It is that time of year and since people think I am some sort of a relationship expert –ish, I have received many awesome and not so awesome product reviews/requests. I wish my dating prospects were as good as some of these items. I hope my chubby, cherub a.k.a. cupid has been going to the shooting range. I will pay for him to have lessons to improve his aim and stop hitting all the asses of assholes. At this point, I would rather have Ted…..ehh Teddy Brewski than any other prospects. Cupid – you listening?
1. Ted Doll (I found him and he is mine, forever. I may buy him a card if he takes cupid to the shooting range and teaches him snarky aim).
Not sure how much I love the movie but Teddy Brewski is the best boyfriend ever so I will take this with a huge smile on my face. The funniest part about this is that there is a variety of Ted merch (dolls, pillows, and coffee mugs) spewing different sayings from rated PG-13 to R. Recently, my blog was turned away from a certain blogging agency because I use vulgar language. How is this shit?
Moms response to the people who said I need to improve on my vulgar language on the blog “Are you shitting kidding me?”
— MelanysGuydlines ® (@Melanyb12) February 4, 2014
2. oNecklace –Personalized Jewelry for gold or silver enthusiasts.
Jewelry requests are plentiful lately especially since it is Valentines Day. A lot of the pieces are NOT CUTE. But, oNecklace has so many choices that it will appeal to everyone. Love the options. What woman doesn’t love jewels? Well, I do! I love my gold but when I discovered oNecklace, I just had to get a silver name necklace to match my gold one (my grandmother had a gold version made for me years ago and I wear it all the time). The personalized, silver, Melany oNecklace came in a gorgeous box and arrived so fast! I had this killer new outfit that I rocked at the Phoenix Open this past weekend. The AG Leggings and my grey Vintage Sdanana “holy” sweater, Dita sunglasses, Steve Madden black and silver studded bag, and all finished with my Carrie Silver name necklace. Thought the “Carrie” necklace was so appropriate for this blogger. Check it out and for a limited time I can offer 10% off to my lucky readers!
Leave me a comment!
3. Love Bites: Food for Thought and Other Appetizing Sentiments – Don’t worry it is a small book and there are a lot of pics as I know people don’t love to read anymore!
Super cute as a gift especially if you just started dating or love a little humor in your love life. You know I don’t like taking pictures of food and sharing them but this book is different because it, “illustrates the quirks, whimsies, isms, kinks, idiosyncrasies, eccentricities, peculiarities, and funny moments of life as a couple through the medium of food. …From your first “date” to your quintessential “nacho” man to a piece of bacon deemed the “streaker,” you’ll be sure to smile through each relationship scenario presented in Price’s adorable illustrations.” Go get it for your honey. Super cute 🙂 I see it is backordered so if you leave me a comment maybe I will choose one of you to give my copy too! Better make it good!
4. The Wedding Pact – Super cute date movie mirroring my real life……kinda.
When I was in college, I made a pact with a friend that if we were not married by the time we were 30, we would marry each other. That didn’t quite work out for me because I am 30ish and he likes looking at men more than me (he is still my #1 bff). The Wedding Pact movie follows a somewhat similar story minus the gay part. You will have to watch and see what happens in regards to the working out part. Staring Haylie Duff, Angie Everhart, Leslie Easterbrook, and Directed by Matt Berman. Available on Pay-Per-View, iTunes, and DVD TODAY and you can pre-order on Amazon (out on 2/21)! Go get it and let me know what you think. Let’s hope I don’t need to make a new pact for 40.
1. Kenneth Cole Wristlet – Sorry excuse for a wallet with a strap sewn onto the corner.
If the Superbowl game was not bad enough, NFL football regulations has influenced other sporting events in regards to what spectators are allowed to bring. Thanks to a few dipshits who ruin it for the rest of us, I was stuck carrying and fighting this stupid, pleather “wristlet” all day at the Phoenix Open golf tournament. It would have been cuter, easier and more fashionable to carry the plastic bags they were handing out at security. NO ON WRISTLETS!
(No PICTURES necessary for the followings items – they are that awful!)
2. Cheap Coffee maker and all natural Filters – NO. Just NO.
If I wanted to drink the grinds of coffee, I would just add a spoonful to my Ted mug and add hot water. No thank you. Talk about sick and thanks for the heartburn. Toss this machine and filters if you have it and splurge if you drink as much coffee as I do! It is worth it to invest in a REAL coffee maker and NORMAL filters so that I can start and end my day in the most snarky way possible.
3. Speeding Ticket – SUCKS!
Be careful what you do while you are driving. Don’t drink, sneeze, itch, text, pick your ass or laugh at your dog while traveling long distances because there is sure to be a Highway patrol wanting to pull you over. I was speeding yes, but come on guy? Like I am not on the computer enough? Now I have to take driving school because I have SOOO much free time (sarcastic). Also, what the hell? Don’t offer Comedy driving school in person and not on the internet. I will write it for you if you give me a “get out of jail” free card for the rest of my life? DEAL?
I DRANK THE CHAMPS AND ATE THE CHOCOLATES – too bad Teddy Brewski can’t eat the ticket!
Part 2 – coming up……
**Stay snarky my friends!**