Funny Lifestyle & Relationship Blog With A Snarky Twist: MelanysGuydlines

When Animals Attack: Dating Interference

By Melany on February 19, 2014 in Relationships

The Shorty Awards nominations are over and I hope I did not miss the honor by one spot. I will be ok with it (I will not, but my vodka is chilling and ready for consumption at 4:59PM to soothe my soul -just in case). Stay tuned as they are calculating right NOW! If I did not win, I am convinced outside forces in which I had no control over affected the outcome. Animals. You know? When animals attack? In the past week, I had interference from all of the following “animals”, which prevented proper promoting, blogging, (and successful… Continue Reading

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Dating & Sex with Patti Stanger & Perez Hilton for Match.com

By Melany on February 12, 2014 in Relationships

As most of you know, I drove to Arizona a few weeks ago for relaxation and to step away from my keyboard. And….I failed miserably at relaxing plus got a speeding ticket along the way. So, not the most fun trip but, I did take part in a discussion with the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger and Perez Hilton discussing love, dating and sex findings from Match.com 2014 study. The event looked Ah–mazing in New York and I am bummed that I could not actually be at there in RL. However, I was selected to represent the West Coast blogging community… Continue Reading

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Mel’s Hits & Misses Valentines Day 2014-PART 2

By Melany on February 9, 2014 in Goodies

Accessories Council’s #ACTOPPICKS Valentine’s Day Gift Bag

I love accessories more than anyone. This is an honest AND fair statement! I have been known as the girl with “long blonde hair, big brown eyes, long nails and lots of jewelry” ever since I can remember (Melanie Felony time). I would have more things hanging from me than Mr. XMAS tree if I could work it fabulously. Too bad I haven’t met Mr. Right to slide a sparkler on my ring finger. Come on cupid – how is the shooting practice going? Anyway, if it doesn’t glitter, sparkle, have studs or catch your eye – I am not… Continue Reading

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Mel’s Hits & Misses Valentines Day 2014-PART 1

By Melany on February 5, 2014 in Goodies

It is that time of year and since people think I am some sort of a relationship expert –ish, I have received many awesome and not so awesome product reviews/requests. I wish my dating prospects were as good as some of these items. I hope my chubby, cherub a.k.a. cupid has been going to the shooting range. I will pay for him to have lessons to improve his aim and stop hitting all the asses of assholes. At this point, I would rather have Ted…..ehh Teddy Brewski than any other prospects. Cupid – you listening? 1. Ted Doll (I found… Continue Reading

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Cupids Bullseye: $545 Exclusive ICJUK Giveaway

By Melany on February 3, 2014 in Goodies

Happy pre-Valentines Day (another- Don’t dress like a slut day). If you heard my interview on The Modern Dater, then you know I don’t love this holiday. It is not because I am single and bitter because when I had a hot boyfriend – I hated the holiday. You can ask him? He is probably still sitting in the same chair, with the same shocked looked on his face when I left him at a five star restaurant some years back. People – we do not need Hallmark to tell each other when we should be nice. It should happen… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines for a Shorty Award: Blogger

By Melany on January 29, 2014 in Goodies

I need to win a Shorty award because I am short! I am also – funny and snarky….or so I am told. Shorty Awards acknowledge the best is social media and this is right up my alley You know? Snarky is witty but younger and better looking!? This blog is my cathartic outlet and I use laughter as the best medicine. I am so excited and honored to have been nominated over 130 times in the blogger category (even got a few in Comedian but blogger is what I want). Thank you! There are a bunch of other snarky reasons… Continue Reading

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Grammys: Sink or Swim?

By Melany on January 26, 2014 in LALA Land, Snarky

I wake up this morning and am super pissed that I don’t have a Master Card in my wallet. Actually, I am also a little irritated with my wallet staying out all weekend at a friend’s house. I left my wallet there on Thursday and have been confined to the house and sustaining on left over Halloween candy since I have no MONEY to buy any food. It is ok but I am going to be pissed if I can’t fit into my outfit for tonight. Oh that is right? A pair of tickets to the Grammys, preshow and after… Continue Reading

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Snark Queen/Melanysguydlines on the Modern Dater K-HOW

By Melany on January 20, 2014 in Relationships

There is so much going on with Melanysguydlines and it is great! I have been appointed as the Snark Queen from Beverly Hills for my relationship and dating advice! If you have not heard (then you have been under a rock) – I was on the radio this past weekend! Radio is near and dear to my heart as most of you know that I used to promote all of your favorite rock bands on radio. But, this time I was not asked to promote Van Halen or Velvet Revolver but ME and Melanysguydlines. The Modern Dater show is in… Continue Reading

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$200 RETRO BRAND Gear Giveaway!

By Melany on January 17, 2014 in Goodies

Exciting news today! So, you all know that I am a rocker, love college basketball (especially my #1 Arizona Wildcats), pop-culture, baseball and beer! That is a given. For a while now, I have been a HUGE fan of a clothing company that was created by a fellow University of Arizona Wildcat alumnus, Marc Herman. Marc’s company, Retro Brand produces KICK ASS gear for snarky people like you and me! Retro Brand and Melanysguydlines are giving you the chance to win $200 buckeroos to buy whatever your little heart desires on their site! THIS IS AWESOME! I have a bunch… Continue Reading

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Bye Cold But, I’m Keeping the Funny, Sexy Voice!

By Melany on January 15, 2014 in Relationships

I am back from Vegas and have a cold. It is not fantastic because I am still hungry but can’t taste anything so forget about losing weight while sitting here with my thumb up my ass. It is not awesomely dehydrating like the stomach flu where you magically lose 5 pounds. It is more like I am bloated like a puffer fish from the sodium in soup I have been ordering from the local LA Delicatessens. At least I have been able to catch up on taxes, which may actually be the worst thing in life besides moving or a… Continue Reading

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SodaStream: Scarlett Johansson as Brand Amabassador

By Melany on January 13, 2014 in Goodies, LALA Land

You know I get some very interesting press releases about new products and happenings in Hollywood but last week I got something super fun! I was given an exclusive invite to the red carpet event announcing the first Brand Ambassador for SodaStream! Of course, with a pitch like: “ SodaStream, the leading manufacturer and distributor of home carbonation beverage systems, is about to announce a new partnership with an A list celebrity that will give George Clooney (Nespresso) and Jennifer Aniston (smart water) a run for their money. The new brand ambassador will also be the star of the much anticipated SodaStream… Continue Reading

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Bitch on Plane & Graziano Mob Wives Meat Cleavers?

By Melany on January 10, 2014 in Relationships

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Hello, hello! I am back in LALAland and just in time to rock out to some 80’s rock n’ roll tonight! Stephen Pearcy from Ratt and roll is playing at the Whisky and how could I miss it? Well I am not! I lucked out and jumped on an earlier plane yesterday so that I could get home and apply all the new social media and blogging knowledge to this blog! Of course, I had a lady on my plane who thought that she was the only person on the aircraft. She was no Alec… Continue Reading

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