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Snarky

Dating Category – Humper

Hi, my name is Melany, and my dog is a Humper. This is the first time I have been able to admit it. He humps toys, hands, arms, and sides (he has not started with the leg yet). I went to puppy class yesterday and he mounted the front of a Havanese puppy and proceeded to go at her head. Yes, this is embarrassing and I wanted to crawl under the little red slide attached to the playhouse in the dog training room (do dogs really know what to do with a plastic slide?) (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Las Vegas – Rock & Lions

Ahhh, Las Vegas! My third home. I was born in a casino (I wasn’t  but with my innate ability to schlep around the Las Vegas strip, casino, hotels and clubs you would think I was). It is like I was born with a map of the MGM casino in my hand. Well, I Just got back from my trip where I went with the intention to rock out like a maniac for 48 hours straight. This was interrupted by a little bump in the road but I rallied as best I know how to make the trip a success! Put on… Continue Reading

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Thanks

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY STORIES. PLEASE PASS ALONG!!!! THE ONLY WAY I CAN CONTINUE BEING FUNNY AND WRITING IS IF I CAN START TO MAKE SOME MONEY AT IT. IF NOT, MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO FIRE ME AND THROW ME OUT ON THE STREET. SO PLEASE PASS ALONG TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS AND ENEMIES (NO LAW ENFORCEMENT PLEASE). I CAN USE ALL THE HELP I CAN GET!!!! (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Beware of Squeaky!

Ring Ring DAMN! Just missed the phone! My initial reaction is if I don’t know the number, I don’t pick it up. If the person wants to talk, they will leave a message and I can call them back, if I actually want to talk to them. Besides, when I went to grab the phone, somehow I pushed all the buttons at the same time and took a picture of my lap, while raising the phone to my ear and saying hello with no one at the other end (I hate that – dumb I phone). Or dumb me, I am blonde…. Continue Reading

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Miss Piggy – Guydline for a better looking USA

Upon returning to Los Angeles from San Francisco via automobile, with Teddy Brewski as co-pilot, a few thoughts popped into my head (there were more than that but don’t want you to know all of them)…. Why does everyone driving long distances look as if they could be relatives of the people from “Fragle Rock”? (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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First Jackasses in my life – Music lessons

People ALWAYS ask me what I do. My answer is A LOT. But, my background and professional experience is in music. I love music! Music is the soundtrack to my life (it is). I know that sounds cheesy but it is. I have a hard time relating to people if we have different taste in music. I am totally “audio-ly A.D.D.” meaning if the music is not good in a bar, club, at a party, in a supermarket, elevator- I have to leave. I find myself to be one of very few (people with good taste in music) blonde, Jewish… Continue Reading

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Felony Melanie

So “hypothetically” speaking, I once knew this girl named Melanie. She was given the name “Felony Melanie” in college. Melanie had several nicknames throughout high school, including “Mel”, “Melba-toast” (lame), “Smelly Mel” (Thanks to her Uncle Ben – you’re an ass) and the one that stuck – “Felony Melanie”. (more…) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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