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Funny Relationship Advice: Tips from the MTV VMA Circus 2013

There are a few things I know and that is funny relationship advice and music! I have also been known to give funny relationship tips now and again, right? So, let me blend my favorite things into one post, shall we? Did any of you survive the madness of MTVs 2013 VMA’s last night? If you did not watch the show, then you missed a circus. That is the nicest way I can describe the monstrosity that used to be one of my favorite television nights of the year. The show started and I don’t think I really ever recovered from what I saw in the first 30 minutes. After watching, I can conclude why I have funny (insane) relationship advice and tips for all of you. We see celebrities doing things on TV and try to emulate them because that is what we should be and do right? NO! WRONG! SO WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS!

Let me start by saying Lady GaGa is an artist! But, she is Koo Koo for Cocoa Cocoa puffs! How does this link to funny relationship tips? Well, it does because Lady GaGa has a boyfriend and I do not! Maybe if I sang with my head in a box, blasted canned “boos” as I was finished something that may have once been considered singing, and changed my clothes 40 times during a two-minute song, I too would have a boyfriend? What do you think? I may try this sometime….probably not. GaGa – you are trying too hard and my funny relationship tip to you is to not always show your elevator does not go to the top floor on national TV because your beau is probably watching somewhere huddled in a corner from pure embarrassment.

Next, the VMA’s are not what they used to be by any stretch of the imagination. They are now just making up awards to give people. There is a Moonman for the “Best Video with a Social Message” award? What happened to “Best Rock Video”? Oh that is right, there is no more rock on the MTV VMA’s. I broke up with you a while ago MTV but last night may have been the final straw. Get back to the music and while you are at it, play some videos because I am tired of seeing teens get pregnant, have babies to get on TV, find celebrity and end up in pornographic videos. It is shameful. I don’t think all the advice and tips in the world would save those teens so I am going to move on.

Miley Cyrus. Miley? (WTF kind of name is that anyway?) Disney should be so proud of their alumnus including the chaos that has surrounded both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera on past shows. But, Miley takes the cake last night. At least watching Britney during the time she was legally crazy we could still remember her entertaining us by dancing her ass off with a yellow snake around her neck to a recorded, synthesized track. I can never remember Miley Cyrus ever doing anything that required talent and last night was no different. Our youth is in trouble if that is what they have to look up to as a pop star.

Wil smith looking at miley cyrus ass on mtv vmas

Some things you just can’t unsee! Priceless

She has gyrated her “lack of” ass all over the internet “twerking”(dumb word and dumb dance) and last nights performance took the twerk to the n’th degree. I never need to see or hear that ever again. Someone get that little girl some clothes, brush her hair, put her tongue back in her mouth, get her out of a Mickey Mouse (slut) inspired costume because she is hexing the poor cartoon figure, and get her some Oxygen. Oh, Billy Ray? But, yet again, this girl has somehow snagged one of the hottest guys in Hollywood. Not sure what his exact name is but I know he is one part twin and a Hemsworth. Where do you think he was last night watching his fiancé grind on Robin Thicke (wearing a clown costume)?  I am not sure but a funny relationship tip for him is to get the ring off that future strippers finger before she pawns it for a worse haircut or cheats on him with Donald…..Duck.

My only saving grace lasted about 1 minute with a less than enthusiastic but always amazing-looking Jared Leto introducing the most undeservingly, conceited rapper in history. What is his name? North? Oh no, that is the name he decided to name his kid who is going to grow up with the Kardashian (factory) family. You are screwed.
Sad thing is that Jared Leto is part of a great band called 30 Seconds to Mars and my funny relationship advice to him is that I am sorry we have not gone out sooner and that I am available so just give me a call, k?

I like Justin Timberlake but not even his performance could help redeem the disgrace of Miley Cyrus for the poor Disney family. Bruno Mars was the best sounding last night though I can’t remember what song he sang. Probably, not the best song choice.

