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Go Hack Yourself

Dear hacker losers that have nothing better to do than try and hack my blog:

Get over it! I am no longer playing these dumb games and have moved on to super duty protection on melanysguydlines.com. The Secret Service has been notified and we are taking very good care of those boys (they like their Grey Goose sodas and techno music – just saying).

Hack Off

Consider this a little warning to you (or multiple shitheads) trying to hack my site. My dog does bite. He might look cuddly and fluffy but when instructed he will take off a limb (I choose which one). We were practicing this weekend and I have no nerves in my right index finger from him gnawing at my digit. After 2 shots in the butt and one in the arm, I am confident in saying that Teddy Brewski will kick your ass (or bite it – teaching him that next week because my ass is too sore from the shots).

I do offer training for Billy-Bad-Ass people but you need to fit the bill. If you want to be me so badly, send me an email and I am sure that we can agree upon a price for me to teach you some acceptable and useful people/social skills that do no involve sitting in a dark room, by yourself fantasizing about me (you will never have it).

Here are some freebies (I am a totally giving person). Go to the gym (and try something there – anything, just pick something up), eat food that does not come out of a box, try and make friends that do not live in your computer, move out of your mom’s basement and STOP listening to Metallica (they are my favorite band and way too GOOD for your ears-you are going to jinx them).

Remember -my team of trained experts is watching you. Yes, we see you. Consider this a warning.

 

Hugs n’ KISSEZZ,

Mel G and Teddy B

**Stay snarky my friends!**

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