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Boot Camp: Dogs, Frienemies, Unfollowers, & Assholes

I posted another video for your viewing pleasure. My educated guess is that more people like watching 3-4 minute clips of my animated self than reading 500-750 plus words of carefully, detailed, humorous stories. That’s Ok. I can be included in this majority sometimes so I won’t hold it against you. People always ask what my blog/vlog is about? It is humor people! Snarky humor! While on my vacation (what a joke – have not had one day without and appointment since I have been here) I took advantage of an amazing dog training school opportunity for my beloved Teddy… Continue Reading

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Guys Can be Sloppy Drunky-poo too!

Guys can be sloppy drunk too

Some things just need a YouTube video and this story is one of them. This is not the correct way to get a date ladies and gentlemen. I would like to set the record straight that girls are not the only people that get sloppy drunk. Guys do too and it is not a good look. Beware of sloppy guys picking up on girls and snarky girls messing with drunky-poo guys while doing so. It was just too fun not to mess with,  “blue guy, green, striped guy, plaid guy” and I had to and share with all of you…. Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, All Nerds Part 3: Don’t extinguish my flame

AllTwitter, AllFacebook, All Nerds Part 3: Don’t extinguish my flame For my last and final installment of the AllFacebook AllTwitter Social Media conference I will give a few snarky “guydlines” to the professionals on the panels. They need all the help they can get to try and keep these people attending the conference awake! I know this was a long-winded blog post series but these points needed to be made and I needed to make them! Come on? You know what I am talking about. I am totally OCD, ADD and forgot what the first post was about by now… Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, ALL Nerds Part 2 – Billy Idol should host the next one

Here is the second installment for “guydlines” to the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Social Media Conference in San Francisco (first part here).….come on, if you are going to attend a social media conference and drop the dough (or have your boss drop the cash)  at least make it worth your while or pretend to be interested or just ACT like your interested. I mean you had to get dressed and go to the conference – don’t make it a wasted good makeup or great hair day.  Do something people – look alive. Tweeting incessantly during a lecture about Twitter is probably… Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, ALL Nerds Part 1 – #nerdsdoitbetter or not?

Not paying attention at the conference.

I decided to take a break from LALA land to attend the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Marketing conference in the land of people who make too much money and feel extremely entitled (a.k.a. I would never touch them with a 10 foot pole because I am not attracted to nerds who are assholes because they were so nerdy when they were young and have to overcompensate now that they have money) or the social media community. After spending almost a week in San Francisco I did not conclude that in fact #nerdsdoitbetter. They just don’t. I thought I should give you… Continue Reading

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One hit wonder- Dummy Wins Rasta Banana

To most of you, Henry Gribbohm, is not a household name.  But this week’s One Hit Wonder spent his entire lifesavings; all $2,600 of it on a game call “Tubs of Fun”.  Gribbohm, was trying to win an X-box Kinect, but what this dummy didn’t realize was that he could have bought about 13 Kinects with his so called life savings.  Now all this poor soul has to show is a banana with dreadlocks that he seems to take better care of than this 2 year old. I’m trying to figure out what everyone else here is thinking, how does… Continue Reading

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Guydlines for Coachella… How avoid Looking Like a Stupid White Boy

Amongst a sea of Urban Outfitters and white kids dressed as Indians was the world’s largest music festival.  Hosting over 80,000 people and bands most of us have never heard of, we decided Coachella goers needed a few guydlines to help them survive the weekend. Coachella Guydline #1: Go with an open mind, but please, beware of any guy who wants to show you his “wand”. Coachella Guydline #2: Find sensible shoes, you might step on acid and wake up 5 days later in the middle of the desert wondering what the hell happened to you. Coachella Guydline #3: Opt… Continue Reading

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One hit wonder of the week: Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoons mugshot

Why, Reese? Why? You had everything. You had a well-deserved title as an all-American girl, the healthiest blonde locks in Hollywood and the best Southern twang I’ve heard in a long time. Then you dyed your hair dirt brown, married a no name and got yourself arrested for being a rude, inconsiderate drunkard. I never thought you’d be on my one hit wonder list, but your behavior earns you a top spot on today’s agenda. I’ll give it to you straight, Reese. I expected better from you. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s celebrities who think they’re above… Continue Reading

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Go Hack Yourself

Dear hacker losers that have nothing better to do than try and hack my blog: Get over it! I am no longer playing these dumb games and have moved on to super duty protection on melanysguydlines.com. The Secret Service has been notified and we are taking very good care of those boys (they like their Grey Goose sodas and techno music – just saying). Consider this a little warning to you (or multiple shitheads) trying to hack my site. My dog does bite. He might look cuddly and fluffy but when instructed he will take off a limb (I choose… Continue Reading

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Beware of dumb people bleach: It is bad for my health

Some blondes can't even spell college!

Here is a little story I could not resist telling you. Today, I went and got my hair done at a salon in Beverly Hills and overheard a conversation that solidifies the need to have a dumb person category on the blog. There are just way too many dumb people in this world and I seem to attract all of them! The bright side of being a dumb person flytrap is that all of the dumb people offer me great funny dumb people stories for all of you to enjoy. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Do you Twit or Tweet?

I decided to take my own advice and “put on my big girl panties” and jump into the bloggers universe full force by attending the New Media Expo in Las Vegas. At first, I was a little hesitant to go to the convention, as I am fairly new to the blogosphere and thought that if the people were anything like the people in the music business they were not the friendliest in the world and there would not be much learning….just a lot of partying (which is Ok but I need to learn how to make some money with this… Continue Reading

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Trick or Turn Tricks?

Happy Halloween! I love this holiday and it is not because I can dress like a slut. Halloween reminds me of my childhood and good times with my family; carving pumpkins, eating too much candy (that my mom would sort for me, do parents still care?), **Stay snarky my friends!**

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