up! It is still hot outside! It is almost as hot as the devil’s mouth right now in Arizona and I want to get some new pool floats for my new pool. With so many choices out there where does one begin? If you could choose any pool floatie to float away on which would it be? There are so many choices out there I have no idea which float I want for my brand new pool so I thought I would put together a little quiz!… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 0

Not All Influencers Are Created Equal: Celebrity vs. Influencer Part 2

By Melany on August 3, 2016 in Greatest Hits, Relationships, Snarky

Continued from my previous post….. Did you read it? You should right here. The next interesting issue from my previous post is about social media influencers turning celebrity. Not like Brad Pitt celeb status but more like a Tila Tequila celeb status. Usually these C-D-listers, so called celebs are so entitled that they are here one day and gone the next. Out faster than onesies for the holidays. In this case, these people are usually managed or have agents like the guy I met a while back and is now feeling “holier than thou” trying to sign “digital” talent. He… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 8

Not All Influencers Are Created Equal: Celebrity vs. Influencer Part 1

By Melany on July 22, 2016 in Greatest Hits, Relationships, Snarky

This post was written a few months back while visiting Los Angeles (I got out for good this time because I served two full sentences there and have not looked back since) and I have been so busy that I did not get around to sharing then but am making time right now! This is an important post and describes the difference between a celebrity and influencer in snarky terms, of course. Ahh Hollywood. You never cease to provide me with ample amounts of snarky material to address on this here blog. I love you for that (and just that)…. Continue Reading

Continue Reading 20

Throw a Pet Pawty With Evite Invitations & Win The #PawtyPeople Contest

By Melany on July 18, 2016 in Snarky

OMG! Be forewarned, this is one of the cutest things you will read all day! Evite just launched a new Pet Party Themed category with invitations and correspondence cards. How cute is that? I can’t get enough of the options on the Evite site. Seriously? Where does one start? I wanted to throw a football pawty for Teddy since he is named after Teddy Bruschi (the football player, of course) and they had the cutest Evite on the site. Look! LOVE! Touchdown! But, the problem is there are no football games on right now and I want to throw Teddy… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 4

Happy Father’s Day 2016: GO DUBS #StrengthinNumbers

By Melany on June 19, 2016 in Relationships

Wishing my daddy a very happy and healthy Father’s Day with a BIG win from the Warriors tonight! Thank you for all of my Golden State gear and I will be wearing my shirt and waving my flag while watching the game tonight! Take a pic at the game please! #strengthinnumbers #dubs Also, thank you for putting up with me and being the best daddy ever. This is a classic picture of my dad! HA! Do you wonder where I get my snarky from? This one is from the Shorty awards last year! And this is a gem! Hi-five… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 0

It’s My Birthday And I Will Do What I Want To

By Melany on June 12, 2016 in Snarky

Another year. Another Birthday. But, this year is going to be the best yet because I have been reciting my mantra and putting these things into place. It is one thing to say them and it is another thing to actually do what you say. So, for my Birthday this year: – I am not doing anything I don’t actually want to do. – I am not feeling obligated to anyone. – I am only doing what makes me happy. So, if you missed it here is the mantra…… Sound like a plan? I do have a little wish though…. Continue Reading

Continue Reading 2

Father’s Day Gift Guide 2016: Dog Not Included

By Melany on June 6, 2016 in Goodies, Snarky

I have been scouring the Internet for the BEST Father’s Day gift ideas for all of you! My dad is super cool and loves a lot of things especially the Warriors! GO DUBS! But, he also loves snarky products I give him as I am a professional shopper and blogger. But, we all know that. So, let me share a few of these finds with you. What do you think? 1. Overstock everything especially the Father’s Day gift basket I am giving away! Have you entered yet? You should. Good luck. Remember it includes 15 fatherly-approved items such as a… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 12

Melany’s Mantra: Repeat, Rinse And Repeat

By Melany on June 2, 2016 in Greatest Hits, Snarky

Every morning I swear to repeat this mantra. I am going to print it out and hang on my mirror. It is the summer and I want to take some time for myself while still being able to do the things I WANT to do. This means not feeling obligated to do things others think I SHOULD be doing. Here we go. Cue the chanting music and theme lighting. Add a candle and throw in some incense but please spare me the Nag Champa. I think I left that scent back in San Francisco on Haight Street when I was… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 9

You Can Learn A Lot From A Dog

By Melany on May 24, 2016 in Snarky

Yes, you can learn a lot from a dog. I learn from Teddy Brewski every day. I mean, I learned last night that dogs will eat everything (even asparagus) if the opportunity arises. I will let you know how that goes. But what I really want to share with all of you people is this. As I walk Teddy Brewski and watch him walk his favorite walk every day and he always takes time to smell the roses. He also let’s someone else (me) deal with all of the “garbage”. I have decided to let go of a lot of… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 8

Plug Me Back In: Hump Day Snarkiness

By Melany on May 18, 2016 in Snarky

Good Morning and happy Hump Day! In celebration of it being just that I thought I would share a little known skill I possess and might need to add to my media kit. I can rap (ish) the entire Humpty Dance by Digital Underground. Yes, that is me in an Uber. Highly recommend using uber when you feel a little happy of have a drink or 4. It is awesome. Also, take a look at my updated media kit if you have a product or work for a brand that might be a snarky fit for MelanysGuydlines. Always looking for… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 2

World Cocktail Day 2016: Recipes for Double Fri-Yay The 13th

By Melany on May 13, 2016 in Snarky

Happy Friday the 13th. CHEERS! I bet you didn’t know that today is not just Fri-yay the 13th but something even cooler! If doughnuts can have a holiday so can cocktails. While we never need much of a reason to mix up a post-work-week cocktail, if you’re looking for an excuse to get creative, today, May 13th is World Cocktail Day! Double Fri- yay. My favorite color is grey goose! My favorite color is grey goose! #worldcocktailday Click To Tweet My go to drink is: Grey Goose Soda with Lime Grey Goose Soda with a splash of lime in a… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 4