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Texting is ruining my dating life

So here we are, the first official work week in January. I don’t know where everyone was after the first, but I started working last week. It seems like an eternity since New Years Eve, which I am stoked to report was an absolute blast.  I lost 12 hours of my life but I have great pictures to prove that my best friend and I had an amazing time (and so did the other guys, Teddy, cat, horse and rabbit in the pictures). Don’t ask! I have not had a dating story in a long time. Partly, because I have… Continue Reading

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Good Riddance 2012

I want to say thank you for giving me the opportunity to make people laugh with melanysguydlines.com.  This single girl blog was created as a result of some of the hardest moments in my life but has served well as MY cathartic outlet. My tag line is that I have lived 9 lives, and I truly have . I have been blessed with loving parents and for that I am most thankful. Each of us has our own struggles and obstacles to overcome. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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What are you for 2013?

Why does the song go “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me”? Are there more than 2 days of Christmas? I am confused.  Anyway, I know there are 8 days of Hanukkah. Maybe someone got that mixed up in the song.  And what did your other love give you? What other kind of love is there if it is not true?    Hmmmmm……Anyway – I am looking forward to my New Years Resolution! I have new office space for 2013! I am so excited that I can write and make you laugh all day long in… Continue Reading

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“Girl Can’t Help It”

Fa la la la la….la..la..la..la! The inundation of Christmas music from every open orifice in the Los Angeles area makes me think of my beginnings in the music business, though it did not always include the jolliest of feelings. When people ask me what I want to do (when I grow up) I still tell them something involving music. No, I do not want to sing the Driedel song or tell you that imaginary Santa is kissing mom under the Christmas tree (cheating? no wonder there are so many confused men in this world because we give them the wrong… Continue Reading

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Cliffs Notes

My last post was a little long so I decided to write the Cliffs Notes version. These always contained the best part of anything I ever read in school. So here it is because I don’t want you to miss out on a laugh or two…. Puppies are the best wingmen. They are. You know that they will always look good and grab the attention of the opposite sex for the right reason (and not for dressing like Miss Piggy). You will always be proud of them walking by your side. There is never the feeling of embarrassment when you are… Continue Reading

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Relationships 101

Thank you guys for taking the time to post comments regarding my last post “Gentlemen know best”. It is great to hear from you and I welcome all your feedback. Consider this single girl blog a social experiment for the both of us. I write about whatever comes to my mind (good and bad) and you give me your honest feedback. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Gentlemen know best

There is one more thing I am thankful for that I just barely touched on with my last post. I want to thank EVERYONE who reads my blog and welcome all of the newcomers, especially the fellas. You guys are representing and make up a large part of my readership. It may come as a surprise to some of you that the majority of my readership is men. It is! **Stay snarky my friends!**

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I am most thankful for…..

  I am THANKFUL for: Being raised by the 2 most amazing people who have been supportive through all my 9 lives and taught me never to be scared of my own shadow. Being blessed to have had a sister that I shared everything with and knowing that she is watching over me every day. Having the strength to kick ass literally and figuratively. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Will you go out with me (text or Facebook)?

It is that time of the week where I am compelled to sit down and write something funny but not too offensive because I would not want to alienate my people (trust me, some of the people I know I can DEFINITELY live without). My brain is tired from catching up last week. I did not go out or do anything exciting but still feel like a truck hit me. It could be the “annoyingness” of some of my “so called” friends that flit in and out of my life or the extreme magnetic force running through my body that… Continue Reading

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Trick or Turn Tricks?

Happy Halloween! I love this holiday and it is not because I can dress like a slut. Halloween reminds me of my childhood and good times with my family; carving pumpkins, eating too much candy (that my mom would sort for me, do parents still care?), **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Bachelor Auction – cash or check?

I woke up this morning with the weirdest memory of the night before, or was it a nightmare? I think back on the night and wonder where the hell was I? It resembled some kind of circus with animal-like creatures but I know the circus is not in LA right now. Was it a real or just a dream? It was real and I am still frightened! It was a Bachelor Charity Auction in Beverly Hills, CA and the people watching were too much for my ADD medicine to control. At least I got a great dating story out of… Continue Reading

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Dating Category – Humper

Hi, my name is Melany, and my dog is a Humper. This is the first time I have been able to admit it. He humps toys, hands, arms, and sides (he has not started with the leg yet). I went to puppy class yesterday and he mounted the front of a Havanese puppy and proceeded to go at her head. Yes, this is embarrassing and I wanted to crawl under the little red slide attached to the playhouse in the dog training room (do dogs really know what to do with a plastic slide?) **Stay snarky my friends!**

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