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Hairstyles of the Stressed Celebrity

Like a naturally occurring phenomenon, it looks like we have another celebrity meltdown on our hands.  The sudden collapse of Amanda Bynes is predictable, yet fascinating.  Of course, these things aren’t actually a force of nature, but a product of our perpetual infatuation with stars, particularly those we watch grow up in front of our eyes.  Recall your awkward teenage years?  Imagine if every day, that stage was under a microscope for snarky housewives to digest like rice cakes.  I stumble through cases of writers block without the pressures of constant public attention, so imagine how it must feel to be a real life one hit wonder.  I won’t even try to turn this into a cultural critique, because I enjoy it as much as the next person – especially when each meltdown tends to be so resemblant of the ones preceding it.

One especially poignant and entertaining phase of the celebrity meltdown is the abrupt change of hairstyle.  As a person who probably pays more attention to his hair than he should, I can understand trying out a few new looks.  “Meltdown hair”, however, is defined by how drastic a change it is, and how hilarious their poor judgement looks as a result.  The weapon of choice tends to be the electric razor – the most hazardous of tools in the hands of a celebrity with anxiety.  Should we recap the history of fashion face-plants?  Of course we should.

Lindsay Lohan

One of the more triumphant meltdowns, but a generally tame one in the hair department.  A blunder no less, because part of what made Lindsay so stunning was her deep auburn hair.  There’s a lot of factors involved here, but this looks like it was pulled straight out of those “faces of meth” before and afters.  We hear she recently switched rehab clinics so she could smoke and hang out with friends, so DECISIONS in general aren’t exactly her greatest strength.  Pull it together, Lohan, you’ve got talent.

Michael Jackson

Listen, I know MJ side-by-sides are a bit played out at this point.  Additionally, I realize Mike was never exactly a shining beacon for men’s hairstyle choices.  However, you can’t leave off a submission that went from afro, to jerry curl, to straight up authoritarian mom.  RIP though Mike, because the fact remains you still had the ability to turn a stale get together into an all out dance party in about 3 minutes flat.

Amanda Bynes

Props Bynes, because you made yourself suddenly relevant again by simply giving yourself cubic zirconium dimples and expressing a truly graphic desire.  Additionally, you’ve decided to wield the ominous razor and give yourself what I call the “Dubstep Pompadour”.  This haircut reminds me of 1996, and how if you wanted to perfect this cut, you needed to buzz the sides tight.  Amanda, take note of how ridiculous that trend was, and most hair trends are.  We’re reaching the apex of this meltdown though, so stay tuned for more missteps…

Robert Downey Jr.

RDjr has dabbled in more than a handful of hairstyles during the course of his stardom, and his batting average is one of the best in the league.  The man defines cool, and it helps that he’s one of the greatest actors of our generation.  That’s probably why it feels like his public meltdown was as much a hobby as it was misstep.  That theory is probably gutted by the hair he’s sporting on this mugshot though, which is a gaffe just a small step short of full on “Eraserhead”.

Britney Spears

The queen bee of celebrity meltdown haircuts.  Her demise was highly documented, and good god that shit was entertaining.  Britney set the bar for brash hair choices, taking her signature blonde locks to brunette land, and then axing them off completely.  As it stands today, she’s found her stable footing again in a terrific example of how celebrity meltdowns function.  Thx 4 the memories, Brit.

 

Anxiety is no laughing matter.  Events occur in life that can push us to the edge – where our decisions are skewed by sudden instability in our lives.  We can make rash decisions, push away those who are close to us, and lose grip on our sense of individuality.  Most of us emerge from it stronger, and we’re able to weed out the friends that weren’t by our side for the entire process.

It’s rough, and we’ve all been there to some extent.  But when said anxiety is a result of just getting too damn famous, we can write innocuous blog posts knowing that their cold tears can be soaked up by dollar bills.  Don’t worry Amanda – you’ll pull through (even if you are a bit of a one hit wonder – and just like the celebrities before you, you’ll hit your stride and we can all laugh at your missteps together.

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