Honestly, I had to avert my eyes after Kanye and a bit of Justin so I can’t tell you much of the Katy Perry performance but by judging from past performances and the droning sounds on my TV in the background, I did not miss much.

Watching the MTV VMA’s last night was sad. I spent most of the show tweeting and getting over 100 followers with my proposed new hashtag. #savethemoonman before he jumps. Here were a few of my other tweets that were favorited last night!

-I am going to start a page to save the poor moonman from anymore torturous music at the #VMAs2013 #VMA #savethemoonman

-Moonman! The reason you don’t feel well is not from lack of oxygen to the brain- the music is that bad @vma #savethemoonman

save the moonman from the awful music at mtv vma

So, my funny relationship advice and funny relationship tip to Mr. Moonman is move on! “Sad But True” was a song by Metallica but if you are looking to find good music like that you will need to break up with MTV. Rock on!

Melanysguydline #54 I could care less about an N’SYNC reunion because they never should have been together in the first place.

**Stay snarky my friends!**

16 Responses to Funny Relationship Advice: Tips from the MTV VMA Circus 2013

  1. Hap August 26, 2013 at 9:42 am #

    I haven’t watched MTV since they became more interested in reality shows than music. And I’ve NEVER watched their so-called Music awards show. The Grammy’s are hard enuf to get through. Thanks for an entertaining blog, Melany :)

    • Melany August 26, 2013 at 10:02 am #

      HA! Ok – this is a warning if you do see Miley on Youtube – be prepared!!

  2. Divorced Kat August 26, 2013 at 9:49 am #

    I never watch award shows, ever. I do sometimes look up clips if there’s enough chatter the next day. Thanks to you, I just looked up the Miley Cyrus “performance.” Melany, after that assault on my eyes and ears, I am not sure that we can be friends anymore!!!

    • Melany August 26, 2013 at 10:01 am #

      HAHAHA!!!!! Don’t say I did not warn you from the blog post! It was THAT BAD!

  3. Ms. Cheevious August 26, 2013 at 11:31 am #

    I stopped watching them live years ago. They’ve become as bad as a string of 35 Geico commercials.

    • Melany August 26, 2013 at 11:48 am #

      Yes – and worse! A circus!

  4. MiguelNolasco August 26, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

    Wow Melany !! You never said that LG would be rocking a bikini at the end of her little song and dance. Justin Timberlake is my boy. Miley should be banned for life on “Live TV “. And seeing Selena Gomez is easier on my eyes since she’s almost a woman now. Kandye who ?? Mr. Mars ?? Hey where’s the Rock n Roll ?? Did I blink or what !! Metallica was there right ?? And finally please Melany warn me in my inbox if MTV starts showing any Rock . I don’t want to miss seeing it . Thanks for the Blog , it was spot on as always !!

    • Melany August 27, 2013 at 10:53 am #

      Of course I will warn you when there is some good rock n roll!! Totally overdue for that!! Thanks for the comment Miguel.

  5. Alison McIlroy August 27, 2013 at 3:40 pm #

    Love it! I agree you should “Save the Moonman”. Let me know how I can help.

    • Melany August 27, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

      Not sure how you can help but thanks for the comment! HA!

  6. cindy b September 4, 2013 at 9:28 am #

    All i can say is if i had kids I would never let them listen to pop music let alone watch the VMA’s! lol Ridiculous!

    • Melany September 4, 2013 at 9:33 am #

      Yes, it was ridiculous at best!

  7. Jasmin q. January 5, 2014 at 10:58 pm #

    “Some things you just can’t unsee! Priceless” Will Smith did his best I think !! ;-)

    • Melany January 6, 2014 at 11:07 am #

      Yes, very true! LOL

  8. Unhealthy Relationships March 12, 2014 at 4:13 am #

    Thanks for the great article! Agree, 30 Seconds to Mars is the best)

    • Melany March 12, 2014 at 8:20 am #

      Thanks! Love me some Jared Leto!

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