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Melany's Posts

Beware of Squeaky!

Ring Ring DAMN! Just missed the phone! My initial reaction is if I don’t know the number, I don’t pick it up. If the person wants to talk, they will leave a message and I can call them back, if I actually want to talk to them. Besides, when I went to grab the phone, somehow I pushed all the buttons at the same time and took a picture of my lap, while raising the phone to my ear and saying hello with no one at the other end (I hate that – dumb I phone). Or dumb me, I am blonde…. Continue Reading

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Miss Piggy – Guydline for a better looking USA

Upon returning to Los Angeles from San Francisco via automobile, with Teddy Brewski as co-pilot, a few thoughts popped into my head (there were more than that but don’t want you to know all of them)…. Why does everyone driving long distances look as if they could be relatives of the people from “Fragle Rock”? **Stay snarky my friends!**

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“And you may ask yourself – Well …How did I get here?”

I am very pleased to announce that I am blogging for a site called dirtyandthirty.com and couldn’t be more proud of myself. Love the name and that is how I decided I wanted to write for these great group of ladies. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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First Jackasses in my life – Music lessons

People ALWAYS ask me what I do. My answer is A LOT. But, my background and professional experience is in music. I love music! Music is the soundtrack to my life (it is). I know that sounds cheesy but it is. I have a hard time relating to people if we have different taste in music. I am totally “audio-ly A.D.D.” meaning if the music is not good in a bar, club, at a party, in a supermarket, elevator- I have to leave. I find myself to be one of very few (people with good taste in music) blonde, Jewish… Continue Reading

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“Coprophagia” – Guydline from the working world

I try not to blog about dating all the time, but there are so many ridiculously crazy men in this world (it is hard not to tie it back in and tell my crazy dating stories). So, another relationship bites the dust. I don’t know what happened.  The excessive calling, texting, and emails sent and suddenly, nothing. Not even a peep! What this time? **Stay snarky my friends!**

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“Big hat, no cattle” – Tips and Guydlines for movie filming in your home

A few people think my honesty is a bit too honest! It is not going to stop me……I’M BACK (with even more wisdom and crazier funny true stories)!! **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Words of wisdom regarding e-masculating men…..

“And God promised men That good and obedient wives would be Found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round….and laughed and laughed and laughed…” …….and I laughed, and laughed and laughed because I have come to the conclusion that the more men I date, the more “de-masculinized” (not a word, but should be) they are and that in fact I am not the one that is emasculating them, they are taking care of that all on their own. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Teddy Brewski – My New Man!

Sorry that I have been gone for so long, but I have a new boyfriend! Click here to vote for the right guy! **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Matchmaker, Matchmaker – No more nightmare dates!

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, make me a match, and don’t make him a snatch. Please don’t show me a picture of a man wearing a black top hot, holding a cane (and try to convince me that he is cute-when it is not) or ask me if I would go on a date with the FATHER of a guy I did not want to date because HE looked too old for me (so of course his FATHER is WAY too old for me, OBVIOUSLY). I don’t want to date a man who weighs more than “Free Willy”, and… Continue Reading

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Internet Dating – Some Do’s and Dont’s

One day, I was working in my living room and all of a sudden hear a man’s voice saying “hello,” which was so scary considering I live alone. I look around and slowly move down the hall to my kitchen and say “hello” in a very timid, little voice. I hear “hello” again and get really scared. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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Felony Melanie

So “hypothetically” speaking, I once knew this girl named Melanie. She was given the name “Felony Melanie” in college. Melanie had several nicknames throughout high school, including “Mel”, “Melba-toast” (lame), “Smelly Mel” (Thanks to her Uncle Ben – you’re an ass) and the one that stuck – “Felony Melanie”. **Stay snarky my friends!**

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The “Hangover” – My First Date

Workout #1 complete following successful Bday celebrations (a.k.a. celebrations lasted way too long and was part of the process of taking years off my life). **Stay snarky my friends!**

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